A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
•“Welcome to growing older. Where all the foods and drinks you’ve loved for years suddenly seem determined to destroy you” (4/17)
•“Date someone who drinks with you instead of complaining that you drink” (4/17)
•“Definition of stupid: Knowing the truth, seeing evidence of the truth, but still believing the lie” (4/17)
•“Definition of stupid: Knowing the truth, seeing the evidence of the truth, but still believing the lie” (4/17)
•“Government creates the crises so it can ‘rescue’ you with the loss of freedom” (4/17)
More new entries...

Entries in the category Education/Schools
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“If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for?”/“Plastic explosives.”
“If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects, how can a single student learn them all?”
“If all your troubles are behind you, you must be a school bus driver”
“If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?”
“If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track”
“If graduation can’t be done at a gym or a football field, perhaps grads could walk thru Walmart”
“If homework is to read something, there is no homework”
“If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say, ‘Not very good at maths’”
“If it moves, it’s biology; If it smells, it’s chemistry; If it doesn’t work, it’s physics”
“If number two pencils are so popular, why are they still number two?”
“If one teacher can’t teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?”
“If printing money would end poverty, printing diplomas would end stupidity”
“If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?”
“If school isn’t a place to sleep, then home isn’t a place to study”
“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”
“If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn’t they teach for free?”
“If studying history always makes you feel proud and happy, you probably aren’t studying history”
“If the only job you can get is to teach the same subject you graduated at, it’s a pyramid scheme”
“If thieves wear sneakers and artists wear sketchers, do linguists wear converse?”
“If we all just switched to cursive and stick shift cars, we could cripple a generation”
“If you abbreviate in sign language, is it called short hand?”
“If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you…”
“If you can read this, I’m not impressed. Most people can read” (bumper sticker)
“If you can read this, thank a teacher…and ef yoo kan rid ths yoo prebli ar a teecha”
“If you don’t know what ‘prefix’ means, don’t worry—it’s not the end of the word”
“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”
“If you fail your kindergarten coloring book exam, you need a shoulder to crayon”
“If you found $5 in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?”/“Someone else’s coat.”
“If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
“If you see me talking to myself, mind your business. I’m having a parent teacher conference.”
“If you see my kids crying outside & picking weeds, just keep on driving. They’re on a field trip”
“If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business. We are having a fire drill”
“If you sin 90 times you’ll only get caught 50% of the time because sin90 = cot45”
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”
“If you thought you hated homework as a child, trust me, you’ll hate it more as a parent”
“If you want to get laid, go to college; if you want an education, go to the library”
“If you were anti-pencil,  would you be erasist?”
“If you’re down by the schoolyard, stay away from Rosie. She’s the Queen of Corona”
“If you’re having trouble understanding fractions, don’t worry, our helpline is open 24/7”
“If you’re homeschooled, all your work is homework”
“If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”
“In 20 years, this country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers”
“In boring classes, I always improve my drawing skills”
“In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry” (joke)
“In conclusion, there are ten letters”
“In high school, our gym teacher asked us who we thought the smartest teacher in the school was…”
“In my physics exam today a question asked ‘What’s the unit of power?’ I answered ‘Correct’”
“In order to get glasses, you have to fail a test that they give you the answers to”
“In school, kids are grouped by date of manufacture”
“In the binary system, we count on our fists instead of on our fingers”
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