“If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?”

“The best cure for a recession is a recession”

“A theater without beer is just a museum”

“Beer—the reason I wake up every afternoon”

“As a rule, I don’t drink—as a habit, I do”

“You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out”

“Beer contains Vitamin Pee”

“Hey, bartender!”

“Alcohol is not the answer; it just makes you forget the question”

“I swear to drunk I’m not God” (joke)

“Whiskey is risky but it makes the girls frisky”

“You can’t win them all”

Nazi York City (Nazi + New York City)

“Never cook with wine you wouldn’t drink”

Bang Point

“It’s hard to beat a team three times in one season” (sports adage)

Great Mistake of 1898 (Brooklyn view of New York City unification)

“Big-time players make big-time plays in big games”

Not For Long (National Football League or NFL nickname)

No Fun League (National Football League or NFL nickname)

No Fan Loyalty (National Football League or NFL nickname)

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance”

“If you plant corn, you get corn” (proverb)

“There’s too much blood in my caffeine system”

“‘Latte’ is French for ‘you paid too much for that coffee’”

Food Security (Food Insecurity)

“Under the table” (secretly or covertly, often said of a payment)

“Off the table” (something non-negotiable)

“Bring to the table” (to contribute something)

“On the table” (something negotiable or for discussion)

“If at first you don’t succeed, try management”

“To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential”

Restaurateuse (female restaurateur)

“No one ever says ‘It’s only a game’ when their team is winning”

“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”

“Tie one on” (to get drunk)

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee”

“He who feels that he is too small to make a difference has never been bitten by a mosquito”

Referette (female referee)

“Sharp as a mashed potato sandwich” (dumb)

Pilgrim (sandwich of Thanksgiving leftovers)

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading”

Nickel-and-Dime

“Capital Punishment: The income tax”

“Fools rush in and get the best seats”

“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff”

“There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know”

“To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart”

“A hangover is the wrath of grapes”

Gang of 500

Dumbassador (dumbass + ambassador)

“In court, your fate is in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to escape jury duty”

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it”

Punditocracy

False Flag

“If at first you don’t succeed, try left field” (baseball joke)

“To err is human; to forgive is against company policy”

Beeramid (beer can/bottle + pyramid)

“If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?”

“If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?”

“Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’ when we are already there?”

“Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed”

“Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?”

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether”

“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself”

“The best way to learn is to teach”

“Don’t mourn—organize” (labor slogan)

QEternity (quantitative easing or QE + eternity)

People’s Beach (Jacob Riis Park)

Fedury (Federal Reserve + U.S. Department of the Treasury)

“Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it”

“Make like a banana and split”

“In politics, good gets better and bad gets worse”

“BOSS spelled backwards is double-SOB”

Body Man

“The man who rolls up his sleeves seldom loses his shirt”

“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?”

El Presidente (banana republic dictator)

“Stuff one’s face” (to eat greedily)

TLA (three letter agency)

“When the solution is simple, God is answering”

TBTF Consortium (Financial Services Roundtable nickname)

Edjamacation (jocular spelling of “education”)

Educamation (jocular spelling of “education”)

Educashun (eye dialect spelling of “education”)

Line Waiter (Queuer)

Gaaafe or Gaaaffe (“What about your gaffes?”)

“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost”

“A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works”

“If you can’t say something nice, become a reporter”

“Winning isn’t everything, but losing isn’t anything”

“If you can’t dance, don’t blame the dance floor”

“You can’t get to the top by sitting on your bottom”

“You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard”

“School is a building that has four walls—with tomorrow inside”

“One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket”

“He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next exit”

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings”

“A harp is a piano after taxes”