“Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches”

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire”

Norwegian-American Line (R subway line)

Jewish Woodstock

“What do you call a snake that works in the government?”/“A civil serpent.”

Meatatarian

Meatarian

Frosé (frozen rosé)

Heroin Island (heroin + Staten Island)

“Chicken pot pie—my three favorite things”

“Never judge presidential timber by its bark”

“Taking wealth from the air” (air rights)

CRAFT Disease or CRAFT Moment (Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing)

Back Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn)

“What’s the Constitution among friends?”

Front Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn)

“I love hard work. I could watch it all day”

Back Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn nickname)

Front Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn nickname)

“No matter how fast your car is, you can’t outrun a police radio”

“When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt”

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye”

Maxxinista (T.J. Maxx + fashionista)

Confidence Man

Night-soil Man (Night-soil Collector; Night Soiler)

Horseshit Beach (Orchard Beach)

Chocha Beach (Orchard Beach)

North New York (South Bronx)

Pumpkin House (Hudson Heights, Manhattan)

Dirty Bronx

Bronx Salute

Deadstream Media (Dead Stream Media)

“Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions”

“No one wants to hear about your fantasy football team”

“How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

“A corn stalk walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I took up fencing once, but I couldn’t see the point”

“A weasel walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“A giraffe walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

Perkatory (percolate + purgatory)

“Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes”

“I don’t like morning people. Or mornings. Or people”

“I like my coffee black, like my soul”

“Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes”

“Free beer, topless bartenders and false advertising” (bar sign)

“The only thing he brought to this job was his car”

“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

“You hate your job? There’s a support group that meets at the bar”

“Roses are red. Bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon”

“You hate your job? There’s a support group that meets at the bar”

“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

“The bigger the field, the bigger the certainty” (horse racing adage)

“If I only wanted one drink, I’d go for communion” (bar sign)

“Farts are the ghosts of the things we eat”

“Beer comes from hops. Hops are plants. Beer is salad”

“We have beers as cold as your ex’s heart” (bar sign)

“Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with”

“The New York City police chief said, ‘We will never forget 9/11’” (joke)

“What did Osama Bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?”/“Big Apple Crumble.”

“What’s a dog’s favorite city?”/“New Yorkie.”

“What does WTC stand for?”/“What Trade Center?”

“What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?”

“The greatest thing since sliced bread”

Convict Alley (Lexington Avenue, between 119th and 126th streets)

“What’s the best thing about a swimming pool bar?” (joke)

“The greatest thing since radio”

Stroller Alley (John Street in Lower Manhattan)

“Eat shit. A billion flies can’t be wrong”

“What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?” (joke)

“Why do politicians take laxatives?”/“So they can speak more fluently.”

Bonut (biscuit + doughnut)

“What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza?” (joke)

“Eat here. Fifty million flies can’t be wrong” (restaurant sign)

Great State of Chicago (Chicago nickname)

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me—I quit!’”

“An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house…” (bar joke)

“A million guys walk into a Silicon Valley bar…” (bar joke)

“A million guys walk into a Silicon Valley bar…” (tech joke)

Mink Brigade

“The problem with Workaholics Anonymous meetings is they never end”

New York’s Eiffel Tower (“Vessel” at Hudson Yards)

“Roses are red. Pizza sauce is, too. I ordered a large, and none of it’s for you”

“If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping?”

Harlem’s Beale Street (West 133rd Street)

Aristocrat of Harlem (Cotton Club nickname)

Whoopee Row (West 133rd Street)

“What’s the difference between a bartender and a mixologist?” (joke)

Waldorf of Harlem (Hotel Theresa, now Theresa Towers)

“Do cannibals refer to homeless people as free range?”

Aristocrat of the Village (Barney Gallant’s nickname)

Niggerati or Niggeratti (nigger + literati)

“What did one worm say to another?”/“I know a restaurant where we can eat dirt cheap.”

“If you can read the New York Times without moving your lips, you’re a communist”

“Breakfast in London, lunch in New York, baggage in Buenos Aires” (airline joke)

Niggeratti Manor (267 West 136th Street)

“Where do you find stewed tomatoes?”/“Try the salad bar.”

“I quit smoking cold turkey” (joke)

“What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?”/“A salad shooter.”

Terror Vandalism