“If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy”

“Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit”

Coffee Party

Repuke (Republican party nickname)

“Ticker tape ain’t spaghetti”

“Throw the rascals out!”

Nomentum (“no” momentum)

“To be disillusioned, one first must be illusioned”

“You don’t put robbers to work in a bank”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it”

“It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible”

Conventional Wisdom

“He couldn’t sell watermelons with the highway patrol blocking traffic”

“That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: It said, ‘Goodbye’”

“No Vacancy” (bumper sticker)

Creepocrat (Creep-o-crat)

“If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?”

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”

FCINO (Fiscal Conservative In Name Only)

“Happiness is a Texan headed south with an Okie under each arm”

PINO (Patriot In Name Only; Progressive In Name Only)

Crack Pie

IINO (Independent In Name Only)

Forkage Fee (Cakeage Fee)

“Too big to jail”

Petro Metro (Houston nickname)

Heavenly Houston (Houston nickname)

City of Refined Oil and Crude People (Houston nickname)

Dead Hook (Red Hook)

City of Fire (Coney Island)

“Downtown Dallas” (joke punchline)

“We ain’t got no north” (directional joke)

“Where else can I park in New York City for two weeks for under $20?” (parking joke)

“Make me one with everything” (Zen master-ordering-a-hot dog joke)

“Do you know the way to the Empire State Building, or should I just go fuck myself?”

Congresscritter (Congress + critter)

“Taxi driver made them pray” (joke)

Femivore

Leprechaun Cookie

Shamrock Cookie

Shamrock Sandwich

Shamrock Shake

Treasoncrat (treason + bureaucrat/Democrat)

South By or Southby (South by Southwest or SXSW)

“What do you think of Flushing, New York?”/“I think it would be a good idea.”

“Denise” and “Denephew” (New York dialect joke)

“A dollar-three-eighty”

“There are old traders and bold traders, but there are no old, bold traders”

“(I’ll give you my gun when you take it) From my cold, dead hands”

Yomentum (“yo” or “yes” momentum)

Spit-take

“Taxpayer: Someone who works for the government but doesn’t have to take a civil service exam”

“Every time history repeats itself, the price goes up”

“Rule No. 1: Never lose money. Rule No. 2: Never forget Rule No. 1.”

“Saddle your hoss before cussin’ the boss”

“If it ain’t burnt, momma didn’t cook it”

“When in charge, ponder; When in trouble, delegate; When in doubt, mumble”

“Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency—and don’t complain about the heat”

“Money in politics is like water flowing downhill” (unstoppable)

Wingtard (wingnut + retard)

“Money in politics is like squeezing a balloon” (air/water is displaced)

Vanity Address

Big Chilli (summary)

“Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks and United States senators”

“The stock market has spoiled more appetites than bad cooking”

“Return of principal is more important than return on principal”

Carne Guisada

“If you hear that everybody is buying a certain stock, ask who is selling”

“To speculate in Wall Street when you are no longer an insider, is like buying cows by candlelight”

“Now is always the most difficult time to invest”

“I made a killing in the stock market today—I shot my broker”

“There is nothing wrong with the charts, only the chartists”

“Overnight is a long time in politics; a week is forever”

“Nothing is older than yesterday’s newspaper”

Dimocrat (dim + Democrat)

“In the stock market, there’s a fine line between being wrong and being early”

Teatard (tea party participant + retard)

“Nobody shoots at Santa Claus”

“Under capitalism, man exploits man; under communism, it is the other way around’’

“What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?” (joke)

Demon Pass (Deem and Pass)

“Up a staircase, down an elevator” (Wall Street adage)

Kitchenista

Horndog High (James Madison High School nickname)