A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don’t know how much I want. They don’t know my life” (6/28)
“If I had a dollar for every gender, I’d have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits” (6/28)
“A person with a liberal arts degree walks into a bar…” (bar joke) (6/28)
“You know you’re drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave and then enter your PIN” (6/28)
“A person with an art degree walks into a bar…” (bar joke) (6/28)
More new entries...

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“If in doubt, do half” (investment adage)

“All my life I thought air was free…until I bought a bag of chips”

“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee”

“Never confuse people who are always around you with people who are always there for you”

“It’s very difficult to beat the market when you are the market”

“If you can’t sell what you want, you sell what you can”

“A bad putt is better than a bad chip” (golf adage)

“However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results”

“The English invented soccer, but the Brazilians perfected it”

“A full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach”

“He may be a son of a bitch, but he’s our son of a bitch”

“In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience”

“An executive is a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right”

“Players win games and coaches lose them”

“If it grows like a weed, it probably is one” (financial proverb)

Chopped Cheese

“A Hong Kong second is a New York minute”

YOLOMAWMIT (You Only Live Once, Might As Well Make It Tasty)

“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food”

“This kitchen is seasoned with love”

Dark Horse Car

“Someday is not a day of the week”

“The most trusted name in news” (CNN slogan)

Juice Crawl

Student Affluence Test ("SAT” backronym)

“A deal is a deal” (business saying)

CIA News Network (CNN nickname)

Tunnelgeddon (tunnel + Armageddon)

“Our office just got a new conference table—it sleeps 16”

“You’re telling me a chicken fried this rice?” (chicken fried rice joke)

“Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise …” (joke)

“Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours” (college football joke)

“How many college freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (joke)

“Alcohol…Because sometimes the truth needs a laxative”

“He who forgets the language of gratitude can never be on speaking terms with happiness”

“The U.S. dollar is the cleanest dirty shirt”

“The peasants are revolting” ("The people are revolting")

“Between pigeons and politicians, it’s hard to keep the courthouse clean”

“You never know how strong you are until you’re home alone and have to open your own pickles”

“Good things happen when you put the puck on the net” (hockey adage)

“For God so loved the world that He didn’t send a committee”

“Lord, help me to know what’s cooking before it boils over”

“Retail follows rooftops” (real estate adage)

“I wondered why somebody didn’t do something. Then I realized that I am somebody”

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight”

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them”

“Some people dream of success; others stay awake and achieve it”

“My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit”

“If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?”

J-E-T-S (Just End The Suffering)

“Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat”

“Do someone a favor and it becomes your job”

“If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling”

“I took an IQ test and the results were negative”

“Every thinking person will vote for you."/"But I need a majority!”

“An income is what you can’t live without or within”

“If you’re planning to teach your children the value of a dollar, you’d better hurry up”

“People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it”

“You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive”

Porno-Graphic (New York Evening Graphic nickname)

“Welcome to New York. Duck, Mother Fucker!”

Gaphattan (Gap + Manhattan)

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died”

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage”

“Work for a cause, not for applause”

“That’s what speed do” (baseball saying)

“A goaltender is a team’s best penalty killer” (hockey adage)

“You need the ball to score” (football adage)

“Catchers make the best managers” (baseball adage)

“The ball will find you” (baseball adage)

“My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in”

“New York stabs you in the heart; Los Angeles stabs you in the back”

“If the military wanted you to have a family, they’d have issued you one”

“Swimming isn’t a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning”

“Time kills all deals”

“It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly”

Crap Not News (CNN nickname)

Canadian Brainwashing Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

“College is a fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink”

“Depresso: When you’ve run out of coffee”

“Incompetence is a double-edged banana”

“The military is protecting democracy, not practicing it”

Certainly Not News (CNN nickname)

“Never buy from a rich salesman and always hire a rich attorney”

“Never name the chickens” (military adage)

“My book club only reads wine labels”

“When a vegan goes missing do they put them on a soymilk carton?”

“Autocorrect can be your worst enema”

“Cheap beer is like having sex in a canoe” (joke)

“She said to kiss her where it smells bad, so I took her to New Jersey”

“My new credit card has this awesome theft protection…” (joke)

“I look forward to paying off all of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke”

“Two Jews, three opinions”

“A strong butt is the key to a happy life”

“God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read”

Canadian Bullshit Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

Breakfast Test (journalism axiom)

Bolts (Brooklyn FXFL football team)

“Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies”

Communist Broadcasting Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

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