“A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors”

“A fairy tale is a horror story to prepare children for the newspapers”

“A diplomat’s life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and alcohol”

“Crime does not pay…as well as politics”

“Hamilton started the Treasury with nothing; that’s the closest our country has been to being even”

“Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and too fast”

“Bureaucracy is a method for transforming energy into solid waste”

“Any country with ‘democratic’ in the title isn’t”

“‘Nouvelle cuisine’ is French for ‘not enough food’”

Doorbuster

Sellabration (sell + celebration)

Saleabration (sale + celebration)

Red Tag Sale

Sellathon (sell + marathon)

Saleathon (sale + marathon)

“Nothing recedes like success”

“Nothing succeeds like success”

“There is hardly anything that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper”

“Exceptions prove the rule—and wreck the budget”

“If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map”

Fumbling, Bumbling Idiots (Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI nickname)

“The cream rises until it sours”

“He who is content with his lot probably has a lot”

“Why is it called ‘rush hour’ when your car barely moves?”

“Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do work”

“I’d rather be led to hell than managed to heaven”

“How many people work here?” / “Oh, about half.” (joke)

“A motion to adjourn is always in order”

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done”

“You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk”

“Give a man a fish and he eats for a day; give a man a welfare check and he’ll vote for a Democrat”

“BROOK-LYN!” (Brooklyn chant)

“The trouble with doing something right the first time is nobody appreciates how difficult it was”

“About the time we think we can make both ends meet, somebody moves the ends”

“The seven ages of man are spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills”

“Adults are just kids who owe money”

“If all is not lost, where is it?”

“Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat”

“I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left”

“Horn broke—watch for finger” (bumper sticker)

Replyallcalypse (Reply All + Apocalypse)

“Adults are just kids with money”

“Getting good players is easy; getting them to play together is the hard part”

“You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart”

“Life is a dance, from one stage to the next”

“This is a family show” (no obscenities are allowed)

“This is a family newspaper” (no obscenities are allowed)

Holy Grail of Liberalism (tax increases)

“Question Austerity”

“Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing”