“The mail must go through” (postal service adage)

“All the gold in Fort Knox” (a large sum of money or riches)

“Vehicle insured by Smith & Wesson” (bumper sticker)

“Good intentions don’t move mountains, bulldozers do”

“There are no traffic jams along the extra mile”

“Customer service is not a department, it’s an attitude”

“Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living”

“What are you doing for others?”

“If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together”

“When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, you’ll be successful”

“People are fed by the food industry, which pays no attention to health”

“Information is power, but like all power, there are those who want to keep it for themselves”

Battle of the Boroughs (between New York City sports teams)

“Look, ma, no hands!” (riding phrase)

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook”

Gutter Bunny (bicycle commuter)

Bike Salmon

Fedbug (federal government + bug/bedbug)

Fender Bender (minor automobile accident)

Bumper Thumper (minor automobile accident)

Crawl and Stall (Stall and Crawl)

Beep and Creep (Creep and Beep)

“No cop, no stop”

Road Rash

Bike Ninja

“Take half as many clothes and twice as much money” (travel axiom)

“Brooklyn Zoo” (1995)

Fucking Bunch of Idiots (Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI nickname)

“Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time”

“I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do”

“If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?”

“What difference does it make?”

“Attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind”

“When presidents can’t run for re-election, they run for the Nobel Peace Prize”

“A voice for print”

Almost Broadcasting Company (ABC nickname)

Alphabet Network (ABC nickname)

“Critics are like eunuchs in a harem”

“A gentleman is a man who can play the saxophone but doesn’t”

“Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter”

“An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did”

“Old accountants never die—they just lose their balance”

“Asking a writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how it feels about dogs”

“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise”

“Don’t pay any attention to the critics—don’t even ignore them”

“Old lawyers never die—they just lose their appeal”

“When you win, you’re an old pro; when you lose, you’re an old man”

Charity Stripe (basketball free-throw line)

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit”

“The public stayed away in droves”

“The devil makes his Christmas pie of lawyers’ tongues and clerks’ fingers”

“An utter waste is defined as a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats”

“Advertising helps raise the standard of living by raising the standard of longing”

Health Sinner

“Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine”

Taco Tuesday

Wing Wednesday

Aporkalypse (apocalypse + pork)

“Anarchists of the world, unite!”

“A hangover is when you open your eyes in the morning and wish you hadn’t”

“Always carry whiskey in case of snakebite—furthermore, always carry a small snake”

“When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws”

“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns”