“In Iowa, they pick corn; in New Hampshire, they pick presidents”

“You’re either in Luck or you’re out of Luck” (Luck city slogan)

District of Criminals (Washington, D.C. nickname)

“No second prize in politics”

“Prosperity absorbs all criticism”

“Few die and none resign”

“Politicians see the light when they feel the heat”

“Bad politicians are elected by good citizens who don’t vote”

Hardball

Political Suicide

Teh Blahz (The Blaze website nickname)

Land of Two Summers (Alamo city nickname)

“Elephants don’t gallop” (investment adage)

“Bears make headlines, bulls make money”

“When you’re about to get run out of town on a rail, get out in front and call it a parade”

“If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes”

“I’m not a member of any organized political party—I’m a Democrat”

“Saskatchewan is much like Texas — except it’s more friendly to the United States”

“The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country…”

“An actuary is a someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn’t have the personality for it”

“A correction is when you lose money and a bear market is when I lose money”

“Assume you have a can opener” (economics joke about opening a food can)

“World Ends: Women and Minorities Hardest Hit” (NY Times headline joke)

“I’m proud to pay taxes; I could be just as proud for half the money”

“A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing okay”

“People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women”

“IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got”

“You can change a cucumber into a pickle, but you can’t turn a pickle back into a cucumber”

“The bears have Thanksgiving, but the bulls have Christmas” (or, “The bulls have Thanksgiving…”)

“In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield”

“When you raid a whorehouse, take the piano player, too, because no one is entirely innocent”

Cover Jinx

“You can’t beat somebody with nobody”

CanDo (Canal Downtown)

“If nominated I will not accept, and if elected I will not serve”

Prison Spread

Pizzadilla (pizza + quesadilla)

Sawdust Pie

“Long live cowboys”

“A politician who’s poor is a poor politician”

Second Chance U. (TSU nickname)

Military-Industrial Complex

“Porn in a cup” (10-shot espresso drink)

“They eat anything with legs except a table and anything with wings except an airplane”

“You can’t fire a cannon from a canoe”

Derivatives Dealers’ Club

“Where there’s smoke, there’s toast”

Free State of Galveston (Galveston nickname)

Playground of the Southwest (Galveston nickname)

Treasure Island of America (Galveston nickname)

“Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off”

Calzone

“When the water reaches the upper decks, follow the rats”

“A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds an office that some Republican wants”

“When in doubt, do right” (“When in doubt, do the right thing”)

“Never trust a fat dietitian”

“There are only two kinds of music—good music and bad music”

Wazzitoyuh (“What’s it to you?”)

“Bull markets are born on pessimism, grow on skepticism, mature on optimism, and die on euphoria”

Bottomless Cup

“When they raid the whorehouse, they take all the girls” (Wall Street adage)

“A closed mouth gathers no feet”

“Locks are for honest people” (proverb)

“Never invest in anything that eats or needs repainting”

Barefoot Pilgrim

“Never sell on strike news” (Wall Street adage)

Foodgasm (food + orgasm)

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines”

“Many people spend money they haven’t earned…to impress people they don’t like”

“Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn’t have to do it himself”

“What Would Julia Do?” (WWJD)

Jacobs Beach (West 49th Street and Eighth Avenue)

“People vote their resentment, not their appreciation”

“The easiest way to make money is to stop losing it”

“Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class”

“The word ‘politics’ is derived from ‘poly’ meaning ‘many’ and ‘ticks’ meaning ‘parasites’”

“A meeting is no substitute for progress”

“A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours”

“A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell so that you look forward to the trip”

“We’d all like to vote for the best man, but he’s never a candidate”

“Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature”

“When a fellow says, ‘It ain’t the money but the principle of the thing,’ it’s the money”

“It’s no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be”

Nothing Burger (Nothingburger)

Pizza Bone

Ten Bagger (Tenbagger)

“You can’t see the future through a rear view mirror”

“The vice presidency is a spare tire on the automobile of government”

J. P. Morgue (JPMorgan Chase nickname)

CNBS (CNBC nickname)

Dementocrat (demented + Democrat)

Zero (financial industry worker who doesn’t receive an annual bonus)

“Spread my work ethic, not my wealth”

Doughnut (zero bonus)

“Rome declined because it had a Senate; what’s going to happen to us with a Senate and a House?”

“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation”

“Fascism is capitalism plus murder”

“Generals always fight the last war” (“Economists fight the last depression”)

“VIX is high, time to buy; VIX is low, time to go”

“We have to dance until the music stops”