"Two peanuts were walking down the street—one was assaulted” ("assaulted" is a pun on “a salted” peanut) is a joke that has been published on many websites. “Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted” has been cited in print since at least 1958.
There are New York and Central Park versions:
. “Two peanuts were walking through the New York. One was assaulted.”
. “Two peanuts were walking in Central Park. One was assaulted.”
Wikipedia: The Funniest Joke in the World
“The Funniest Joke in the World” is the title most frequently used for written references to a Monty Python’s Flying Circus comedy sketch, which is also known by two other phrases that appear within it, “Joke Warfare” and “Killer Joke”, the latter being the most commonly spoken title used to refer to it. The premise of the sketch is that the joke is so funny that anyone who reads or hears it promptly dies from laughter.
The sketch appeared in the first episode of the television show Monty Python’s Flying Circus ("Whither Canada"), first shown on October 5, 1969.
The Germans attempt counter-jokes. Eventually their best joke is used in action ("Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas . . . assaulted! peanut."), but proves in English to be ineffective.
Two peanuts were walking through the New York. One was assaulted.
7 September 1958, Denton (TX) Record-Chronicle, “High School News” by David Robinson, sec. 2, pg. 6, col. 1:
I interrupt this summary to give you a news bulletin. Last night two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a-salted!
21 November 1958, Indiana (PA) Evening Gazette, “Inside Indiana” by Bill Hastings, pg. 1, col. 1:
It didn’t originate here: “Two peanuts went for a walk in the woods. One was a salted,” so says Mo Mabon.
1 November 1980, Daily Northwestern (Evanston, IL), TGIF, pg. 12, col. 1:
Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted.
When You’re Up to Your Ass in Alligators: More Urban Folklore from the Paperwork Empire
By Alan Dundes and Carl R. Pagter
Detroit, MI: Wayne State University Press
The two peanuts that took a walk in the woods — one was assaulted?
5 March 1987, Augusta (GA) Chronicle, ‘Perlman forced to become connoisseur” by John Rockwell (New York Times), pg. 2, col. 3:
As he puttered away, Perlman cracked terrible food jokes ("Two peanuts were walking in Central Park; one was assaulted") and dropped cooking hints that a neophyte food writer dutifully jotted down.
The Book of Words
By Lawrence Kushner
Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights Pub.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted...peanut.
Google News Archive
4 February 1993, Madison (IN) Courier, “I’m Just Sayin’” by Scott Karst, pg. 9, col. 1:
That was probably the dumbest thing I ever heard in my 28 1/2 years on this planet, with the one exception being my uncle’s joke about two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted (a salted).
The Canonical List of Taglines
Maintained by Jascha Franklin-Hodge
Last Update: 1994/11/27 5:22pm EST
Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.
23 September 1996, Rocky Mountain News (Denver, CO), “The Monday Joke” by Rebecca Jones:
Two peanuts were walking in Central Park, one was assaulted.
The Best Life List:
Your Itemized Guide to the Good Life
By Dee Dee Clermont
Avon, MA: Adams Media
Word-Play Joke: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.