“The rodeo ain’t over till the bull riders ride”

“He puts his pants on one leg at a time” (he’s human)

“Eggs are the menstrual flow of hens” (“Eggs are chicken periods”)

“You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there”

“Give a hoot, don’t pollute”

“How do you eat an elephant?”/“One bite at a time”

“We’re working to develop a university the football team can be proud of”

Hanukkah Gelt

Bee Vomit (honey)

“Nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in”

“Shoot pool with a rope” (an impossible task)

Criminalgo (criminal + algo)

“From ‘How did I get here?’ to ‘How did they get here?’” (Washington politics)

“Guinness doesn’t travel well” (drink adage)

“Freshmen want to play, sophomores want to start, juniors want to score and seniors want to win”

Retirement Spending Smile

PITS (Philippines + Indonesia + Thailand + Singapore)

“It is only after a man gets rich that he discovers how many poor relatives he has”

“We’re working to develop a university the football team can be proud of”

“More people like baseball than football because they don’t need a college education to get tickets”

“Never judge a book by its movie”

“The only man able to stop Michael Jordan was Dean Smith”

“You go to New York to become somebody; you to go Los Angeles to become famous”

“I’m thinking about running a marathon again” (joke)

“Why did the pie go to the dentist?”/“To get a filling.”

Piecaken (pie + cake + turducken)

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk—usually the fourth one”

“Do I know any sodium jokes? Na”

“In a relationship with food”

“I couldn’t pay my doctor, so he gave me another six months to live”

Naked Cake (cake without outer icing)

“Can we talk?” (Joan Rivers comic catchphrase)

“Invest in people who invest in you”

Weatherconomist or Meteoronomist (meteorologist/weatherman + economist)

Meteoronomist or Weatherconomist (meteorologist/weatherman + economist)

Miss Liberty & Queen of Lost New York (Hettie Anderson, model)

Nifty Nine

Nifty Fifty

“Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax”

Nifty

NOSH (Nike, O’Reilly, Starbucks and Home Depot)

“Tax the people and tax with care…” (tax poem)

Statue of Justice or Lady Gotham (Batman’s Statue of Liberty)

Siegel-Cooper’s Statue of the Republic (Minnie Clark, model)

Rockefeller Center’s Atlas (modeled after Benito Mussolini?)

Columbia University’s Alma Mater (Mary Lawton, model)

“He was addicted to cowboy line dancing and entered a two-step program”

Statue of King George III (Bowling Green; erected 1770, destroyed 1776)

Statue of Liberty (Liberty Enlightening the World)

“Ten percent of my ashes shall be handed to my agent” (show business joke)

“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine”