According to a popular joke, two psychiatrists (or two liberals) pass by a man who was just attacked and left bleeding in a ditch. One says to the other, “We must find the people who did this! They need help!”
 
A version involving two sociologists was cited in print in 1997. A version with two liberals was cited in 1999. Political comedian Mark Russell was credited with the joke in 2002. Mark Shields, a liberal political commentator, told the joke on PBS NewsHour (The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour).
 
         
Google Books
Values, Virtues
By Howard G. Hendricks and Bob Phillips
Sisters, OR: Multnomah Books
1997
Pg. 192:
A man was attacked and left bleeding in a ditch. Two sociologists passed by, and one said to the other, “We must find the man who did this — he needs help.”
 
Google Groups: atl.general
The inmates are running the asylum
Phreddy
2/28/99
(...)
Ah yes, reminds me of an old joke:
 
2 liberals are walking down the street together when they spot a man laying in the gutter, beaten and bloody, moaning about being robbed. So the one liberal turns to the other liberal and says “we have got to find the person who did this, he needs help.”
 
Google Groups: alt.quotations
Radicals are unaccountable for their actions
JT Abar
4/2/02
(...)
Obquote:
Two liberals were walking down the street in Washington, DC when they spotted a man lying in the gutter.  The man had been robbed and badly beaten.  Walking away one liberal turns to the other and says “We have to find the person who did this, he needs help.”
—Mark Russell, political satirist—
 
Stormfront
Rab4 
01-28-2007, 01:28 AM
Re: Judge finds 9 out of 10 defendants guilty in brutal Long Beach assault.
Reminds me of the story of the liberals who found someone who had been beaten. Their response?
We must find the people who did this. They need help!
 
Google Groups: rec.sport.football.college
thoughts on the mass murder in Nebraska
Tom Enright
12/6/07
(...)
Two liberals are walking down the street.  They find a man beaten, tortured and robbed barely alive.  They look at him, and one liberal says to the other, “we should find the person who did this, he needs help.”
   
Google Books
The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes: Revised and Updated!
Over 2,000 One-liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs & Put-downs
Compiled by Barry Dougherty and H. Aaron Cohl  
New York, NY: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers, Inc.
2009
Pg. 389:
A man was attacked and left bleeding in a ditch. Two psychiatrists passed by and one said to the other, “We must find the man who did this—he needs help.”
 
Shouts from the Stoop
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2009
Quote of the Day
The general media reaction to the Ft. Hood massacre reminded me of an old joke. It’s about modern American liberals. One reason I feel secure in telling it is that I learned it from a liberal — from the commentator Mark Shields, who told it on television many years ago. Two liberals are walking down the road and they come to a person in the ditch. He has been beaten, and lies moaning, broken, bleeding. One liberal says to the other, “Quick, we have to find the people who did this: They need help.” -Jay Nordlinger
POSTED BY ALEX BALDMAN AT 7:56 AM
   
National Review Online—The Corner
Brothers, Bombs, Jokes . . .
By Jay Nordlinger
July 11, 2014 9:26 PM
(...)
I’m further reminded of a joke, which illustrates a mindset. You’ll never believe where I learned this joke — from the liberal commentator Mark Shields, who told it on the MacNeil/Lehrer Report, years ago.
 
Two liberals are walking down the road, when they come upon a man in the ditch. He has been badly beaten, left for dead. He is moaning, groaning. One liberal turns to the other and says, “Quick, we have to find the people who did this. They need help.”