A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“What kind of cheese has been interrogated?"/"Grilled cheese.” (3/28)
“What do you call a curd that’s been asked a lot of questions?"/"A grilled cheese.” (3/28)
“What do you call interrogated gouda?"/"Grilled cheese.” (3/28)
“A beaver walks into a bar…” (bar joke) (3/28)
“Grilled cheese sandwiches are just cheese sandwiches that have been interrogated” (3/28)
More new entries...

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Dachshund Sausage

Dadvertising (dad + advertising)

"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"/"Yes, we arson."

"Dad, a boy at school called me gay!" (joke)

"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?"/"No, son, it wouldn't be right."

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"/"No sun."

"Dad used to say 'the sky's the limit.' Which is probably why he got fired from NASA"

"Dad, what's a forklift?"/"Food, usually."

"Dad, what are clouds made of?"/"Linux servers, mostly."

"Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist"

Daffodil Capital of Texas (Round Rock nickname)

Dagwood Sandwich

D'Ag Fresh Market (D'Agostino)

Daily BS (Daily Beast nickname)

Daily Crapper (Daily Caller nickname)

Daily Fail (Daily Mail nickname)

Daily Kooks (Daily Kos nickname)

Daily Least (Daily Beast nickname)

New York Daily Snooze (New York Daily News nickname)


Dallasite (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallasonian (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallass (Dallas nickname)

Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili)

Dallas Crimes Herald (Dallas Times Herald nickname)

Dallas Morning Snooze (Dallas Morning News nickname)

Dallas Palace

Dallas Phallus/ Ball/ Golf Ball/ Microphone/ Dandelion/ Circle Tower (Reunion Tower nickname)

Dallas Star (cocktail)

Dallas (summary)

Dallitude or Dallatude (Dallas attitude)

Damnocracy (damn + democracy); Damnocrat (damn + Democrat)

"Damn girl, are you a cop? Because you just took my breath away"

"Damn girl, are you a fire alarm? Because you're really loud and annoying"

"Damn girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every day"

"Damn girl, are you a piñata? Cause imma need a blindfold before I hit that"

"Damn girl, are you a Reddit user?" (joke)

"Damn girl, are you a smoke detector?" (joke)

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because I want you to stay away from me"

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you’re all I’m thinking about" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you make me sick" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you spread fast and you're nasty"

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because I want to flatten your curves" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because you’re killing me" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because you take my breath away" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19?"/"Let me guess. Did I take your breath away?"

"Damn girl, are you my report card? Because my parents would be disgusted if they saw you"

"Damn girl, are you the Coronavirus? Because I’m sick of hearing about you"

"Damn, this year went by so fast I didn't get a chance to lose weight"

Damon Runyon (who never used "Big Apple")

"Damp hands make smooth balls" (food adage)

"Dancers count 5-6-7-8 because musicians took 1-2-3-4"

"Dance enables you to find yourself and lose yourself at the same time"

"Dance is a series of three-minute romances" ("three-minute love affair")

"Dance like nobody's watching. Drink like you don't have to work tomorrow"

"Dance like nobody's watching. Drink on Sundays like you don't have to go to work in the morning"

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like no one is watching, but text, post and email like it will be read in court one day"

"Dance like your vagina is on fire"

"Dance with the one who brung you" (Darrell Royal)

"Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play"

"Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire"

Danger Dog (Tijuana Hot Dog; Tijuana Dog; Mexican Hot Dog; Bacon Dog)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Fucktards" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Fuckwits" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Idiots" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Morons" (safety sign)

"Danger: You are being conditioned to view your freedom as selfish"

Dango (Japanese sweet dumpling on a stick)

Danish Pastry

Dan Dan Mian (Dan Dan Noodles)

Dapanji or Da Pan Ji (Big Plate Chicken)

"Dark chocolate is at least 60% coco beans therefore it's a vegetable"

Dark Horse

Dark Horse Car

Dark Inventory

Dark Kitchen

Dark Money (political contributions from unrevealed sources)

Dark 'N' Stormy (cocktail)

Dark 'N' Stormy (ice cream float)

Dark Store

Dark Thirty (Zero Dark Thirty; Oh Dark Thirty; 0 Dark 30; 0 Dark 100)

Dark Zone (area without electrical power)

Darth Vader Building (Family Court)

Dash to Trash

Dawn Raid

"Daylight didn't ask to be saved. Daylight didn't want to be saved"

"Days are now divided by coffee hours and alcohol hours"

"Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday"

Day 1 -- Sunday

"Day 27: The garbage man stuck a pamphlet for AA on my recycling bin"

Day 2 -- Monday

"Day 35 of quarantine; Can you blink a little more quietly please?"

Day 3 -- Tuesday

Day 4 -- Wednesday

"Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat"

"Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little shits called in a bomb threat"

Day 5 -- Thursday

Day 6 -- Friday

"Day 6 of quarantine. Preparing to take out the garbage. So excited can't decide what to wear"

"Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, 'See? This is why I chew the furniture'"

Day 7 -- Saturday

"Day school tuition is the best form of birth control" (joke)

DBAG or D-Bag (Deutsche Bank AG nickname)

Deadbeat (Dead Beat)

Deadbeat (someone who pays a credit balance in full and on time)


"Deadlines spur action" (business adage)

Deadpan (Dead-pan)

Deadstream Media (Dead Stream Media)

Dead Cat Bounce

Dead End Kids

Dead Hook (Red Hook)

Dead Line

Dead Man's Curve

Dead Man's Hand

Dead Meat (to be a loser or in serious trouble)

Dead Parrot Economy

Dead President (paper money)

Dead Tree Edition

Dead Tree Media

"Dead voters vote Democrat"

"Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency -- and don't complain about the heat"

"Dear animals, I'm sorry it took me so long"

"Dear Apple, No one uses the word 'ducking,' absolutely no one"

"Dear Autocorrect, No one uses the word 'ducking,' absolutely no one"

"Dear Bartender, don’t be offended if we ask ’Is there any liquor in this drink?’"

"Dear Coca-Cola Company: No more new flavors. Either add the cocaine back, or leave it alone"

Dear Colleague Letter

"Dear Dairy: Today I failed another spelling test"

"Dear Diamond, We all know who is really a girl's best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake"

"Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry -- I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge"

"Dear Facebook! Please stop suggesting people I may know. I do know them. I don't like them"

"Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat"

"Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed"

"Dear God, thank you for these noodles. Ramen"

"Dear homework, you're not attractive and I'm not doing you"

"Dear King Philip Came Over For Good Soup" (taxonomy mnemonic)

"Dear King Philip Came Over For Good Spaghetti" (taxonomy mnemonic)

Dear Leader

"Dear liver, it's Friday. Sorry, little buddy"

"Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles. Ramen"

"Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems. Sincerely, Students"

"Dear Monday, Go step on a Lego"

"Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday"

"Dear Mother Nature: Having received my free sample of winter I would like to cancel..."

"Dear New Year’s Resolution, Well, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd"

"Dear New Year’s Resolutions, Well, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd"

"Dear non essentials that recently started going back to work....hit the gas, we drive fast now"

"Dear Plexiglass; Thank you for protecting me from the masked cashier that just touched everything"

"Dear Pringles, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world, right?"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world? Sincerely, iPod"

"Dear Rioters. IRS Building. Please and thank you"

"Dear Santa, I was naughty and it was worth it. You fat judgemental bastard"

"Dear Santa, I was naughty and it was worth it. You fat judgmental bastard"

"Dear Science, when I suck in my tummy, where does the fat go and why doesn't it stay there?"

"Dear social media: Please stop suggesting people I may know. I do know them. I don't like them"

"Dear taco trucks, Please consider cruising the neighborhoods like ice cream trucks"

"Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter..."

"Dear Twitter: Please stop suggesting people I may know. I do know them. I don't like them"

"Dear Weatherman, When I said I'd like to see 105 again, I meant my weight"

"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office -- I will track you down. You have my Word"

"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office -- I will track you down. You have my Word"

Deathalator (death + ventilator)

Deather (death announcement skeptic)

Deathilator (death + ventilator)

Death's Thoroughfare (Mulberry Street)


Death Avenue; Slaughter on Tenth Avenue

"Death before decaf"

"Death begins in the colon"

Death Belt (death penalty states of the South)

Death by Chocolate

Death Drop or Deathdrop (dance move)

"Death eating a cracker"

"Death on toast"

Death Panel

"Death rides with the drinking driver"

Death Star (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

Death Street (Houston Street)

Death Tax (estate tax)

Debbie Downer

Debtberg (debt + iceberg)

Debtcropper (debt + sharecropper)

Debtmageddon (debt + Armageddon)

Debtocracy (debt + democracy); Debtocrat (debt + bureaucrat/Democrat)

Debtoholic (debt + -oholic)

Debtpocalypse (debt + apocalypse)

Debt Man Walking


Debt Star (debt + death star)

Decaf (short of "decaffeinated")


"Decaffeinated coffee is just brown sadness water"

"Decaffeinated coffee is just dirty water"

"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister"

"Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle"

"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend"

Decafitation (decaf + decapitation)

"Decaf coffee is just dirty water"

"Decaf coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle"

"Decaf coffee? Would you like some orange free orange juice with that?"

"Decaf coffee? You mean brown sadness water?"

"Decaf is broken coffee"

"Decaf is faced backwards"

"Decaf only works if you throw it on people"

"Decaf? You mean broken coffee"

"December 25th feels more like a deadline than a holiday"

Decepticrat (deception + Democrat)

"Decided to give all my money to Charity last night. The other strippers were a bit miffed"

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it"

"Deciding whether to buy gold or silver is an either ore situation"

"Decisions I need the government to make for me: [blank lines]"

"Deck the halls with matzo balls"

Decoration Day

Deepcession (deep + depression + recession)

Deep-Dish Pizza (Chicago-Style Pizza)

Deep-Fried Cookie Dough (Deep-Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough)

Deep Kimchi (deep trouble)

Deep Pockets ("short arms and deep pockets")

Deep State (state within a state)

Deer Capital of Texas (Llano nickname)

Deer Market

Defeatocrat (defeat + Democrat)

"Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat"

"Defense never slumps" (baseball adage)

"Defense travels well"

Defensive Back University or DBU (University of Texas Longhorns football team nickname)

Defensive Voting

"Defibrillators repulse me"

Deficit Day

"Defining deviancy down" (Daniel Patrick Moynihan)

"Definition of a pickle: A cucumber soured by a jarring experience"

"Definition of a Socialist: Someone who wants everything you have...except your job"

"Definition of obscene profits — something you always hear about but never experience yourself"


"Defund involuntary funding"

"Defund politicians"

"Defund the media" (#DefundtheMedia)

"Defund the politicians"

"Defund the thought police"


"Dehydration is not something to cry about"

Deja Brew (déjà vu + brew)

"DeKalb Avenue, change here for the 'B' as in boy, the 'D' as in dog ..."

Delaware: Diamond State (nickname)

Delaware: Muskrat (nickname)

Delaware: "Square from Delaware" (slang)

Delaware: "What did Delaware?"/"Her New Jersey."


"Delay, deny, and hope that I die" (refrain about benefits claims)

"Delay is the deadliest form of denial"

"Delete the elite"

Delhi Belly (traveler's diarrhea)

Delicatessen Drive (Seventh Avenue between 53rd and 54th Streets)

Delicatessen Store ("Deli")

Deliciositicity or Deliciousiticity (form of "delicious")

"Deliciously Different" (Big Red soft drink slogan)

Delish (delicious)

Deliver Everyone's Luggage To Atlanta (Delta backronymic nickname)

Dellionaire (Dell computer millionaire)

Delmonico Potatoes

Delmonico Steak

Del Rioan (inhabitant of Del Rio)

DeMarxist (Democrat + Marxist)

Dementiacrat (dementia + Democrat)

"Dementia can lead to obesity. Especially if you keep forgetting you're on a diet"

Dementocrat (demented + Democrat)

Demobrat (Democrat + brat)

Democalypse (democracy + apocalypse)

Democide (demos/democracy + homicide)

"DEMOCRACY Because you're outnumbered so fuck your individual rights"

"Democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government"

"Democracy dies in darkness"

"Democracy dies in darkness" (Washington Post slogan)

"Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame"

"Democracy is just crowdfunded tyranny"

"Democracy is mob rule (but with income taxes)"

"Democracy is not a spectator sport"

"Democracy is the suggestion box for slaves"

"Democ­racy is the worst form of gov­ern­ment, except for all the oth­ers"

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch"

"Democracy is when people vote the way I tell them to"

"Democracy is when people vote the way I want them to"

"Democracy is when people who can't run their own life, run yours"

"Democracy is when people who can't run their own lives, ruin yours"

Democracy Plaza (NBC's Rockefeller Center election headquarters)

Democracy Wall (Carroll Street subway station, Carroll Gardens)

"Democracy, whiskey, sexy"

Democrap (Democrat + crap)

Democratic Donkey

"Democratic Socialism: Everyone votes for the state to forcibly take your money"

"Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people..."

"Democrats fall in love; Republicans fall in line"

"Democrats initiate, Republicans consolidate"

"Democrats vote on Tuesday, Republicans vote on Wednesday" (joke)

"Democrats will give you the shirt off my back"

Democrat Night Live (Saturday Night Live or SNL nickname)

Democrat Party or Democratic Party (usage)

Democrazy (democracy + crazy)

Democrook (Democrat + crook)

"Demography is destiny"

Demokraut (Democrat + Kraut)

Demolicious (demolition of Texas Stadium)

Demolitioncrat (demolition + Democrat)

Demoncrap (Democrat party nickname)

Demoncrat (Democrat party nickname)

Demonrat (Democrat party nickname)

Demon Pass (Deem and Pass)

Demopublican (Democrat + Republican)

Demorrhoids (Democrat + hemorrhoids)

Demosclerosis (democracy + sclerosis)

Demosthenes of Texas (Richard Bennett Hubbard, Jr.)

Demotard (Democrat + retard)

Dempression (Democrat + depression)

Demwit (Democrat + dimwit)

Dem Bums (Brooklyn Dodgers)

"Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. The five stages of realizing you're out of wine"

"Denise" and "Denephew" (New York dialect joke)

Denisonian (inhabitant of Denison)

"Denny's is just Waffle House for people who can't fight"

"Denny’s is just Waffle House for people who don’t know how to fight. -- Friedrich Nietzsche"

"Dentists are going on strike. Brace yourself!"

"Dentists are going on strike. Brace yourselves!"

"Dentists are janitors for mouths"

Dentonite (inhabitant of Denton)

Department of Exaggeration (Department of Education nickname)

Department of Fatherland Security (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Insecurity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Sabotage (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Stupidity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Surveillance (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeless Insecurity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Hopeless Security (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Paperwork

Department of Redundancy Department

Department of Social Justice (Department of Justice nickname)


"Deposed kings get throne away"

Depression Apple Sellers (1930s)

Depression Cake

"Depression is the toothpaste to the sweet orange juice that is life"

Depression Sandwich (hot dog)

"Depression -- When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you"

"Depresso: When you've run out of coffee"

"Depresso: when you've run out of coffee. Represso: when you refuse to talk about it"

Derby Daiquiri (and Derby Daiquiri Pie)

Debris (sandwich)

Derivatives Dealers' Club

"Descartes walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"Describe yourself in three words."/"Lazy."

Designers' Row

Deskfast (desk + breakfast)

"Desktops imply the existence of deskbottoms"

Desk Appearance Ticket (DAT)

Desnuda (nude)

"Despite a valiant effort by my dog from our window, our neighbor has entered his own home"

"Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner"

"Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular"

"Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to a courthouse. It’ll be Trial by F

Dessertery (dessert + bakery/eatery)

"Desserts" is "stressed" spelled backward

Destination Bartender

Destination Restaurant

Destructocrat (destruction + Democrat)




Detroitocrat (Detroit + Democrat)

"Developers, developers, developers"

Develop Don't Destroy

Devil's Backbone

Devil's Food Cake

Devil's Lettuce (marijuana)

Devil's Metal (silver nickname)

Devil's Night or Devils' Night (October 30th)

Devil's Playhouse (Webster Hall)

Dewey, Cheatham & Howe (fictitious law/accounting/consulting firm)

Dewey, Huey and Louie (DHL Express backronymic nickname)

Dextrosphere (right blogosphere)

De-Portland (Portland nickname)

DFL (Dead Fucking Last)

Dhimmicrat (dhimmi + Democrat)

Dhimmirat or Dhimirat (dhimmi + rat/Democrat)

DIABLO (Democrat In All But Label Only)

Diamond District (Diamond & Jewelry Way)

Diamond Horseshoe (Metropolitan Opera House ring of seats; Billy Rose nightclub)

Diana (of Madison Square Garden)

Diaper District

"Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans"

"Diarrhoea Is A Really Runny Heap Of Endless Amounts" ("diorrhoea" backronym)

Dictocrat (dictator + bureaucrat)

"Didn't do her any good, didn't do her any harm"

"Didn't support the troops -- saw a bumper sticker, now do"

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?"/"No, they had an apple."

"Did anyone ask cauliflower if it wanted to be all these things?"

"Did anyone laugh when you fell while skating?" (joke)

"Did a load of pajamas so I would have clean work clothes this week"

Did I Eat That ("diet" backronym)

"Did I invite you to my barbecue? No! Then why are you all up in my grill?"

"Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal"

"Did my good deed for the day and gave up my seat for an elderly lady" (joke)

"Did Rudolph go to a regular school?"/"No, he was elf taught."

"Did the government’s credibility die OF Covid or WITH Covid?"

"Did the government's credibility die WITH Covid or FROM Covid?"

"Did the government's credibility die WITH Covid or OF Covid?"

"Did you bring bread for the pigeons (in the park)?"/"No, I eat them without the bread."

"Did you eat the leftovers I was saving in the fridge?"/"No, I ate them in the living room."

"Did you ever notice that there are no recipes for leftover chocolate?"

"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe coffee is addicted to ME?"

"Did you get a haircut?"/"No, I got them all cut."

"Did you hear about the boxing match between a rabbit and a hedgehog? The hedgehog won on points"

"Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? They were river dancing"

"Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage"

"Did you hear about the angry gymnast? He just flipped"

"Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped"

"Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!"

"Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals"

"Did you hear about the barista who became really buff? She's been working on her French press"

"Did you hear about the barista who became really buff? She's been working on her French press"

"Did you hear about the bread maker who was into BDSM? He was gluten for punishment"

"Did you hear about the cannibal policeman who was arrested for grilling his suspects?"

"Did you hear about the cannibal policeman who was arrested for grilling his suspects?"

"Did you hear about the carpenter who drank on the job? He got hammered"

"Did you hear about the carpenter who drank too many screwdrivers? He got hammered"

"Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the Olympics? It fell at the final curdle"

"Did you hear about the coin shortage? Apparently, America is literally out of common cents"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil"

"Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one!"

"Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?" (joke)

"Did you hear about the farmer who made gloves out of herbs? He had way too much thyme on his hands"

"Did you hear about the funeral home that closed? Apparently business was dead"

"Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage"

"Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now"

"Did you hear about the guy who evaporated? He’ll be mist!"

"Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for stealing hay? He made bale"

"Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in Apple? He was in cider trading"

"Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural"

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn distance relationship"

"Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way"

"Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He's awake now"

"Did you hear about the lobster that got the job at Pizza Hut? He works in the crust station"

"Did you hear about the man who wanted to sound Irish? He decided to go for brogue!"

"Did you hear about the man who evaporated? He will be mist"

"Did you hear about the man who invented Polos? They say he made a mint"

"Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made a mint"

"Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River? He committed sewercide"

"Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?" (joke)

"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives"

"Did you hear about the musician who skipped a bar of silence? He was resisting a rest"

"Did you hear about the new Chinese cookbook? '101 Ways to Wok Your Dog'"

"Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire? It's for foul balls"

"Did you hear about the new low-fat religion? 'I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha'"

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!"

"Did you hear about the Pokémon that has Covid-19? It was Koffing"

"Did you hear about the Polish helicopter crash? The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan"

"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?" (joke)

"Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally"

"Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore"

"Did you hear about the world's largest pickle? It's a really big dill!"

"Did you hear my last recital?"/"I hope so."

"Did you hear that joke about the butter?" (joke)

"Did you hear the joke about the banana peel?"/"Sorry, it must have slipped my mind."

"Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?"/"It was legend dairy."

"Did you hear the story of the boy who spoke to legumes? Jack and the Beans Talk"

"Did you know 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine? Fitness is my passion"

"Did you know about the Japanese sausage demon? The Pepper Oni"

"Did you know all fishermen are Marxists? Because the sea's the means of production"

"Did you know apples are grown on a mountain? It's called the Apple-achian"

"Did you know that 10-60 minutes of yoga per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?"

"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?"

"Did you know that 2-3 shots of tequila per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?"

"Did you know that 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a damn?"

"Did you know that 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?"

"Did you know that 6 to 8 beers per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?"

"Did you know that if you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA..."

"Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece"

"Did you know the Missouri Pacific Railroad is mentioned in the Bible?" (railroad joke)

"Did you see the arrows?"/"I didn't even see the Indians!" (one-way store aisle)

"Did you see the arrows?"/"I didn't even see the Indians!" (one-way street)

"Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener"

Died Suddenly (#diedsuddenly)

"Dietary Fact: If you drink a gallon of water daily, you won't have time to be in anyone's business"

"Dieters live life in the fasting lane"

"Dieting is easy. It's like riding a bike. And the bike is on fire..."

"Dieting is not a piece of cake"

"Dieting is the penalty for living beyond your seams"

"Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter"

"Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad"

"Dieting is wishful shrinking"

"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it"

"Diet: a brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds"

"Diet books are popular because they appeal to a wide audience"

"Diet is a four-letter word"

"Diet is 'die' with a 'T'"

"Diet is 'die' with a 'tea'"

Diet Joke (Diet Coke nickname)

"Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories"

Diet Texas (Oklahoma nickname)

"Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first"

"Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any"

"Diet without tea is just die"

"Difference between dead armadillo and dead lawyer in road? The armadillo has skid marks in front!"

"Different strokes for different folks"

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations"

"Digestive biscuits imply the existence of indigestive biscuits"

"Digging tunnels is a boring job"

"Digital ID & Digital Currency is a prison for every man, woman & child upon the earth"

"Dignity is one thing that can't be preserved in alcohol"

"Dig a five-dollar hole for a fifty-cent plant" (gardening adage)

"Dihydrogen monoxide is deliberately sprayed on organic crops"

Dijon Vu (dijon mustard + deja vu)

Dillicious (dill + delicious)

Dill Piccolo (dill pickle + piccolo)

"Dill Piccolo -- the wind instrument that plays only sour notes"

Dimes Square (Canal and Division Streets, Chinatown)

Dimocrat (dim + Democrat)

Dim Sum

"Dim Sum implies the existence of Bright Difference"

"Dim sum implies the existence of dim min, max, and average"

"Diner: Do you have a bathroom? Waiter: No, we go outside."

"Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don't know. We never measure it."

"Diner: Is soup on the menu? Waiter: No, I wiped it off."

"Diner: I've tasted fresher fish. Waiter: Not in here!" (Jewish joke)

"Diner: I can't eat this! Call the manager! Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it, either.”

"Diner: There's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."

"Diner: This coffee tastes like mud. Waiter: Well, it was ground this morning!"

"Diner: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No, they'll be round."

"Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round."

"Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table."

Dine and Dash

"Dining In A Rough Restaurant: Hurry, Otherwise Expect Accidents" ("diarrhoea" backronym)

Dining in the Dark (Dark Dining)

Dining Room Lumber (toothpick)

"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off"

"Dinner is where the magic happens in the kitchen"

"Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?"

"Dinosaurs had no coffee. How did that work out?"

"Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out"

Dinosaur Capital of Texas (Glen Rose nickname)

Dinosaur Media

Dinosaur Wine (oil)

DINO (Democrat In Name Only)

Din-din (dinner)

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock"

"Diplomacy without force is like an orchestra without instruments"

"Diploma: Remembrance of things passed"

"Directing is 90 percent casting" (theatre adage)

"Dried grapes are my raisin d'être"

Dirty Bronx

Dirty Image (and illegal postering)

Dirty Rice (Cajun Rice)

Dirty SA (San Antonio nickname)

Dirty South

Dirty Sprite

Dirty Third (Dirty 3rd)

Dirty Thirty (30th Police Precinct nickname)

Dirty Water Dog

Dirty Yards (short runs in football)

"Dirt and bling. It's a softball thing"

Dirt Bond


Dirt Tank

"[Driving] Wife: You missed a right. Me: Thanks babe – you MRS right."

"Disability is not inability" ("Disability does not mean inability")

"Disabled cookies? In my day, we called them broken biscuits"

Disappearance Ticket (desk appearance ticket)

"Disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid"


"Disarming innocent people does not protect innocent people"

Disassociated Press (Associated Press nickname)

"Disasters don't discriminate"

Disaster Divide

DisAster Place or DisAstor Place (Astor Place)

DisAster Place or DisAstor Place (Astor Place Opera House)

"Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don't want to do it"

"Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most"

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment"

Disco Diva

Disco Fries (American version of "Poutine")

"Discretionary goods -- things people don't need, paid for with money people don't have"

Disenfrenchfries (disenfranchise + french fries)

Disgracebook (disgrace + Facebook)

"Dishes! We meet again you dirty bastards"

Dish Drain Jenga

Dish Pig (a person who washes dishes)

Disinfowars (disinfo + InfoWars)

Disloyalty Card

"Dismay: to insult the fifth month"

Disneyland for Wall Street (Manhattan)

Disneyland of Dairy Stores (Stew Leonard's nickname)

"Disney World is like a huge people trap that is operated by a mouse"

Disrespectchup (disrespect + ketchup)

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism"

"Distilled water is just cooked water"

District of Confusion (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Corruption (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Criminals (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Cunts (Washington, D.C. nickname)

"Distrust every enterprise that requires new clothes"

Ditcher, Quick & Hyde (fictitious divorce law firm)

Dittohead (Ditto Head)

Dive Bar (Dive)

Divorce Cake

"Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet"

Diworsification (diversification + worse)

"Dixie" or "Dixie's Land" (1859)

DLTDHYOTWO (Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out)

"DNT TXT N DRV" (bumper sticker)

Dobe (also Dobie, Doby) Biscuit

DoBro (Downtown Brooklyn)


"Doctors bury their mistakes; journalists put theirs on the front page"

"Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less"

Doctors' Row (or, Irish Fifth Avenue)

"Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!" (joke)

"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!" (joke)

“Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot."/"Don't get yourself in a stew."

"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a hotel."/"Can I examine you?"/"Be my guest."

"Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty" (joke)

Doctor Doom or Dr. Doom (economic pessimist)

"Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Yes. Mostly brisket, some ribs."

Doctor Google (Dr. Google)

Doctor of Democracy

"Doctor says alcoholism is a disease. Bartender says get your shots here"

"Doctor, when do you think Covid19 will be over?"/"I don't know. I'm not a journalist."

"Doctor, why do I toot like a motorcycle?"/"Because abscess makes the fart go Honda."

Documented Instance of Public Eating (DIPE)

Documents Hopelessly Lost or Drivers Hopelessly Lost (DHL Express backronymic nickname)

"Doc, I'm addicted to Twitter!"/"Sorry, I don't follow you."

"Doc, I have lettuce sticking out of my bum."/"Sorry, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg."

Doc Shock

Dodger Way (Dodgers' Way)

Doesn't Even Leave The Airport or Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport (Delta backronymic nickname)

"Doesn't It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle" ("diarrhoea" backronym)

"Does anyone else get road rage from pushing a cart through the aisles at Walmart?"

"Does anyone have any spare conspiracy theories? Mine are all coming true..."

"Does anyone have a recipe for ice cream soup?"

"Does anyone know how many snowmen you're allowed in your garden under current restrictions?"

"Does anyone know if I can buy clothes pegs online?"

"Does anyone know if the Arachnophobia Helpline has a website?"

"Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet? Or are we still just washing our hands?"

"Does anyone know the number that parents are supposed to call if we need a substitute teacher?"

"Does anyone know where adults can trick or treat? Looking for a neighborhood that hands out tacos"

"Does anyone know where I can get an extended car warranty?"

"Does anyone know where i can get an extended warranty for my car?"

"Does anyone know which page of the Bible explains how to turn water into wine?"

"Does anyone remember playing solitaire with real cards?"

"Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure"

"Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure"

"Does a biscuit website use cookies?"

"Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?"

"Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?"

"Does butternut squash know how filthy it sounds?"

"Does comedy on television cause comedy in the streets?"

"Does every sentence need to include a vegetable? Not neccescelery"

"Does every sentence have to contain a vegetable? Not nececelery"

"Does It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle" ("diarrhoea" backronym)

"Does Macy's tell Gimbels?"

"Does McDonald's Sell Cheese Burgers?" (math mnemonic)

"Does McDonald's Sell Cheese Burgers?" (math mnemonic)

"Does McDonald's Serve Cheese Burgers?" (math mnemonic)

"Does putting ketchup on everything affect your credit score?"

"Does running late count as exercise?"

"Does running out of money count as exercise?"

"Does running out of money count as exercise?"

"Does social distancing tack on six additional feet to each active restraining order?"

"Does swimming in debt count as cardio?"

"Does the flap of a butterfly's wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?"

"Does the jelly in a donut count as a serving of fruit? Asking for a friend"

"Does the Michelin Man get dressed in evening a tire?"

"Does the minister's cow produce pastorized milk?"

"Does this hotel offer a turndown service?"/"Not to you."

"Does this truck make my neck look red?"

"'Does this uniform make me look fat?' -- the insecurity guard"

"Does wine count as a serving of fruit?"

"Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?"

"Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?"

Dogcatcher Elections ("Couldn't get elected dog catcher")

Doggie Bag

"Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan"

"Dogs, coffee, music"

"Dogs have masters, cats have staff"

"Dogs have owners, cats have staff"

"Dogs prepare you for babies. Cats prepare you for teenagers"

"Dogs run and they live 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live 150 years. Lesson learned"

"Dogs welcome inside. Please tie children to post out front" (sign)

Doguero (hot dog vendor)

Dog and Phoney Show (Dog and Phony Show)

Dog and Phony Show (Dog and Phoney Show)

"Dog catchers get paid by the pound"

"Dog is man's best friend until you need a ride to the airport"

"Dog lovers don't eat dogs. Cat lovers don't eat cats. Animal lovers don't eat animals"

"Dog obedience schools have grades K - 9"

Dog Walker

"Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark..."

"Doing God's work" (investment banking joke)

"Doing my part to keep the coffee industry financially strong"

"Doing sit-ups at home is a form of domestic ab use"

"Doing squats so my ass matches my sass"

"Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness"

"Doing your best does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown"

"Doing your taxes on April Fools' Day seems like a legitimate way to defraud the government"


Dollars, Taxes (Dallas, Texas)

"Dollars to doughnuts"

Dollar Diplomacy

Dollar Menu (Value Menu)

Dollar Store of the Sky (Spirit Airlines nickname)

Dollar Van

Dolphins (College of Staten Island teams)

Dominican Day Parade

Domino (to give birth)

"Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Submissive Pérignon"

"Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Sub and Switch Pérignon"

"Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Sub Pérignon"

"Donald Trump walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Donburi (Japanese rice bowl)

"Done is better than perfect"

"Done like a dinner"

Donkeycrat (donkey + Democrat)

Donkey Sauce

Donkey Tails (hot dogs with cheddar cheese in a tortilla, then fried)

Donnoli or Danolli (donut + cannoli)

Donor Maintenance

Donotnut (from "donut")

Don'tnut (from "donut")

"Don't agonize, organize"

"Don't applaud -- just throw cash"

"Don't applaud -- just throw money"

"Don't ask me about my protein and I won't ask you about your cholesterol"

"Don't ask me why I'm a vegetarian. Ask yourself why you're not"

"Don't ask me why I'm vegan. Ask yourself why you're not"

"Don't ask why health food is so expensive. Ask why junk food is so cheap"

"Don't ask why I need an AR-15. Ask why an IRS agent needs one"

"Don't back no losers" ("Don't make no waves, don't back no losers")

"Don't believe everything you read in the papers"

"Don't believe what you see in September" (baseball adage)

"Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together"

"Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents' job"

"Don't be a dick for a tick"

"Don't be a jabroni. Eat your ravioli"

"Don't be a part of the problem. Be the whole problem"

"Don't be a speaker, be an expert who speaks"

"Don't be dismayed, be disjuned"

"Don't be dumb and mix wine and rum"

"Don't be evil" (Google motto)

"Don't be eye candy, be soul food"

"Don't be gentle, it's a rental"

"Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted"

"Don’t be mad at lazy people. They didn’t do anything"

"Don't be mad at lazy people. They haven't done anything"

"Don't be part of the problem. Be the whole problem"

"Don't be pushed around by your problems. Be led by your dreams"

"Don’t be shy. Send that 12th unanswered text. -- Tequila"

"Don’t be shy. Send that 12th unanswered text.—Tequila"

"Don’t be upsetti -- eat some spaghetti" ("Don't get upsetti -- have some spaghetti")

"Don't be upset by the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do"

"Don’t be upset -- eat some spaghett" ("Don't get upset -- have some spaghett")

"Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you..." (joke)

"Don’t be yourself. Be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza"

"Don’t blame a clown acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus"

"Don't blame the baker when the butcher bakes the bread"

Don't block the box!

"Don't bore us, get to the chorus" (music adage)

"Don't bring up the past of a person who is trying to improve their future"

"Don't California my Texas"

"Don't call him a cowboy till you've seen him ride"

"Don't call me a 'Conspiracy Theorist'. I prefer a 'Connect the dots Specialist'"

"Don't call them illegal firearms. Call them undocumented weapons and let them live..."

"Don't call us, we'll call you" (entertainment saying)

"Don't Canada my America"

"Don't Canada my Florida"

"Don't Canada my Texas"

"Don't change horses in the middle of the stream" ("Don't swap horses in midstream")

"Don't chase anything but drinks and dreams"

"Don't cheat yourself. Treat yourself"

"Don't chop me down! I'm a talking tree!"/"And you will dialogue."

"Don't clap -- just throw money"

"Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it"

"Don’t compare me to the Almighty, compare me to the alternative"

"Don't confuse brains with a bull market" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't count calories, count chemicals"

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

"Don't cry about money -- it never cries for you"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

"Don't cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey"

"Don't depend too much on anyone. Even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness"

"Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork"

"Don't discriminate against my unvaccinated children. They were born that way"

"Don't downgrade your dream just to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny"

"Don't do anything yourself that someone else can do for you"

"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time"

"Don't drink and drive -- you might hit a bump and spill your drink"

"Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people"

"Don't drink to drown your sorrows -- sorrows know how to swim"

"Don't drink water while studying. Chemistry says that concentration decreases on adding water"

"Don't drink with ghosts. They can't handle their boos"

"Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food"

"Don't eat the yellow snow"

"Don't Even THINK of Parking Here," "No Parking, No Standing, No Stopping, No Kidding"

"Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s most likely where you left your car"

"Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to put in"

"Don't ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart"

"Don't ever underestimate the heart of a champion." (Houston Rockets coach Rudy Tomjanovich)

Don't Expect Anything (Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA nickname)

Don't Expect Protection (Department of Environmental Protection or DEP nickname)

"Don't expect what you don't inspect" (management adage)

"Don't fail to miss tomorrow's game"

"Don't fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows"

"Don't fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows"

"Don't fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today"

"Don't feed me bullshit and tell me it's ice cream"

"Don't feed me crap and tell me it's ice cream"

"Don't feed me manure and tell me it's ice cream"

"Don't feed me shit and tell me it's ice cream"

"Don't fight the Bank of Canada"

"Don't fight the Fed"

"Don't fight the tape" (Wall Street proverb)

"Don't find time to exercise, make the time to exercise"

"Don't follow a model that doesn't work. If the recipe sucks, it doesn't matter how good a cook is"

"Don't follow me. I'm lost, too!" (bumper sticker)

"Don't follow the science, follow the money"

"Don't forget to buy your Halloween candy early so you have time to buy more after you eat it all"

"Don't forget to drink water and get some sun. You're basically a houseplant"

"Don't forget to pay your taxes this year. Other countries and politicians are depending on you!"

"Don't forget to pay your taxes this year. Other countries are depending on you"

"Don't forget to pick up wine for Mother's Day. After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks"

"Don’t forget to set your clocks from sunshine and happiness back to misery and despair"

"Don't forget to set your scales back 10 pounds tonight"

"Don’t forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds Wednesday night at 1am for Thanksgiving"

"Don't get Covid-19. They are releasing Covid-20 in September and it's much better"

"Don't get mad -- get even"

"Don't get mad -- get everything!"

"Don't get married to a stock" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't get your Snickers in a Twix"

"Don't get your tinsel in a tangle"

"Don't give up on things that make you smile"

"Don't give up. You've still got a couple of MFers to prove wrong"

"Don't go broke trying to look rich"

"Don't go through life without goals" (hockey saying)

"Don't go wobbly" ("This is no time to go wobbly")

"Don't guess -- soil test" (farming adage)

"Don't guess -- soil test" (lawn and garden adage)

"Don't hate. Create" ("Create! Don't hate")

"Don't hate people for being unvaccinated. They were born that way"

"Don't hurt people and don't take their stuff"

"Don't insult the alligator until after you cross the river"

"Don't disturb anyone working on a puzzle or you may hear some cross words"

"Don't judge a cook by his blubber"

"Don't just chase your dreams. Run them down"

"Don't just do something, stand there"

"Don't keep calm. Destroy this corrupt government"

"Don't keep calm. Destroy this corrupted government"

"Don't keep calm. Go change the world"

"Don't keep calm. Go out and change the world"

"Don't kiss anyone on New Year's Day because it's only the first date"

"Don't knock it till you've tried it"

"Don’t know how I feel about bars opening back up. Drinks gonna be weak compared to mine"

"Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guac, baby girl. Guac"

"Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guacamole, baby. Guacamole"

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes, tell you how to tie your laces"

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to walk"

"Don't let a team beat you twice"

"Don't let nobody who ain't been in your shoes, tell you how to tie your laces"

"Don't let the bastards grind you down" (Illegitimi non carborundum)

"Don't let the government take away your favorite side dish. They're trying to disenfrenchfries you"

"Don't let the same snake bite you twice"

"Don't let the tax tail wag the investment dog" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today"

"Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass"

"Don't let your fears decide your future"

"Don't let your fear decide your future"

"Don’t let your ice cream melt while counting somebody else's sprinkles"

"Don't let your meatloaf!" (slang)

"Don't let your meat loaf!" (slang)

"Don't let your mouth write checks your body can't cash"

"Don't let your printer know you're in a hurry. They smell fear"

"Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits"

"Don't look for crumbs when there's a cake right in front of you"

"Don't make excuses for nasty people. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase"

"Don't make fun of fat people. They have enough on their plates"

"Don't make me use my before coffee voice"

"Don't make me use my director voice"

"Don't meat your heroes" (vegetarian/vegan saying)

"Don't meat your heros" (vegetarian/vegan saying)

"Don't mess with success"

"Don't Mess With Texas"

"Don't Mess With Texas -- We're Armed"

"Don't mistake activity for achievement"

"Don't mourn -- organize" (labor slogan)

"Don't New York my Florida"

"Don't NY my Florida"

"Don't open a 'Ding, Dong' email! It's a Jehovah's Witness working from home"

"Don't open a 'Knock, Knock' email! It's a Jehovah's Witness working from home"

"Don’t panic, it’s organic"

"Don't park too close. I'm fat" (bumper sticker)

"Don't pay any attention to the critics—don't even ignore them"

"Don't pay for saves" (fantasy baseball adage)

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining"

"Don’t pick a job with great vacation time. Pick one that doesn’t need escaping from"

"Don't plant until Mother's Day" (gardening adage)

"Don't practice until you get it right; practice until you can't get it wrong"

"Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church"

"Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, don’t decide when sad"

"Don't prune in May or June" (gardening adage)

"Don't put sugar on shit and tell me it's a brownie"

"Don't put sugar on shit and tell me it's ice cream"

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"

"Don't quit your day job" (show business adage)

"Don't Rain On My Parade" (1964, 1968)

"Don't raise your voice, improve your argument"

"Don't reach for the stars. They are extremely hot and will incinerate you"

"Don’t resist chances. Take them like vitamins"

"Don't retreat -- reload"

"Don't scare the horses or the children"

"Don't sell America short"

"Don't sell drills -- sell holes"

"Don't sell the steak -- sell the sizzle"

"Don't send a boy to do a man's job"

"Don't send my boy to Texas" (Oklahoma University song)

"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm"

"Don't short new highs or buy new lows"

"Don't smoke, drink or chew, or run with boys who do"

"Don't stand outside and be miserable; come inside and get fed up" (restaurant sign)

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed"

"Don't steal -- the government hates competition"

"Don't stop and throw stones at every dog that barks" (business adage)

"Don't stop until you're proud"

"Don't stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done"

"Don't stress. Do your best. Forget the rest"

"Don't stress if someone says you are fat. You are bigger than that"

"Don't sweat the small stuff"

"Don't take any wooden nickels"

"Don't take candy from strangers"

"Don't talk about rope in a hanged man's house"

"Don't talk, just act. Don't say, just show. Don't promise, just prove"

"Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax the fellow behind that tree"

"Don't tell anyone 'I hate you' directly. Say 'You are the Monday of my life'"

"Don't tell anytwo, but I suck at math"

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"

"Don't tell my mother I'm a banker -- she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"

"Don't tell my mother I'm a politician -- she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"

"Don't tell people your plans. Show them your results"

"Don't think of yourself as a meme thief. The official title is Social Media Redistribution agent"

"Don't throw away cake to start looking for crumbs"

"Don't touch that dial!"

"Don't touch the whatchamacallit because it will make the doohickey not work with the thingamabob"

"Don't treat people as bad as they are, treat them as good as you are"

"Don't trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar"

"Don't trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar"

"Don't trust people that do acupuncture. They're back stabbers"

"Don't update your status when you're drunk"

"Don't update your status when you're drunk"

"Don't use your fridge as a morgue"

"Don't vote -- it only encourages them"

"Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat"

"Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect"

"Don’t wait to buy real estate. Buy real estate and wait"

"Don't wait. Vaccinate"

"Don’t want the neighbors thinking I’m rich... so I turned a few lights off"

"Don't waste a moment of your life trying to be normal"

"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going!"

"Don't wish for it -- work for it"

"Don't worry about biting off more than you can chew -- you have a big mouth"

"Don't worry about the snow storm. Everything's going to be all white"

"Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing"

"Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas..."

"Don't worry, beer happy"

"Don't worry, beer hoppy"

"Don't worry, be hoppy" (beer saying)

"Don't worry if the horse is blind, just load the wagon"

"Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine"

"Don't worry, it's okay to drink white after Labor Day"

"Don't worry, the bars are there to keep the freedom inside"

Donuts and Cops

"Donuts are healthier than crystal meth"

"Donuts are just dessert bagels"

"Donuts before bronuts"

"Donut implies the existence of donotnut"

"Donut implies the existence of don'tnut"

"Donut or donotnut. There is no trynut"

"Donut worry, be happy" ("Doughnut worry, be happy")


Doomtard (doom + retard)

Doorbell Night (October 30th)


Doorman (Door Man)

Doorperson (Door Person)

Doorwoman (Door Woman)

Dormandie Court or Dormandy Court (Normandie Court)

"'Dormitory' is an anagram for 'dirty room'"

Dormitory of New York (Brooklyn)

Dormitory Row

Dorm District (Yorkville, Manhattan)

"Dosas are just a vehicle for chutney"

"DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work"

DOTUS (Dog Of The United States)

Double Check (Seward Johnson's businessman sculpture in Liberty Park)

"Double chocolate cookies are brownies"


Double Dip

Double Dog Dare (Triple Dog Dare)

Double Dutch

Double Irish

Double Red Cross; Double Red Crossed (double-cross + Red Cross)

Double Wonder or Double Wonders (Chinese dish of chicken and shrimp)

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will"

Douche Bank (Deutsche Bank mispronunciation/nickname)

"Doughnuts are healthier than crystal meth"

"Doughnuts are just dessert bagels"

Doughnut Hole (Donut Hole)

Doughnut (zero bonus)

"Doughs before bros" ("Doughs over bros")

Dough Nut or Doughnut or Donut; Cruller


"Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap"

DoWiSeTrePla (Down Wind of the Sewage Treatment Plant)



"Downtown Dallas" (joke punchline)

Downtown Grand Central (Fulton Street Hub)

"Downtown Train" (1985)

"Down goes Frazier!"

Down Home Cooking

Dow Jones Propaganda Average (Dow Jones Industrial Average nickname)

Do a Brodie

"Do biscuits websites use cookies?"

"Do burlesque shows have undress rehearsals?"

"Do buses and trains run on time?"/"Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."

"Do buses and trains run on time?"/"Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."

"Do cannibals refer to homeless people as free range?"

Do Dat Barbecue (Nacogdoches)

"Do deer like cheese?"/"Fawn do."

"Do dragons enjoy playing offices and accountants?"

"Do history exams get harder every year?"

"Do holy cows give pastorized milk?"

"Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

"Do it today or regret it tomorrow"

"Do I know any sodium jokes? Na"

"Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?"

"Do I look like a freakin' people person?"

"Do I run? Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money"

"Do leprechauns make good secretaries?"/"Sure, they're great at shorthand!"

"Do locksmiths count as key workers?"

"Do midgets have to stay only 3 feet apart?" (social distancing)

"Do more things that make you forget to check your phone"

Do-Nothing Congress

"Do not adjust your set"

"Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet"

"Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors..."

"Do not drink and drive, because there are people out there who text and drive"

"Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote for Christmas..."

"Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on"

"Do not let people who surround themselves with barbed wire and armed soldiers..."

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do"

"Do not make peace with evil. Destroy it"

"Do not make your mask from masking tape"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to core dump"

"Do not regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many"

"Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog"

"Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job"

"Do no harm, but take no shit"

"Do no harm, take no shit"

"Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?"

"Do people who run marathons know about cars?"

"Do people who run marathons know that they don’t have to?"

"Do people who run marathons know they can just drive?"

"Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, ’Oh shoot, it’s the cops’?"

"Do Santa’s cookies pair well with white wine? Asking for a friend"

"Do sharks complain about Monday? No. They’re up early, biting stuff, chasing shit, being scary.."

"Do someone a favor and it becomes your job"

Do Texas Different (El Paso slogan)

"Do they have restaurants in Japan where American people cook in front of you with lawn chairs?"

"Do today what others won't, so you can do tomorrow what others can't"

"Do trees poop?"/"Where do you think number 2 pencils come from!"

"Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?"

"Do vegans eat beefsteak tomatoes?"

"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

"Do what makes you happy because if you died today, your job would be posted before your obituary"

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"

"Do what you do best and delegate the rest"

"Do what you love and you'll never have a problem with Monday"

"Do y'all blow y'all food when it's too hot or do y'all just hasafashafsas till you can chew it?"

"Do your best and forget the rest"

"Do your homework or you'll end up at McDonald's"

"Do Your Own Due Diligence" (DYODD)

"Do your talking on the field"

"Do you deliver?"/"No, but we do chicken, lamb and fish."

"Do you follow Jesus this close?" (bumper sticker)

"Do you follow Jesus this closely?" (bumper sticker)

"Do you guys remember when I told you about my spine issue? It was about a week back"

"Do you have a bathroom?"/"No, we shit outside in the yard."

"Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?"/"Yes. February 14th."

"Do you have a golden lawyer?" (lawyer joke)

"Do you have Coronavirus? Because I can’t stop looking ah-choo" (pickup line)

"Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I'll eat here anyway."

"Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I'll stay here anyway."

"Do you know the way to Chardonnay?"

"Do you know the way to the Empire State Building, or should I just go fuck myself?"

"Do you know what's on the menu? Me-n-u"

"Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas"

"Do you know where Central Park is?...OK, I'll mug you here"

"Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market"

"Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market"

"Do you know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don't have to go to work!"

"Do you know why birds sing in the mornings? Because they don't have to go to work!"

"Do you know why it’s called hummus?"/"Because it doesn’t know the words."

"Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper? Because people are losing their shit"

"Do you like pinochle otters?" (The Piña Colada Song mondegreen)

"Do you need a current license to drive an electric car?"

"Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?"

"Do you play any sports?" (joke)

"Do you run?"/"Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money."

"Do you serve crabs here?" (joke)

"Do you serve fishcakes?" (restaurant joke)

"Do you serve fish cakes?" (restaurant joke)

"Do you serve lawyers here?" (bar/lawyer joke)

"Do you serve women at this bar?"/"No, you have to supply your own."

"Do you shake the gas pump handle when you’re done, or are you rich?"

"Do you smell carrots?" (snowman joke)

"Do you spit or swallow?" (wine tasting joke)

"Do you suffer from shyness? Ask your doctor or pharmacist about tequila"

"Do you take the train to work?"/"No way! The train takes me!"

"Do you take the train to work?"/"No way! The train takes me!"

"Do you want a Hurts donut?" (joke)

"Do you want a plate of spaghetti?"/"No, I want a normal plate with spaghetti on it."

"Do you want fries with that?"

"Do you want fries with that shake?"

"Do you want to hear a construction joke?"/"I'm working on it."

"Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?"/"No, they eat fingers separately."

Dracula Bites the Big Apple (short film, 1979)

Dracula Bites the Big Apple (short film, 1979)

Dracula Effect


"Draft beer, not people" ("Draft beer, not students")

"Dragged through the garden" (hot dog with everything on it)

"Dragonfruit is the 'super hot girl with no personality' of the fruit world"

"Dragonfruit is the supermodel of the fruit world -- all looks, little taste"

Dragon and Phoenix (Chinese dish of lobster/shrimp and chicken)

"Dragon fruit are just really flamboyant kiwis"

"Dragon fruit is just albino kiwi"

"Dragon fruit is just boneless kiwi"

"Dragon fruit is just flavorless kiwi"

Dragon Turds (bacon-wrapped stuffed habaneros)

"Drain the swamp" (clean up government)

"Drama is life with the dull parts cut out of it"

"Drama -- what literature does at night"

"Draw for show and follow for dough" (billiards adage)

Dreadmill (dread + treadmill)

"Dread the Fed"

"Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them"

"Dreams don't work unless you do"

"Dreams taste like cotton candy"

"Dream big, work hard and make it happen"


"Dressage horses dance really well for having two left feet"

"Dressage takes two lifetimes to master"

Dressed Resembling A Girl ("drag" backronym)

"Dress British, Think Yiddish" ("Dress British, Look Irish, Think Yiddish")

"Dress for the fall, not for the ride" (motorcycle adage)

"'Dress for the job that you want' is bad advice for aspiring police officers"

"'Dress for the job that you want' is bad advice for aspiring police officers"

"Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have" (employment adage)

"Dried fruit is my raisin d'être"

"Drinking at home instead of the bar isn’t working out. I almost asked my wife for her number!"

"Drinking coffee because I want to be wide awake for this nightmare"

"Drinking coffee in the morning helps others live longer"

"Drinking green beer is the closest I'll come to eating a vegetable all year"

"Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic"

"Drinking should be done in the privacy of one's home, where it's necessary"

Drinking Straw Effect (oil drilling term)

"Drinking the Kool-Aid"

"Drinking town with a football problem" (various cities)

"Drinking water in front of my plants so they remember who the breadwinner is"

"Drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling"

Drinksicle (drink + popsicle)

"Drinks well with others"

Drinktator (drink + dictator)

"Drink Canada Dry" (joke)

"Drink cheap wine, you're an alcoholic; drink expensive wine, you're a connoisseur"

"Drink coffee and do good"

"Drink coffee. Do good"

"Drink coffee. Do good things"

"Drink Coffee: Do stupid things faster and with more energy"

"Drink coffee to get the energy to drink more coffee"

"Drink. Drive. Go to Jail." (TxDOT slogan)

Drink Every Afternoon (Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA nickname)

"Drink. Hangover. Hydrate. Repeat"

"Drink is the greatest wrecker of men since women was invented"

"Drink protein shakes today because there's no whey in hell"

"Drink some coffee and pretend you know what you're doing"

"Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding"

"Drink triple, see double, act single"

"Drink your coffee and grab Monday by the beans"

"Drive-in banking was invented so cars could go in and see their real owners"

"Driver carries no cash -- he's married" (bumper sticker)

Drive-By Media (DBM)

"Drive for show and putt for dough" (golf adage)

"Drive Friendly -- The Texas Way"


"Drive slow, see our city; Drive fast, see our judge"

"Driving 5 mph over the speed limit doesn't entitle you to left lane privileges"

"Driving alone in your car with a mask on? Do you put a condom on if you’re alone in bed?"

"Dropping a cup of coffee usually wakes you up more than drinking it"

"Dropping a penny on the ground feels more littering than losing money"

"Dropping Latin phrases into conversations just to sound smart is definitely my modus operandi"

"Drop edge of yonder"

"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect"

Drugstore Cowboy

Drugs and Thugs (Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs nickname)

"Drugs block our biochemistry to reduce symptoms. Fruits and vegetables restore our biochemistry..."

"Drugs block our biochemistry to reduce symptoms. Plants restore our biochemistry to create health"

"Drugs block our biochemistry to reduce symptoms. Vegetables restore our biochemistry..."

"Drugs End All Dreams" ("dead" backronym)

"Drugs: Responsible for teaching Americans the metric system"

"Drug addicts are lack-dose intolerant"


Drums Along the Hudson: A Native American Festival & Shad Fest

Drunchies (drink + munchies)

Drunch (drink/drunk + brunch/lunch)

Drunken Dognuts (Dunkin' Donuts nickname)

Drunken Egg Cream (Kahlua Egg Cream)


"Drunk as a skunk"

"Drunk is when you feel sophisticated, but can't pronounce it"

"Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green"

Dry Bar (alcohol-free bar)

Dry Dock District

Dry Hot Pot or Dried Hot Pot or Dry Pot (Gan Guo or Ganguo)

"Dry January is going well for me so far. I've not had a bath or a shower yet"

"Dry pet food is basically meat cereal" ("Dog food is just meat cereal")

"Dry salad is a problem that needs addressing"

"Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition" (joke)

Dr. Google (Doctor Google)

Dr. Pepper Cake

"Dr. Pepper - Good for Life"

"Dr Pepper is a fizzician"

"Dr Pepper is just barbecue water"

"Dr Pepper is just barbeque water"

"Dr Pepper is just BBQ water"

"Dr. Watson, there are a lot of break ins lately."/"Sure. Lock homes."

DTE (Down To Eat)

Dubai on the Hudson (Hudson Yards)

Dubliner (Dublin Dr Pepper cocktail)

Duckeasy (foie gras "speakeasy")

Duck Sauce (Chinese Duck Sauce)

Duck Soup


"Dude on tv just said, 'Where there's fat, there's flavor.' He was talking about food, but..."

"Due to corona virus, I will not shake hands or hug. You may kneel or bow to me"

"Due to COVID-19, we are asking looters to work from home and steal their own property"

"Due to COVID-19, we are asking protesters to work from home and destroy their own property"

"Due to COVID-19, we are asking rioters to work from home and destroy their own property"

"Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late"

"Due to inflation and food price increases, the 5 second rule has been extended to 10 seconds"

"Due to inflation, Dollar Tree is changing its name to Dollar Tree-Fiddy"

"Due to inflation, Dollar Tree will be changing its name to Tree Dollar"

"Due to panic buying, Walmart has opened a second register"

"Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second checkout lane"

"Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second register"

"Due to the quarantine... I’ll only be telling inside jokes"

"Due to the recent outbreak of Corona virus, kissing ass has been temporarily suspended"

"Due to the shortage of cleaning supplies, dirty deeds will no longer be done dirt cheap"

"Due to travel restrictions, America had to invade itself this year"

"Due to travel restrictions, the United States had to invade itself this year"

"Due to travel restrictions, the USA had to invade itself this year"

"Due to travel restrictions, this year the United States had to organize the coup at home"

Duffin (doughnut + muffin)

Dulce de Leche

Dumbassador (dumbass + ambassador)

Dumbest Organization Ever (Department of Education nickname)

DUMBO (Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass)

Dumbocrat (dumb + Democrat)

Dumboer (inhabitant of Dumbo, Brooklyn)

Dumboite (inhabitant of Dumbo, Brooklyn)

DUMBO Art Under the Bridge Festival

Dumbo Heights (DUMBO + Brooklyn Heights)

"Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert"

Dumb Dora

Dumb Money

Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention ("drama" backronym)

Dummycrat (dummy + Democrat)

Dumbocracy (dumb + democracy)

Dumpacrap or Dumpocrap (Democrat party nickname)

Dumpacrat or Dumpocrat (dump + Democrat)

"Dumplings are just Chinese ravioli"

"Dumplings imply the existence of a large dumple"

Dumpster Diving (Dumpster Pool)

Dump Cake

Dungeon Alley (Dungeon District)

Dunking Doughnuts (and "Sinkers")

Dunkin' Deeznuts (Dunkin' Donuts + deez nuts)

Dunkin' Deez Nuts (Dunkin' Donuts + deez nuts)

"Dunno what this WiFi dude did, but I've seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom"

"During a campaign, the air is full of speeches -- and vice versa"

"During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation"

"During his air test, a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors"

"During the Middle Ages, they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies..."

"Dusted once. It came back. Not falling for that again"

Dusty Miller (chocolate sundae with malted milk)

Dutch Broadway (Courtlandt Avenue in the Bronx)

Dutch Sandwich

"Duty. Honor, Country"

"Duty is ours; results are God's" ("Duty is ours, consequences are God's")

Dyckman Basketball Tournament

"Dying is easy; comedy is hard" (theatre adage)

Dyker Lights (Dyker Heights at Christmas)

Dyke Slope (Park Slope, Brooklyn)

Dyspepsia in a Snowstorm (mince pie with sprinkled sugar on top)

D-fence ("defense" sign)

D-Town (Dallas nickname)