Thucydides Trap

“In queso emergency, I pray to Cheesus”

“In queso emergency, go to your nearest TexMex restaurant”

“All Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is Cognac”

“If the wheels aren’t turning, you’re not earning” (trucking adage)

“It takes good hitters to be a good hitting coach” (baseball adage)

“Why are doctors so afraid of apples, anyway?”

“Play like you’re in first; train like you’re in second”

Parklet

“You can’t script October” (baseball adage)

“Drinking town with a football problem” (various cities)

“If your hands don’t look like you just delivered a baby after eating wings…not enough hot sauce”

“A hug in a mug” (coffee, hot cocoa, soup, tea)

“Coffee is not just a beverage. It’s a cup of liquid sanity!”

“Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces ‘nice car’?”

“The center of a donut is 100% fat free”

“Cheese is basically happiness that you can melt”

“There are two kinds of people in this world: givers and takers”

“The internet is full of cats because dog people go outside”

“Society gets the police force it deserves”

“To be yourself in a world trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”

“A veteran is someone who wrote a blank check to the United States of America”

Secretary of Death (Secretary of Defense nickname)

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press”

“Skiers are made in the summer” (skiing adage)

“Something in the water” (cause of unusual activity)

Hot dog served with white gloves (myth)

“Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag”

“In queso emergency, I pray to Cheesus”

“Marshmallows don’t dissolve. They use hot cocoa as a way to teleport to their homeworld”

“In queso emergency, go to your nearest TexMex restaurant”

“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries”

“This wine pairs well with turkey and difficult relatives”

“No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin”

“Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could have become beer, but didn’t”

“Smoked salmon should be sliced so thin, you can read the New York Times through it”

“I want to grow my own food, but no one makes pizza seeds”

“99 little bugs in the code” (programming joke)

“Baseball must be a great game to survive the people who run it”

Spellebrity (spelling bee + celebrity)

“It takes a flood to break a drought”

“New York is the most successful sequel ever”

“To me, ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it”

“Improvement begins with ‘I’”

“I got my stomach doing crunches—usually either Nestlé or Captain”

“I love you a latte”

“Don’t reach for the stars. They are extremely hot and will incinerate you”

“Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos”

“Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow”

“Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?”

“The school board wishes you a speedy recovery, by a vote of 4-3”

“How did the butcher introduce his wife?”/“Meat Patty!”

“Lasagna is just spaghetti-flavored cake”

“There’s not enough coffee in the world”

“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them”