“Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I’ll win a war!” (General George S. Patton quote?)

Lone Star Punch

Texas Punch

“I’m from Texas. What country are you from?”

Armadillo Droppings (praline candy)

Chicken Ranch (or, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)

“Thermopylae had her messenger of defeat, but the Alamo had none”

Knish Alley

Ten Gallon Hat

“Texan Spoken Here”

“Texas Stories Told Here…Some True”

Wronghorns (satire of UT “Longhorns” nickname)

“Conserve Texas water—Drink Texas wine”

“On the 8th day God created Texas”

“Be always sure you’re right—then go ahead” (Davy Crockett)

Longhorn Speech (two points far apart & a lot of bull in between)

Bowie Knife

“Welcome to Texas. Beware of the Bull”

Turd Blossom

“Texas born, Texas bred, when I die, I’ll be a Texan dead!”

Four Get (get up, get on, get off, get out)

Bonghorns & “Book ‘em, Horns!” (Longhorns & “Hook ‘em, Horns!”)

Texas Flag “Pledge of Allegiance”

“Texas, One and Indivisible”

Jevver (did you ever)

MOPAC (Missouri-Pacific; Loop 1; More Packed; More Parked; SLOPAC; SLOWPAC)

Red-Eye Gravy (Redeye Gravy; Red Gravy; Red Ham Gravy)

“Washington is the only insane asylum in the world run by its own inmates” (“Pappy” O’Daniel)

Fiddler General (“Couldn’t get elected Fiddler General”)

“Sorry, We’re Open” & 24/8 (Magnolia Cafe, Austin)

“Never say ‘die,’ say ‘damn’” (“Pa” Ferguson?)

Heart Of Texas (H.O.T.)

Three R’s (Riding, Roping, Rodeo; also with ‘Rangling, ‘Rastling, Roundups, Ranching)

Oklahoma Oysters

“Cultivated mind is the guardian genius of Democracy” (Mirabeau B. Lamar; UT motto)

“Texas is the garden spot of the world” (Davy Crockett)

“You can take a boy out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of a boy”

Texodus (Texas Exodus)

Mexican Polka (Conjunto)

Texoma (Texas + Oklahoma)

Tee-Pee & “Time and Patience” (Texas and Pacific Railway Company nicknames)

“If you don’t have an oil well, get one!” (Eddie Chiles of Western Company)

Texas oil well sayings

“You can shoot a man with impunity, but you’d better not steal his cow”

“Life is like a jar of jalapeños; What you do today may burn your ass tomorrow”

“Lift up the cow’s tail and look the situation squarely in the face” (LBJ?)

“Whole Foods, Whole People, Whole Planet” (Whole Foods slogan)

Red Light District

Zero U (Oklahoma University)

Whiney Orange (Whiny Orange)

“I don’t jog. If I die, I want to be sick” (Abe Lemons, UT basketball coach)

Texas Tender

Herkie Jump (or Herky Jump, after Lawrence Herkimer; incorrectly as Hurkie Jump or Hurky Jump)

“Where the East Ends” (Dallas slogan)

Chicken Fried Kingdom (Texas nickname)

Orange Heads or Orangeheads (UT Longhorns fans)

“Eighter from Decatur, county seat of Wise” (“Ada from Decatur”)

“The Republic of Texas is no more” (Anson Jones on 1846 annexation)

“If it’s inevitable, relax and enjoy it” (said of Texas weather)

Jimplecute (Jimpsecute)

Boy’s Town or Boys Town (Zona de Tolerancia; Zona Roja; Zona Rosa)

Texas House (Breezeway; Dog-Run House; Dogtrot House; Possum Trot House; Saddlebag House)

Santa Anna’s Revenge (traveler’s diarrhea or “Montezuma’s revenge”)

Baptist tea (beer, disguised without foam)

Mixed Bathing (Mixed Swimming)

“You ain’t from Texas, are ya?” (Dr. Phil McGraw)