A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“Ninety percent of politics is deciding whom to blame” (4/30)
“Once you lick frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin” (4/30)
“I need a six month vacation, twice a year” (4/29)
“Friday is my second favorite F word” (4/29)
“Work is for those who don’t know what fishing is!” (4/29)
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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 02—February

The following words or phrases are about February:

FEBRUARY
Febrewary (February + brew)

FEBRUARY 2
“We accept weather predictions from a rodent, but deny climate change evidence by scientists”

FEBRUARY 5 (World Nutella Day)
“Never put Nutella on salmon or you’ll get Salmonella”
“You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a Nutella jar”

FEBRUARY 14 (Valentine’s Day)
“Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play”
“Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?"/"Yes. February 14th.”
“Forget love—I’d rather fall in chocolate”
“I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons. You make me sick!”
“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day”
“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”
“If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in a flower shop, ask ‘What did you do?‘“
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
“If you don’t have a valentine on Valentine’s Day, don’t be sad”
“If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, remember nobody loves you on any other day”
“No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentine’s Day…”
“Nothing says love like something you made”
“Olive who?"/"Olive you!” (knock-knock joke)
“So I’ve decided that my wifi will be my valentine. I don’t know, we just have this connection”
“Sugar is sweet and so are you” ("Roses are red…")
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”
“Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married” (joke)
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is”
“What did one oar say to the other?"/"Are you up for a little row-mance?”
“What did one pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day?"/"You mean a great dill to me.”
“What did the chocolate sauce say to the ice cream?"/"I’m sweet on you!”
“What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?"/"Hogs and kisses.”
“What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?"/"Cauliflowers.”
“What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th”
“What’s the difference between you and a calendar?"/"A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.”
“Where does Easter come before Valentine’s Day?"/"In the dictionary.”
“Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?"/"Because he wanted sweet dreams.”
“Why did the cannibal break up with his valentine?"/"She didn’t suit his taste.”
“Why didn’t Cupid shoot at the lawyer’s heart?"/"Because Cupid can’t hit a target that small.”
“Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?"/"Because it’s all heart”
“Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?"/"Because you can really party hearty!”
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it”
Arizona: Valentine State (nickname)
Besos (Mexican pastry “kisses")

FEBRUARY 15-20 (Third Monday)
“Prune roses before Presidents Day and azaleas before the Fourth of July”

FEBRUARY 18
First “Big Apple” explanation: February 18, 1924

FEBRUARY (Shrove Tuesday, seven weeks before Easter) (Pancake Day)
“A waffle is just a more considerate pancake”
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap”
“Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped”
“Haunted French pancakes give me the crépes”
“He who goes to bed hungry dreams of pancakes”
“How do elves eat their pancakes?"/"In short stacks.”
“How do you make a pancake smile?"/"Butter him up.”
“I’m getting pancakes with a side of pancakes”
“Just because you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes”
“My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes” (joke)
“One does not simply have ‘one’ pancake”
“Pancake Day really crêped up on us”
“Pancake jokes are for tossers”
“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they’d turn over by themselves”
“Waffles are just pancakes with abs”
“We all deserve morning sex and pancakes”
“What did the pancake say to the baseball player?"/"Batter up!”
“What did the young pancake say to the old one?"/"I don’t like your flip side.”
“What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?"/"They both need a good batter!”
“What’s the best pancake topping?"/"More pancakes.”
“When the boy was making pancakes, why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it”
Latkes or Latkas (potato pancakes)
Pancake Capital of Texas (Hawkins nickname)
Pancakes in the Park
Puffer or Kartoffelpuffer (potato pancakes)

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink