“Every government does as much harm as it can, and as much good as it must”

“What is a communist? One who hath yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.”

“America will never be destroyed from the outside”

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing”

“Teapot is on, the cups are waiting” (poem)

“If you cannot do great things. do small things in a great way” (“Small things with great love”)

“The ladder of success is never crowded at the top”

“School is punishment for the crime of being young”

“You furnish the pictures and I’ll furnish the war” (Spanish-American War)

“There can be no higher law in journalism than to tell the truth and shame the devil”

“Journalism is literature in a hurry”

“Journalism: A profession to explain to others what it personally does not understand”

“Do I look like a freakin’ people person?”

“Instant human—just add coffee”

“The toughest job you’ll ever love” (Peace Corps; teaching; nursing; parenting)

“It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it”

“Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses”

“Man with one chopstick go hungry”

“A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two-tired” (pun)

“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted”

“Make yourself at home—clean my kitchen”

Pedestal Complex (Hall of Fame obsession)

“‘Tis the taste that tells the tale”

“Chalk it up to experience”

“Like riding a bike” (once learned, never forgotten)

“Call me anything, but don’t call me late for dinner”

“Death rides with the drinking driver”

“Dignity is one thing that can’t be preserved in alcohol”

Butterfly Cut (cooking technique)

Taco Guts

“Like a million bucks/dollars” (wonderful or excellent)

Dirt Tank

“Folks spend their health to acquire wealth and later spend their wealth to regain their health”

“You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning”

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink; they wake up, and that’s as good as they’ll feel all day”

“Gold is the devil’s fishhook”

“Beer drinking doesn’t do half the harm of lovemaking”

“If a man is right, he cannot be too radical; if wrong, he cannot be too conservative”

Dumpacrat or Dumpocrat (dump + Democrat)

Dumpacrap or Dumpocrap (Democrat party nickname)

Creepublican (creep + Republican)

“Don’t go wobbly” (“This is no time to go wobbly”)

“It’s all right to drink like a fish — if you drink what a fish drinks”

Black Monday (head coach firing day after NFL regular season)

Reverse Mortgage

“Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe”

“Men build houses; women build homes”

“Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse”

“Success is a ladder which cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets”

“You don’t get what you deserve—you get what you negotiate”

“You can’t take a second drink unless you have taken a first”

“You can run into debt, but you have to crawl out”

“Welcome is the best dish on the table”

“Whoever wins the turnover battle usually wins the game” (football adage)

“Too much attention to the pigskin doesn’t help the sheepskin” (sports vs. academics)

“They who drink beer think beer”

“There is no education like adversity”

“Gold, girls and glory” (three things that can destroy a preacher)