“I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing”

“I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me”

“Lawyer (n): larval stage of politician”

“No one is listening until you make a mistake”

“It’s darkest before dawn, so that’s the best time to steal a neighbor’s newspaper”

“Some people grin and bear it; others smile and change it”

“Editorials like skirts—long enough to cover everything, short enough to be interesting”

“Failure is an event—not a person”

“Success comes in cans, not in can’ts”

“The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread”

“Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students”

“Experience gives us the tests first and the lessons later”

“Some people are so busy learning the tricks of the trade that they never learn the trade”

“Good to the last drop”

Victim Disarmament (gun control)

“If you’re not paying for it, you are the product”

“You don’t win silver—you lose gold”

“Rehab is for quitters”

Hong Kong on the Hudson (Hudson Yards)

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against wind”

“Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July; Democrats believe every day is April 15th”

Greedy One Percent (Grand Old Party or GOP nickname)

“Consulting: If you’re not part of the solution, there’s good money in prolonging the problem”

“The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says ‘Go!’ — a leader says ‘Let’s go!’”

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way”

“Honesty is not only morally right, it’s also highly efficient”

Founder’s Disease

Founder’s Syndrome

Founder’s Trap

“You can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time”

BLT (Bites, Licks and Tastes)

“When the tide goes out, the table is set” (seafood harvesting adage)

“Pay the farmer or pay the doctor”

“A boat is a hole in the water into which you pour money”

“Why does a round pizza come in a square box?”

“If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?”

“Opportunity never knocks twice”

“Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt” (Special Olympics)

“Don’t practice until you get it right; practice until you can’t get it wrong”

“It’s not the hours you put in your work that counts, it’s the work you put in the hours”

“I always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday”

“One thing you can give and still keep is your word”

“To do important work, two things are necessary: a plan and not quite enough time”

“A diplomat is anyone who thinks twice before saying nothing”

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work”

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will believe that it is stupid”

Tex-Mex Addict or Mex Addict (cuisine enthusiast)

Info Babe or Infobabe (woman in television news broadcasting)

“We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails” (proverb)

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence”

“Confidence is the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation”

Press Gaggle

Spailout (Spain/Spanish + bailout)

“Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day”

“Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid”

“I don’t eat snails—I prefer fast food”

“A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes”

“Retired: Goodbye tension! Hello pension!”

“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does”

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize” (Voltaire?)

“You can’t fax a handshake”

Scampaign (scam + campaign)

“Hope is a lousy hedge” (“Hope is a poor hedge”)

“Flush twice—Houston needs the water” (Dallas saying)

“It’s 110 degrees, but it’s a dry heat” (Texas heat joke)

“It’s all about the rings” (winning championships over money)

“Bureaucrats cut red tape—lengthwise”

“Don’t drink and drive—you might hit a bump and spill your drink”

“If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying” (sports adage)

“Beer is now cheaper than gas—drink, don’t drive”

“The statesman shears the sheep, the politician skins them”

“The secret of success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching”

“No one ever drowned in sweat”

“No bees, no honey; no work, no money”

“The jawbone of an ass is just as dangerous a weapon today as in Sampson’s time”

“Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life”

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst because they are sticking to their diet”

“Forbidden fruit creates many jams”

“Seconds count— especially when dieting”

“The backup quarterback is the most popular player on a (losing) team”

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age”

Silver, Wine, Art and Gold (SWAG backronym)

Nabe (a neighborhood)

“We’re doomed—doomed, I tell you!”

Gold’s Little Brother (silver nickname)

“I love to go to Washington—if only to be near my money”

“Don’t pray in my school and I won’t think in your church”

“I went to school to become a wit—only got halfway through”

“Drive-in banking was invented so cars could go in and see their real owners”

Eurhopium (Euro/Europe + hopium)

“My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?”

“There’s no bad publicity except an obituary”

“Give me a dime for a sandwich.”/“Let me see the sandwich first.”

Milhous (middle name to imply “Nixonian”)

“All publicity is good publicity” (“There is no such thing as bad publicity”)

“Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?”

Pope of America (Archbishop of Archdiocese of New York)

MSGM (Macroeconomic, Systemic, Geopolitical and Monetary risks)

“Good grades, enough sleep, or a social life—pick any two”

“Fast. cheap, good—pick any two”