“Guns don’t kill people—people kill people”

“All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife”

Splash Play

“I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; I’m a drunk, we go to parties”

“Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire”

“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid”

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake”

“Chocolate makes your clothes shrink”

“You’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat”

“Politicians prefer unarmed peasants”

“If you’re drinking to forget, please pay in advance”

“Out like a fat kid in dodgeball”

“The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk”

“My other car is a Porsche” (bumper sticker)

“Drama—what literature does at night”

Stepford Media

“Every great oak was once a little nut that held its ground”

“If God dwells inside us, I hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”

“I have a weight problem—I can’t wait to eat”

“Backpacking:  An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need”

Gordie Howe Hat Trick (one goal, one assist and one fight)

“Even if you are one in a million, there are eight more of you in New York”

“There’s too much month left at the end of the money”

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind”

“The drunker I sit here the longer I get” (“Starkle, starkle little twink”)

Honku (honk + hailku)

“What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it’s all about?”

“Save a cow—eat a vegetarian”

Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks (NASCAR nickname)

Now You’re Unemployed (New York University or NYU nickname)

Royal Bank of Swindlers (Royal Bank of Scotland or RBS nickname)

“Politicians like to cut ribbons, but they don’t like to sweep brooms”

Good Enough Diploma (“GED” backronym)

Never Again Volunteer Yourself (“navy” backronym)

Brewski (beer)

Beertail (beer + cocktail)

Sorority

Spucky, Spuckie or Spukie (sandwich)

Beertini (beer + martini)

Low Information Voter (LIV)

“Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them”

Mr. and Mrs. America

Joe Sixpack (Jane Sixpack)

“Credit anticipates and equity confirms”

“The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that the pessimist is better informed”

“Skydiving—Good to the last drop”

Calorically Challenged or Calorically Gifted (fat)

Number Cruncher

Nicotini (nicotine + martini)

Smokeasy or Smoke-easy (smoke + speakeasy)

Sally Soccer-mom

“Broke as a joke”

Presser

“Ask for money and you get advice; ask for advice and you get money”

“People don’t give to causes; people give to people with causes”

“A” Game

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra”

“As safe as the Bank of England”

“Draw for show and follow for dough” (billiards adage)

Meal Ticket

Sipster (sip + -ster, hipster)

Crushtomer (crush + customer)

Quesarito (quesadilla + burrito)

A la Minute

Pearl Diver (a person who washes dishes)

Harlem Shake (2013 videos)

Harlem Shake (2001 dance)

Harlem Shuffle

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”

Beerita (beer + margarita)

Big Apple Shake (Johnny Rockets, 2005)

“You cannot wake up someone who is only pretending to be asleep” (political proverb)

“Fake it till you make it”

Great Rebalancing

Brexit (Great Britain/British + exit)

“Evil does not exist within a gun”

Sam, Mike, Will (strongside, middle and weakside linebacker nicknames)

Gasoline Machine (Phillips 66 refinery in New York harbor)

Jesus Chicken (Chick-fil-A nickname)

“Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a government agency”

“There’s more than one way to peel an orange”

“If you make 10,000 regulations you destroy all respect for the law”

“Google before you tweet is the new think before you speak”

“It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be”

“Friendship is the wine of life”

Found On Road Dead (Ford backronymic nickname)

Fix Or Repair Daily (Ford backronymic nickname)

Fix It Again, Tony (Fiat backronymic nickname)

“Nobody cares how bad your English is if your Scotch is good”

Always Late In Takeoff, Always Late In Arrival (Alitalia backronymic nickname)

Wall Street Urinal (Wall Street Journal nickname)

Climastrology (climate + astrology); Climastrologer (climate + astrologer)

Underwear Olympics (NFL scouting combine for draft prospects)

“Delay, deny, and hope that I die” (refrain about benefits claims)

Workout Warrior

Underwater Basket Weaving (easy, nonsense college course)

Power Elite

Margin Stanley (Morgan Stanley nickname)

“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you”

“It’s better to sweat in the gym than to bleed in the streets”