A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (3/23)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (3/23)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (3/23)
“I’ve had so much coffee today I can see noises” (3/23)
“The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee” (3/23)
More new entries...

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“I am a slow walker, but I never walk back”

“I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than in clothes at the beach”

“‘I’ is the only difference between fit and fat”

“On the other side of fear lies freedom”

“If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you didn’t train hard enough”

Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention ("drama” backronym)

Fort Knox of Silver (West Point Mint nickname)

“Role players play better at home” (sports adage)

“Muscles are torn in the gym, fed in the kitchen and built in bed”

Jackpot Fatigue

“Choose a major you love and you’ll never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring”

Screwel, Screwl, Scrool, Scruel, Skrewel, Skrewl (school)

“If the bar ain’t bending, you’re just pretending”

“Pressure can burst a pipe or pressure can make a diamond”

“If you can’t get to a good pitcher early, you might not get him” (baseball adage)

“Why don’t government workers stare out the window in the morning?”

“There are a thousand ways to lose a horse race and only one way to win”

“Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?” (joke)

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live”

“Don’t wish for it—work for it”

Toilet-to-Tap (recycled water)

“Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?”

“Racetrack—A place where the windows clean the people”

“Why are clouds like jockeys?"/"When they hold the rains.”

“Miser—A person who lets the world go buy”

“Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth”

“Abundance—Big party held in a bakery”

“Gossip columnist—One who writes other’s wrongs”

“Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division”

“We serve soup to nuts” (restaurant joke)

“Faith makes all things possible; hope makes all things work”

“If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working for it”

“Your self-worth is more important than your net worth”

“Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records”

“The best thing money can buy is financial freedom”

“Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out”

“Successful entrepreneurs are givers and not takers of positive energy”

“A lie has speed, but truth has endurance”

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will”

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can control the firm resolve of a determined soul”

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him”

“People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it”

“No matter how slow you go, you’re still lapping everybody on the couch”

“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone”

“Exercise changes the outside. Running changes the inside”

“Everybody wants to be a diamond, but very few are willing to get cut”

“To thrive in life you need three bones: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone”

“If pigs could fly, imagine how good their wings would taste”

“If you ate today, thank a farmer”

“There are more Baptists than people in Texas”

“Success always occurs in private and failure in full view”

“The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer”

Patio Beer

“You get what you get and you don’t get upset”

House of Reprehensibles (House of Representatives nickname)

“What do you call a pig in the sun?"/"Bacon.”

“Hockey is figure skating in a war zone”

“When hell freezes over, I’ll play hockey there, too”

“No masterpiece was ever created by a lazy artist”

“Civil servant missile—it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired”

“If people don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone”

“Don’t go through life without goals” (hockey saying)

“My other car is a Zamboni” (hockey saying)

“Ice hockey players can walk on water”

“The stock price is a hollow god”

“Turn in your weapons. The government will take care of you”

“A pat on the back is only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants”

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go”

“Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you’re not willing to move your feet”

Belmont Jewel (official drink of the Belmont Stakes)

Big Apple (former official drink of the Belmont Stakes)

“There ought to be more dancing”

Knishwich (knish + sandwich)

“Education is no substitute for intelligence”

“Everyone wants to be black until the cops show up”

“I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven”

“Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have”

Land of Opportunity

“Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins”

“Swing hard, in case you hit it”

“Hang a lantern on your problem”

Translaptation (translation + adaptation)

Club Row (West 44th Street)

“A dining car is a chew-chew train”

“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me”

“Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest”

“When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall”

“I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it”

“A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy”

“A clean house is a sign of no Internet connection”

“If fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”

“A bass is a bass is a bass” (fishing adage)

“What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?” (joke)

“Everybody wants to shine, but no one wants to polish”

“My math teacher called me average. Well, that’s just mean”

“If it succeeds, it leads”

“You were born a cow, but now you are a fish” (joke)

“Why did the traffic light turn red?” (joke)

“Why can’t you run through a campground?” (joke)

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