“It never rains on a golf course”

“The worst lead in hockey is a two-goal lead”

Racer (race + -er)

Cocoanista (cocoa + fashionista)

Freshman Five or Freshman Ten or Freshman Fifteen (college weight gain)

Briet (bridal diet)

Red Diamond (goji berry nickname)

Inside Baseball

“Lick the plate clean” (eat all of a dish)

Scarf (to eat)

Deather (death announcement skeptic)

Extremely Pathetic Agency (Environmental Protection Agency or EPA nickname)

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do”

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of an enemy”

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts”

No Such Agency (National Security Agency or NSA nickname)

Never Say Anything (National Security Agency or NSA nickname)

Federal Censorship Commission (Federal Communications Commission or FCC nickname)

Federal Communist Commission (Federal Communications Commission or FCC nickname)

Forget The Consumer (Federal Trade Commission or FTC nickname)

“Talent is God-given, be humble; conceit is self-given, be careful”

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who can’t repay you”

“Capital goes where it’s welcome and stays where it’s well treated”

Fuck The Consumer (Federal Trade Commission or FTC nickname)

Bureau of Lies and Statistics (Bureau of Labor Statistics or BLS nickname)

Colonel Sanchez (KFC/Colonel Sanders + Taco Bell)

“Some men are wise and some are otherwise”

Ken-Taco-Hut

ABCNNBCBS (ABC + CNN + NBC + CBS)

Good Willie’s or Uncle Willie’s (Goodwill Industries nickname)

Bed, Bath & Beyond My Budget (Bed, Bath & Beyond nickname)

Crumbtard (crumb + retard)

Awesome Sauce

“A mile wide and an inch deep”

Eat and Greet

“People fear what they don’t understand and hate what they can’t conquer”

Fiatsco (fiat money + fiasco)

“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen”

Sheriff of Wall Street

Seminar Caller

“When everybody gets to one side of the boat, it usually tips over”

Imposing Misery and Famine (International Monetary Fund or IMF nickname)

It’s Mostly Fiscal or It’s Mainly Fiscal (International Monetary Fund or IMF nickname)

Mediscare (Medicare + scare)

International Mother Fuckers (International Monetary Fund or IMF nickname)

International Misery Fund (International Monetary Fund or IMF nickname)

“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished”

“Ask an atheist who’s just had a great meal if he believes there’s a cook”

“Every time the government shifts left, the decimal point in the national debt moves to the right”

“Most people would be glad to tend their own business if the government would give it back”

“Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money even to get beat with”

“Money may not buy friends, but it will help you stay in contact with your children”

“As long as there are final exams, there will be prayer in schools”

“Some people want to check government spending and some people want to spend government checks”

“The trouble with staying home from work is that you have to drink coffee on your own time”

“If it tastes good, spit it out” (diet advice)

“Texas even claims George Washington was a Texan” (joke)

TRAP Law or TRAP Bill (Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers)

“Prosperity is something created by businessmen for politicians to take credit for”

Blamestream Media

The Last Word (cocktail)

“The lottery is a wonderful thing; it lays the taxation only on the willing”

“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer”

“Income tax has been defined as the fine we pay for reckless thriving”

New Harlem East

DoWiSeTrePla (Down Wind of the Sewage Treatment Plant)

“The upper crust is a bunch of crumbs held together by a lot of dough”

“You must have long-range goals to keep from being frustrated by short-range failures”

“I wouldn’t vote for you if you were St. Peter!”/“If I were, you wouldn’t be in my district!”

Splash Crash

Our Savior Has Arrived (Occupational Safety & Health Administration or OSHA nickname)

Oh Shoot, Here Again (Occupational Safety & Health Administration or OSHA nickname)

Always Think Forfeiture (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives or ATF nickname)

Federal Dumb Asses (Food and Drug Administration or FDA nickname)

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds” (opera adage)

“Even when you make out a tax return on the level you don’t know if you are a crook or a martyr”

Dubliner (Dublin Dr Pepper cocktail)

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”

Unring the Bell (impossibility of taking back a statement or action)

Cheat Every One (Chief Executive Officer or CEO nickname)

People’s Palace (NYPL Stephen A. Schwarzman Building)

“Risk comes from not knowing what you are doing”

“Talking its book”

More Trouble Ahead (Metropolitan Transportation Authority or MTA nickname)

Profit of Doom

Bedford Hill (Bed-Stuy + Clinton Hill)

Money Thrown Away (Metropolitan Transportation Authority or MTA nickname)

Food Wall (eating endurance limit)

Make-Believe Media (MBM)

Mockamole (mock guacamole)