“I drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I’m so steady I can’t move for months” is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited since at least 1952, when it was in a conversation between a doctor and a patient. In 1954, the joke was in a conversation between a husband and a wife.
   
“I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months. (W. C Fields)” was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on August 2, 2004, but there’s no evidence that American actor and comedian W. C. Fields (1880-1946> ever said it.
 
 
Old Fulton NY Post Cards
3 October 1952, The Messenger(Port Jefferson, NY), pg. 6, col. 5:
The doctor after examining his patient suggested that he take a drink once in a while to steady his nerves.
 
“I do, doctor,” replied the patient, “but after a while I began to overdo it, and sometime my nerves became so steady I couldn’t even move.”
   
20 May 1954, Chronicle-Express (Penn Yan, NY), “Penn Yan’s Lad and Dad News,” pg. 1A, col. 4:
Husband: “The doctor told me to take an occasional drink to steady my nerves.”
Wife: “I know, but he didn’t say to overdo it and become so steady you can’t move.”
 
17 June 1955, The Enquirer (Cincinnati, OH), “Innocent Bystander” by Ollie M. James, pg. 4, col. 6:
ONE OF our friends was remarking the other day: “I only take a drink to steady my nerves. Of course, sometimes I get my nerves so steady I can’t move.”
   
27 October 1955, Kingston (NY) Daily Freeman, “Office Cat” by Junius, pg. 6, col. 3:
Husband—Doctor Glenn Frye told me to take an occasional drink to steady my nerves.
Wife—I know, but he didn’t say to overdo it and become so steady you can’t move.
 
27 April 1975, Boston (MA) Sunday Globe, “My Favorite Jokes” by George Thomas, Parade magazine, pg. 19, col. 2:
A drunk told his doctor: “I drink to steady my nerves. In fact, I got so steady I couldn’t move at all.”
   
Google Books
Comedy Quotes from the Movies:
Over 4,000 Bits of Humorous Dialogue from All Genres, Topically Arranged and Indexed
By Larry Langman and Paul Gold
Jefferson, NC: McFarland & Company. Inc.
2001
Pg. 114:
“I only drink to steady my nerves,” says comic Joe E. Lewis (Frank Sinatra) to a nightclub audience. “And sometimes I get so steady I can’t move.” -The Joker Is Wild (1957)
   
Google Groups: alt,music.zevon
Quotations
Sandy S
4/15/04
(...)
“I only drink to calm myself - my steadiness to improve. Last night I got so steady, I couldn’t even move.”—Unknown
 
Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Puns of the Weak 08-02-04
Stan Kegel
8/2/04
(...)
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months. (W. C Fields)
     
Google Books
The Little Giant Encyclopedia of Outrageous Excuses
By David MacFarlane
New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.
2006
Pg. 429:
“I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.” — W C. Fields
   
Google Books
Confessions of a Brazilian Waxing Queen
By Svetlana Burckhardt
Xlibris Corporation (Xlibris.com)
2011
Pg. 53:
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months. ~ W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
 
Twitter
Moose‏
@MooseAdvice
“Do you know why I drink? I drink to steady my nerves.
I was so steady last week I COULDN’T MOVE!” — Rip Taylor
3:24 PM - 2 May 2017