A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (2/22)
“Toast is just twice-baked bread” (2/22)
“Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled” (2/22)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (2/22)
“I went to an open-air cafe yesterday and it rained. Took me two hours to finish my soup” (2/22)
More new entries...

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Dachshund Sausage

Dadvertising (dad + advertising)

"Dad, a boy at school called me gay!" (joke)

"Dad used to say 'the sky's the limit.' Which is probably why he got fired from NASA"

"Dad, what are clouds made of?"/"Linux servers, mostly."

"Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist"

Daffodil Capital of Texas (Round Rock nickname)

Dagwood Sandwich

D'Ag Fresh Market (D'Agostino)

Daily Fail (Daily Mail nickname)

Daily Kooks (Daily Kos nickname)

New York Daily Snooze (New York Daily News nickname)

Dakota

Dallasite (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallasonian (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallass (Dallas nickname)

Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili)

Dallas Crimes Herald (Dallas Times Herald nickname)

Dallas Morning Snooze (Dallas Morning News nickname)

Dallas Palace

Dallas Phallus/ Ball/ Golf Ball/ Microphone/ Dandelion/ Circle Tower (Reunion Tower nickname)

Dallas Star (cocktail)

Dallas (summary)

Dallitude or Dallatude (Dallas attitude)

Damnocracy (damn + democracy); Damnocrat (damn + Democrat)

"Damn girl, are you a fire alarm? Because you're really loud and annoying"

"Damn girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every day"

"Damn girl, are you a smoke detector?" (joke)

"Damn girl, are you my report card? Because my parents would be disgusted if they saw you"

Damon Runyon (who never used "Big Apple")

"Damp hands make smooth balls" (food adage)

"Dancers count 5-6-7-8 because musicians took 1-2-3-4"

"Dance enables you to find yourself and lose yourself at the same time"

"Dance is a series of three-minute romances" ("three-minute love affair")

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like your vagina is on fire"

"Dance with the one who brung you" (Darrell Royal)

"Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play"

"Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire"

Danger Dog (Tijuana Hot Dog; Tijuana Dog; Mexican Hot Dog; Bacon Dog)

Danish Pastry

Dark Horse

Dark Horse Car

Dark Inventory

Dark Money (political contributions from unrevealed sources)

Dark 'N' Stormy (cocktail)

Dark 'N' Stormy (ice cream float)

Dark Thirty (Zero Dark Thirty; Oh Dark Thirty; 0 Dark 30; 0 Dark 100)

Dark Zone (area without electrical power)

Darth Vader Building (Family Court)

Dash to Trash

Dawn Raid

Day 1 -- Sunday

Day 2 -- Monday

Day 3 -- Tuesday

Day 4 -- Wednesday

Day 5 -- Thursday

Day 6 -- Friday

Day 7 -- Saturday

"Day school tuition is the best form of birth control" (joke)

DBAG or D-Bag (Deutsche Bank AG nickname)

Deadbeat (Dead Beat)

Deadbeat (someone who pays a credit balance in full and on time)

Deadhead

"Deadlines spur action" (business adage)

Deadstream Media (Dead Stream Media)

Dead Cat Bounce

Dead End Kids

Dead Hook (Red Hook)

Dead Line

Dead Man's Curve

Dead Man's Hand

Dead Meat (to be a loser or in serious trouble)

Dead Parrot Economy

Dead President (paper money)

Dead Tree Edition

Dead Tree Media

"Dead voters vote Democrat"

"Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency -- and don't complain about the heat"

Dear Colleague Letter

"Dear Dairy: Today I failed another spelling test"

"Dear Diamond, We all know who is really a girl's best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake"

"Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry -- I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge"

"Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat"

"Dear homework, you're not attractive and I'm not doing you"

Dear Leader

"Dear liver, it's Friday. Sorry, little buddy"

"Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems. Sincerely, Students"

"Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday"

"Dear Pringles, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world, right?"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world? Sincerely, iPod"

"Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter..."

"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office -- I will track you down. You have my Word"

"Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office -- I will track you down. You have my Word"

Deather (death announcement skeptic)

Death's Thoroughfare (Mulberry Street)

Death Avenue; Slaughter on Tenth Avenue

"Death before decaf"

"Death begins in the colon"

Death Belt (death penalty states of the South)

Death by Chocolate

"Death eating a cracker"

"Death on toast"

Death Panel

"Death rides with the drinking driver"

Death Star (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

Death Street (Houston Street)

Death Tax (estate tax)

Debtberg (debt + iceberg)

Debtcropper (debt + sharecropper)

Debtmageddon (debt + Armageddon)

Debtocracy (debt + democracy); Debtocrat (debt + bureaucrat/Democrat)

Debtoholic (debt + -oholic)

Debtpocalypse (debt + apocalypse)

Debt Man Walking

Debt-Serfdom

Debt Star (debt + death star)

Decaf (short of "decaffeinated")

Decafate

"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister"

"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend"

"Decaf is faced backwards"

"Decaf only works if you throw it on people"

Decepticrat (deception + Democrat)

"Deciding whether to buy gold or silver is an either ore situation"

Decoration Day

Deepcession (deep + depression + recession)

Deep-Dish Pizza (Chicago-Style Pizza)

Deep-Fried Cookie Dough (Deep-Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough)

Deep Pockets ("short arms and deep pockets")

Deep State (state within a state)

Deer Capital of Texas (Llano nickname)

Deer Market

Defeatocrat (defeat + Democrat)

"Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat"

"Defense never slumps" (baseball adage)

"Defense travels well"

Defensive Back University or DBU (University of Texas Longhorns football team nickname)

Defensive Voting

Deficit Day

"Defining deviancy down" (Daniel Patrick Moynihan)

"Definition of obscene profits — something you always hear about but never experience yourself"

Deflationista

Degrowther

"Dehydration is not something to cry about"

Deja Brew (déjà vu + brew)

Delaware: Diamond State (nickname)

Delaware: Muskrat (nickname)

Delaware: "What did Delaware?"/"Her New Jersey."

Delay-and-Pray

"Delay, deny, and hope that I die" (refrain about benefits claims)

"Delay is the deadliest form of denial"

Delicatessen Store ("Deli")

Deliciositicity or Deliciousiticity (form of "delicious")

"Deliciously Different" (Big Red soft drink slogan)

Delish (delicious)

Deliver Everyone's Luggage To Atlanta (Delta backronymic nickname)

Dellionaire (Dell computer millionaire)

Delmonico Potatoes

Delmonico Steak

Del Rioan (inhabitant of Del Rio)

DeMarxist (Democrat + Marxist)

Dementocrat (demented + Democrat)

Demobrat (Democrat + brat)

Democalypse (democracy + apocalypse)

Democide (demos/democracy + homicide)

"Democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government"

"Democracy dies in darkness"

"Democracy dies in darkness" (Washington Post slogan)

"Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame"

"Democracy is mob rule (but with income taxes)"

"Democracy is not a spectator sport"

"Democ­racy is the worst form of gov­ern­ment, except for all the oth­ers"

Democracy Plaza (NBC's Rockefeller Center election headquarters)

Democracy Wall (Carroll Street subway station, Carroll Gardens)

"Democracy, whiskey, sexy"

Democrap (Democrat + crap)

Democratic Donkey

"Democrats fall in love; Republicans fall in line"

"Democrats initiate, Republicans consolidate"

Democrat Party or Democratic Party (usage)

Democrazy (democracy + crazy)

Democrook (Democrat + crook)

"Demography is destiny"

Demokraut (Democrat + Kraut)

Demolicious (demolition of Texas Stadium)

Demoncrap (Democrat party nickname)

Demoncrat (Democrat party nickname)

Demonrat (Democrat party nickname)

Demon Pass (Deem and Pass)

Demopublican (Democrat + Republican)

Demorrhoids (Democrat + hemorrhoids)

Demosclerosis (democracy + sclerosis)

Demosthenes of Texas (Richard Bennett Hubbard, Jr.)

Demotard (Democrat + retard)

Dempression (Democrat + depression)

Demwit (Democrat + dimwit)

Dem Bums

"Denise" and "Denephew" (New York dialect joke)

Denisonian (inhabitant of Denison)

"Dentists are janitors for mouths"

Dentonite (inhabitant of Denton)

Department of Exaggeration (Department of Education nickname)

Department of Fatherland Security (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Insecurity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Sabotage (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Stupidity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeland Surveillance (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Homeless Insecurity (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Hopeless Security (Department of Homeland Security or DHS nickname)

Department of Paperwork

Department of Redundancy Department

Department of Social Justice (Department of Justice nickname)

Dependistan

Depression Apple Sellers (1930s)

Depression Cake

"Depression is the toothpaste to the sweet orange juice that is life"

Depression Sandwich (hot dog)

"Depresso: When you've run out of coffee"

Derby Daiquiri (and Derby Daiquiri Pie)

Derivatives Dealers' Club

"Descartes walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Designers' Row

Deskfast (desk + breakfast)

Desk Appearance Ticket

Desnuda (nude)

"Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular"

Dessertery (dessert + bakery/eatery)

"Desserts" is "stressed" spelled backward

Destination Bartender

Destination Restaurant

Destructocrat (destruction + Democrat)

Destructoporn

Detailee

Detroitification

Detroitocrat (Detroit + Democrat)

"Developers, developers, developers"

Develop Don't Destroy

Devil's Backbone

Devil's Food Cake

Devil's Metal (silver nickname)

Devil's Playhouse (Webster Hall)

Dewey, Cheatham & Howe (fictitious law/accounting/consulting firm)

Dewey, Huey and Louie (DHL Express backronymic nickname)

Dextrosphere (right blogosphere)

De-Portland (Portland nickname)

DFL (Dead Fucking Last)

Dhimmicrat (dhimmi + Democrat)

Dhimmirat or Dhimirat (dhimmi + rat/Democrat)

DIABLO (Democrat In All But Label Only)

Diamond District (Diamond & Jewelry Way)

Diamond Horseshoe (Metropolitan Opera House ring of seats; Billy Rose nightclub)

Diana (of Madison Square Garden)

Diaper District

"Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans"

Dictocrat (dictator + bureaucrat)

"Didn't do her any good, didn't do her any harm"

"Didn't support the troops -- saw a bumper sticker, now do"

"Did anyone laugh when you fell while skating?" (joke)

Did I Eat That ("diet" backronym)

"Did I invite you to my barbecue? No! Then why are you all up in my grill?"

"Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal"

"Did Rudolph go to a regular school?"/"No, he was elf taught."

"Did you bring bread for the pigeons (in the park)?"/"No, I eat them without the bread."

"Did you ever notice that there are no recipes for leftover chocolate?"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe coffee is addicted to ME?"

"Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage"

"Did you hear about the angry gymnast? He just flipped"

"Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped"

"Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!"

"Did you hear about the barista who became really buff? She's been working on her French press"

"Did you hear about the barista who became really buff? She's been working on her French press"

"Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the Olympics? It fell at the final curdle"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil"

"Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one!"

"Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?" (joke)

"Did you hear about the farmer who made gloves out of herbs? He had way too much thyme on his hands"

"Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now"

"Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural"

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn distance relationship"

"Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way"

"Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He's awake now"

"Did you hear about the man who wanted to sound Irish? He decided to go for brogue!"

"Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made a mint"

"Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River? He committed sewercide"

"Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?" (joke)

"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives"

"Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire? It's for foul balls"

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!"

"Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally"

"Did you hear my last recital?"/"I hope so."

"Did you hear that joke about the butter?" (joke)

"Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?"/"It was legend dairy."

"Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece"

"Did you know the Missouri Pacific Railroad is mentioned in the Bible?" (railroad joke)

"Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener"

"Dieters live life in the fasting lane"

"Dieting is easy. It's like riding a bike. And the bike is on fire..."

"Dieting is not a piece of cake"

"Dieting is the penalty for living beyond your seams"

"Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter"

"Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad"

"Dieting is wishful shrinking"

"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it"

"Diet: a brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds"

"Diet books are popular because they appeal to a wide audience"

"Diet is a four-letter word"

"Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories"

Diet Texas (Oklahoma nickname)

"Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first"

"Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any"

"Difference between dead armadillo and dead lawyer in road? The armadillo has skid marks in front!"

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations"

"Digging tunnels is a boring job"

"Dignity is one thing that can't be preserved in alcohol"

"Dig a five-dollar hole for a fifty-cent plant" (gardening adage)

Dijon Vu (dijon mustard + deja vu)

Dimocrat (dim + Democrat)

Dim Sum

"Diner: How long will my spaghetti be? Waiter: I don't know. We never measure it."

"Diner: Is soup on the menu? Waiter: No, I wiped it off."

"Diner: I've tasted fresher fish. Waiter: Not in here!" (Jewish joke)

"Diner: This coffee tastes like mud. Waiter: Well, it was ground this morning!"

"Diner: Waiter, will my pizza be long? Waiter: No, sir, it will be round."

Dine and Dash

Dining in the Dark (Dark Dining)

"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off"

Dinosaur Capital of Texas (Glen Rose nickname)

Dinosaur Media

Dinosaur Wine (oil)

DINO (Democrat In Name Only)

Din-din (dinner)

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock"

"Diplomacy without force is like an orchestra without instruments"

"Diploma: Remembrance of things passed"

"Directing is 90 percent casting" (theatre adage)

Dirty Bronx

Dirty Image (and illegal postering)

Dirty Rice (Cajun Rice)

Dirty SA (San Antonio nickname)

Dirty South

Dirty Sprite

Dirty Third (Dirty 3rd)

Dirty Thirty (30th Police Precinct nickname)

Dirty Water Dog

Dirty Yards (short runs in football)

"Dirt and bling. It's a softball thing"

Dirt Bond

Dirt-poor

Dirt Tank

"Disability is not inability" ("Disability does not mean inability")

"Disabled cookies? In my day, we called them broken biscuits"

"Disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid"

Disappointee

Disassociated Press (Associated Press nickname)

"Disasters don't discriminate"

Disaster Divide

DisAster Place or DisAstor Place (Astor Place)

DisAster Place or DisAstor Place (Astor Place Opera House)

"Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don't want to do it"

Disco Diva

Disco Fries (American version of "Poutine")

"Discretionary goods -- things people don't need, paid for with money people don't have"

Dish Pig (a person who washes dishes)

Disinfowars (disinfo + Infowars)

Disloyalty Card

Disneyland for Wall Street (Manhattan)

Disneyland of Dairy Stores (Stew Leonard's nickname)

"Disney World is like a huge people trap that is operated by a mouse"

Disrespectchup (disrespect + ketchup)

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism"

District of Confusion (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Corruption (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Criminals (Washington, D.C. nickname)

District of Cunts (Washington, D.C. nickname)

"Distrust every enterprise that requires new clothes"

Ditcher, Quick & Hyde (fictitious divorce law firm)

Dittohead (Ditto Head)

Dive Bar (Dive)

Divorce Cake

"Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet"

Diworsification (diversification + worse)

"Dixie" or "Dixie's Land" (1859)

DLTDHYOTWO (Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out)

"DNT TXT N DRV" (bumper sticker)

Dobe (also Dobie, Doby) Biscuit

DoBro (Downtown Brooklyn)

Dock-walloper

"Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less"

Doctors' Row (or, Irish Fifth Avenue)

"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a hotel."/"Can I examine you?"/"Be my guest."

"Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty" (joke)

Doctor Doom or Dr. Doom (economic pessimist)

Doctor of Democracy

"Doctor says alcoholism is a disease. Bartender says get your shots here"

Documented Instance of Public Eating (DIPE)

Documents Hopelessly Lost or Drivers Hopelessly Lost (DHL Express backronymic nickname)

"Doc, I'm addicted to Twitter!"/"Sorry, I don't follow you."

Doc Shock

Dodger Way (Dodgers' Way)

Doesn't Even Leave The Airport or Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport (Delta backronymic nickname)

"Does anyone else get road rage from pushing a cart through the aisles at Walmart?"

"Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?"

"Does balancing my checkbook count as exercise?"

"Does comedy on television cause comedy in the streets?"

"Does Macy's tell Gimbel's?"

"Does running late count as exercise?"

"Does running out of money count as exercise?"

"Does running out of money count as exercise?"

"Does the flap of a butterfly's wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?"

"Does this hotel offer a turndown service?"/"Not to you."

"'Does this uniform make me look fat?' -- the insecurity guard"

"Does wine count as a serving of fruit?"

"Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?"

"Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?"

Dogcatcher Elections ("Couldn't get elected dog catcher")

Doggie Bag

"Dogs run and they live 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live 150 years. Lesson learned"

Doguero (hot dog vendor)

Dog Walker

"Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark..."

"Doing God's work" (investment banking joke)

"Doing sit-ups at home is a form of domestic ab use"

"Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness"

"Doing your taxes on April Fools' Day seems like a legitimate way to defraud the government"

Dollarocracy

Dollars, Taxes (Dallas, Texas)

"Dollars to doughnuts"

Dollar Diplomacy

Dollar Menu (Value Menu)

Dollar Van

Dolphins (College of Staten Island teams)

Dominican Day Parade

Domino (to give birth)

"Done is better than perfect"

"Done like a dinner"

Donkeycrat (donkey + Democrat)

Donkey Sauce

Donkey Tails (hot dogs with cheddar cheese in a tortilla, then fried)

Donnoli or Danolli (donut + cannoli)

Donor Maintenance

"Don't agonize, organize"

"Don't ask why health food is so expensive. Ask why junk food is so cheap"

"Don't back no losers" ("Don't make no waves, don't back no losers")

"Don't believe everything you read in the papers"

"Don't believe what you see in September" (baseball adage)

"Don't be a dick for a tick"

"Don't be a speaker, be an expert who speaks"

"Don't be dumb and mix wine and rum"

"Don't be evil" (Google motto)

"Don't be gentle, it's a rental"

"Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted"

"Don't be upset by the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do"

"Don’t be yourself. Be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza"

Don't block the box!

"Don't bore us, get to the chorus" (music adage)

"Don't call him a cowboy till you've seen him ride"

"Don't call us, we'll call you" (entertainment saying)

"Don't change horses in the middle of the stream" ("Don't swap horses in midstream")

"Don't chase anything but drinks and dreams"

"Don't cheat yourself. Treat yourself"

"Don’t compare me to the Almighty, compare me to the alternative"

"Don't confuse brains with a bull market" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

"Don't cry about money -- it never cries for you"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

"Don't cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey"

"Don't do anything yourself that someone else can do for you"

"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time"

"Don't drink and drive -- you might hit a bump and spill your drink"

"Don't drink to drown your sorrows -- sorrows know how to swim"

"Don't drink with ghosts. They can't handle their boos"

"Don't eat the yellow snow"

"Don't Even THINK of Parking Here," "No Parking, No Standing, No Stopping, No Kidding"

"Don't ever underestimate the heart of a champion." (Houston Rockets coach Rudy Tomjanovich)

Don't Expect Anything (Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA nickname)

Don't Expect Protection (Department of Environmental Protection or DEP nickname)

"Don't expect what you don't inspect" (management adage)

"Don't fail to miss tomorrow's game"

"Don't fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows"

"Don't fart in an Apple store. They don't have Windows"

"Don't fight the Bank of Canada"

"Don't fight the Fed"

"Don't fight the tape" (Wall Street proverb)

"Don't follow me. I'm lost, too!" (bumper sticker)

"Don't forget to pick up wine for Mother's Day. After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks"

"Don't get mad -- get even"

"Don't get mad -- get everything!"

"Don't get married to a stock" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't get your tinsel in a tangle"

"Don't go through life without goals" (hockey saying)

"Don't go wobbly" ("This is no time to go wobbly")

"Don't guess -- soil test" (farming adage)

"Don't guess -- soil test" (lawn and garden adage)

"Don't insult the alligator until after you cross the river"

"Don't just chase your dreams. Run them down"

"Don't just do something, stand there"

"Don't kiss anyone on New Year's Day because it's only the first date"

"Don't knock it till you've tried it"

"Don't let a team beat you twice"

"Don't let the bastards grind you down" (Illegitimi non carborundum)

"Don't let the tax tail wag the investment dog" (Wall Street adage)

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today"

"Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass"

"Don't let your mouth write checks your body can't cash"

"Don't make fun of fat people. They have enough on their plates"

"Don't mess with success"

"Don't Mess With Texas"

"Don't Mess With Texas -- We're Armed"

"Don't mistake activity for achievement"

"Don't mourn -- organize" (labor slogan)

"Don’t panic, it’s organic"

"Don't pay any attention to the critics—don't even ignore them"

"Don't pay for saves" (fantasy baseball adage)

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining"

"Don’t pick a job with great vacation time. Pick one that doesn’t need escaping from"

"Don't practice until you get it right; practice until you can't get it wrong"

"Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church"

"Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, don’t decide when sad"

"Don't prune in May or June" (gardening adage)

"Don't put sugar on shit and tell me it's a brownie"

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"

"Don't quit your day job" (show business adage)

"Don't Rain On My Parade" (1964, 1968)

"Don't raise your voice, improve your argument"

"Don't reach for the stars. They are extremely hot and will incinerate you"

"Don't retreat -- reload"

"Don't scare the horses or the children"

"Don't sell America short"

"Don't sell drills -- sell holes"

"Don't sell the steak -- sell the sizzle"

"Don't send a boy to do a man's job"

"Don't send my boy to Texas" (Oklahoma University song)

"Don't short new highs or buy new lows"

"Don't smoke, drink or chew, or run with boys who do"

"Don't stand outside and be miserable; come inside and get fed up" (restaurant sign)

"Don't steal -- the government hates competition"

"Don't stop and throw stones at every dog that barks" (business adage)

"Don't stop until you're proud"

"Don't stress if someone says you are fat. You are bigger than that"

"Don't sweat the small stuff"

"Don't take any wooden nickels"

"Don't take candy from strangers"

"Don't talk about rope in a hanged man's house"

"Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax the fellow behind that tree"

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"

"Don't tell my mother I'm a banker -- she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"

"Don't tell my mother I'm a politician -- she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"

"Don't tell people your plans. Show them your results"

"Don't touch that dial!"

"Don't update your status when you're drunk"

"Don't update your status when you're drunk"

"Don't vote -- it only encourages them"

"Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat"

"Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect"

"Don't waste a moment of your life trying to be normal"

"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going!"

"Don't wish for it -- work for it"

"Don't worry about biting off more than you can chew -- you have a big mouth"

"Don't worry about the snow storm. Everything's going to be all white"

"Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing"

"Don't worry, beer happy"

"Don't worry if the horse is blind, just load the wagon"

Donuts and Cops

Doomer

Doomtard (doom + retard)

Doorbuster

Dormandie Court or Dormandy Court (Normandie Court)

"'Dormitory' is an anagram for 'dirty room'"

Dormitory Row

Dorm District (Yorkville, Manhattan)

Double Check (Seward Johnson's businessman sculpture in Liberty Park)

Double-Decker

Double Dip

Double Dog Dare (Triple Dog Dare)

Double Dutch

Double Irish

Double Red Cross; Double Red Crossed (double-cross + Red Cross)

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will"

Douche Bank (Deutsche Bank mispronunciation/nickname)

Doughnut Hole (Donut Hole)

Doughnut (zero bonus)

Dough Nut or Doughnut or Donut; Cruller

Dove

DoWiSeTrePla (Down Wind of the Sewage Treatment Plant)

Downtown

Downtowner

"Downtown Dallas" (joke punchline)

Downtown Grand Central (Fulton Street Hub)

"Downtown Train" (1985)

"Down goes Frazier!"

Down Home Cooking

Dow Jones Propaganda Average (Dow Jones Industrial Average nickname)

Do a Brodie

"Do burlesque shows have undress rehearsals?"

"Do cannibals refer to homeless people as free range?"

Do Dat Barbecue (Nacogdoches)

"Do dragons enjoy playing offices and accountants?"

"Do history exams get harder every year?"

"Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

"Do I know any sodium jokes? Na"

"Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?"

"Do I look like a freakin' people person?"

"Do I run? Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money"

"Do leprechauns make good secretaries?"/"Sure, they're great at shorthand!"

Do-Nothing Congress

"Do not adjust your set"

"Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet"

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer"

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup"

"Do not regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many"

"Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog"

"Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?"

"Do someone a favor and it becomes your job"

Do Texas Different (El Paso slogan)

"Do today what others won't, so you can do tomorrow what others can't"

"Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?"

"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"

"Do what you do best and delegate the rest"

"Do what you love and you'll never have a problem with Monday"

"Do Your Own Due Diligence" (DYODD)

"Do your talking on the field"

"Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?"/"Yes. February 14th."

"Do you have a golden lawyer?" (lawyer joke)

"Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I'll eat here anyway."

"Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I'll stay here anyway."

"Do you know the way to Chardonnay?"

"Do you know the way to the Empire State Building, or should I just go fuck myself?"

"Do you know where Central Park is?...OK, I'll mug you here"

"Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market"

"Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market"

"Do you play any sports?" (joke)

"Do you run?"/"Yes. Out of patience, fucks and money."

"Do you serve crabs here?" (joke)

"Do you serve lawyers here?" (bar/lawyer joke)

"Do you serve women at this bar?"/"No, you have to supply your own."

"Do you smell carrots?" (snowman joke)

"Do you take the train to work?"/"No way! The train takes me!"

"Do you take the train to work?"/"No way! The train takes me!"

"Do you want a Hurts donut?" (joke)

"Do you want a plate of spaghetti?"/"No, I want a normal plate with spaghetti on it."

"Do you want fries with that?"

"Do you want fries with that shake?"

"Do you want to hear a construction joke?"/"I'm working on it."

"Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?"/"No, they eat fingers separately."

Dracula Effect

Draftnik

"Draft beer, not people" ("Draft beer, not students")

"Dragged through the garden" (hot dog with everything on it)

Dragon Turds (bacon-wrapped stuffed habaneros)

"Drain the swamp" (clean up government)

"Drama is life with the dull parts cut out of it"

"Drama -- what literature does at night"

"Draw for show and follow for dough" (billiards adage)

Dreadmill (dread + treadmill)

"Dread the Fed"

"Dreams don't work unless you do"

Dreidel

"Dressage takes two lifetimes to master"

Dressed Resembling A Girl ("drag" backronym)

"Dress British, Think Yiddish" ("Dress British, Look Irish, Think Yiddish")

"Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have" (employment adage)

"Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic"

"Drinking should be done in the privacy of one's home, where it's necessary"

Drinking Straw Effect (oil drilling term)

"Drinking the Kool-Aid"

"Drinking town with a football problem" (various cities)

Drinksicle (drink + popsicle)

"Drinks well with others"

"Drink Canada Dry" (joke)

"Drink Coffee: Do stupid things faster and with more energy"

"Drink. Drive. Go to Jail." (TxDOT slogan)

Drink Every Afternoon (Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA nickname)

"Drink is the greatest wrecker of men since women was invented"

"Drink protein shakes today because there's no whey in hell"

"Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding"

"Drink triple, see double, act single"

"Drive-in banking was invented so cars could go in and see their real owners"

"Driver carries no cash -- he's married" (bumper sticker)

Drive-By Media (DBM)

"Drive for show and putt for dough" (golf adage)

"Drive Friendly -- The Texas Way"

Drive-In

"Drive slow, see our city; Drive fast, see our judge"

"Dropping a penny on the ground feels more littering than losing money"

"Drop edge of yonder"

"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect"

Drugstore Cowboy

Drugs and Thugs (Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs nickname)

"Drugs: Responsible for teaching Americans the metric system"

Drummer

Drums Along the Hudson: A Native American Festival & Shad Fest

Drunchies (drink + munchies)

Drunch (drink/drunk + brunch/lunch)

Drunken Dognuts (Dunkin' Donuts nickname)

Drunken Egg Cream (Kahlua Egg Cream)

Drunkorexia

"Drunk as a skunk"

"Drunk is when you feel sophisticated, but can't pronounce it"

"Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green"

Dry Bar (alcohol-free bar)

Dry Dock District

"Dry pet food is basically meat cereal" ("Dog food is just meat cereal")

"Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition" (joke)

Dr. Pepper Cake

"Dr. Pepper - Good for Life"

Dubliner (Dublin Dr Pepper cocktail)

Duckeasy (foie gras "speakeasy")

Duck Sauce (Chinese Duck Sauce)

Duck Soup

Dude

Duffin (doughnut + muffin)

Dulce de Leche

Dumbassador (dumbass + ambassador)

DUMBO (Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass)

Dumbocrat (dumb + Democrat)

Dumboer (inhabitant of Dumbo, Brooklyn)

Dumboite (inhabitant of Dumbo, Brooklyn)

DUMBO Art Under the Bridge Festival

Dumbo Heights (DUMBO + Brooklyn Heights)

"Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert"

Dumb Dora

Dumb Money

Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention ("drama" backronym)

Dummycrat (dummy + Democrat)

Dumbocracy (dumb + democracy)

Dumpacrap or Dumpocrap (Democrat party nickname)

Dumpacrat or Dumpocrat (dump + Democrat)

Dumpster Diving (Dumpster Pool)

Dump Cake

Dungeon Alley (Dungeon District)

Dunking Doughnuts (and "Sinkers")

"Dunno what this WiFi dude did, but I've seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom"

"During a campaign, the air is full of speeches -- and vice versa"

"During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation"

Dusty Miller (chocolate sundae with malted milk)

Dutch Broadway (Courtlandt Avenue in the Bronx)

Dutch Sandwich

"Duty. Honor, Country"

"Duty is ours; results are God's" ("Duty is ours, consequences are God's")

Dyckman Basketball Tournament

"Dying is easy; comedy is hard" (theatre adage)

Dyker Lights (Dyker Heights at Christmas)

Dyke Slope (Park Slope, Brooklyn)

Dyspepsia in a Snowstorm (mince pie with sprinkled sugar on top)

D-fence ("defense" sign)

D-Town (Dallas nickname)