A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don’t know how much I want. They don’t know my life” (6/28)
“If I had a dollar for every gender, I’d have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits” (6/28)
“A person with a liberal arts degree walks into a bar…” (bar joke) (6/28)
“You know you’re drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave and then enter your PIN” (6/28)
“A person with an art degree walks into a bar…” (bar joke) (6/28)
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Rainbow Bagel

Jew York Times (New York Times nickname)

New Yuck Times (New York Times nickname)

“Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?"/"It’s a Wurst-Käse scenario.”

“Betting against gold is the same as betting on governments”

“Obesity is probably the only disease where a run for the cure will actually cure it”

“What do you call a teacher who doesn’t fart in public?"/"A private tooter.”

“Why is milk so fast?"/"Because it’s pasteurized before you see it.”

“We should’ve seen communism’s failure. In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags”

“A time traveler walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I slapped a statue’s ass. I’ve officially hit rock bottom”

“Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?"/"He wanted to get a long little doggy.”

“Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?"/"He wanted to get a long little doggy.”

“Why did the programmer quit his job?"/"Because he didn’t get arrays.”

“Thank you, student loans. How will I ever repay you?”

“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?"/"They can never get past the bar.”

“What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?"/"One less drunk.”

“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”

“Poisoned coffee, n: Grounds for divorce”

New York State: Excelsior State (nickname)

“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?"/"They can never get past the bar.”

“What do you call a Communist sniper?"/"A Marxman.”

“Crazy exes are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog”

“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?"/"An airplane.”

“What is it called when you kill a chickpea?"/"Hummuside.”

“What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?” (joke)

“Charles Dickens walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“A file folder walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman and a hooker with diarrhea?” (joke)

“Government is sports for nerds”

“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting‘“ (joke)

“Why are there so many baseball autobiographies?"/"Because every pitcher tells a story.”

“I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel”

“What hotel do mice stay in?/"The Stilton.”

“What hotel do mice stay in?/"The Stilton.”

“Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you’re hot”

“A man walks into a bar and hears a voice say, ‘Nice tie!‘“ (bar joke)

Oscars of the Plus Industry (Full Figured Fashion Week nickname)

Big Glou (natural wine fair)

“If school isn’t a place to sleep, then home isn’t a place to study”

Yaptown-on-the-Hudson

“Thieves steal and run; politicians run and steal”

Glou Glou Wine (glug glug wine); The Big Glou (natural wine fair)

Bensonhurster (inhabitant of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn)

Crazy Milkshake

“A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers…” (bar joke)

“How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?"/"Avocado’s number.”

“A DBA walks into a NoSQL bar…” (bar joke)

“What’s Irish and sits in the back yard?"/"Paddy O’Furniture.”

“Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?"/"Because they’re always a little short.”

“If it wasn’t for Edison, we’d be watching television by candlelight”

“If God wanted us to bend over, He’d have put diamonds on the floor”

“Do you serve women at this bar?"/"No, you have to supply your own.”

“Recipe for Irish stew: Drink the Guinness, forget about the stew” (joke)

“What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?” (joke)

“Socialist jokes aren’t funny unless everybody gets them”

“Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil”

“A mathematician walks into a bar and orders ten times the drinks of everyone else…” (bar joke)

“Kiss me, I’m Irish”

“Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day”

“If you can drink a drink, then why can’t you food a food?”

“How did the Irish jig get started?"/"Lots of beer and only one bathroom.”

“A fire hydrant has H2O on the inside and K9P on the outside”

“f(x) walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Why does hamburger have less energy than steak?"/"Because it’s in the ground state.”

“What’s the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? (joke)

“Two cats sit on a roof. Which falls off first?"/"The one with the smaller mu.”

“What’s the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? (joke)

“Quality is the best business plan”

“I always wanted to try juggling. I just never had the balls to”

“Sitting is the new smoking”

Noisyville-on-the-Subway

Hawaii: Aloha State (nickname)

“Cricket is a game of glorious uncertainties”

“The performer is available for a limited number of cancellations”

“Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer”

“Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?"/"You shouldn’t press your luck.”

“What exercise did Jesus do?"/"CrossFit.”

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death”

“A year from now you will wish you had started today”

“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat. Just get on”

“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated”

“There was an explosion at the cheese factory. De brie was everywhere”

“Why did the child study in the airplane?"/"He wanted a higher education.”

“Why did the student bring scissors to school?"/"He wanted to cut class.”

“How do bees get to school?"/"On the school buzz.”

“Humans eat more bananas than monkeys” (joke)

“What kind of school does a carpenter go to?"/"Boarding school.”

“Who earns a living driving customers away?"/"A taxi driver.”

“What clothes does a house wear?"/"Address.”

“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?"/"You take away its tiny brooms.”

“What did the sushi say to the bee?"/"Wasabi.”

“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?"/"You take away its tiny brooms.”

“Knock, knock."/"Who’s there?"/"Cash."/"Cash who?”

“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?"/"Because he was sitting on the deck.”

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best”

“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?"/"The lawyer charges more.”

“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel”

“Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up”

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