“Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart”

“I am pushing sixty—that is enough exercise for me”

“When I exercise, I wear all black—it’s like a funeral for my fat”

“Inequality is as dear to the American heart as liberty itself”

“True terror is waking one morning and discovering your high school class running the country”

“Fascism is capitalism in decay”

“A criminal is a person with predatory instincts without sufficient capital to form a corporation”

“If you can’t afford a Dodge, dodge a Ford”

“Time to spare? Go by air.” (aviation saying)

JAG (Just A Guy)

Above-way (proposed monorail to complement subway)

“You wouldn’t worry about what people may think of you if you could know how seldom they do”

“Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination”

“Nothing brightens the rat race like a horse race” (OTB slogan)

“NSA—The only part of the government that actually listens”

“Don’t be a speaker, be an expert who speaks”

“There is no substitute for hard work”

“Nobody can think straight who does not work. Idleness warps the mind.”

“A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business”

“The brain starts working when you get up, and doesn’t stop until you get into the office”

“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped”

“Bacon is the candy of meat”

“Money is like an arm or a leg—use it or lose it”

Kafkatrapping

Revocouption (revolution + coup)

Armchair Isolationism (Armchair Isolationist)

Armchair Quarterback (Armchair Quarterbacking)

“NASCAR, if it’s not a sport for idiots, should stop reminding the drivers to start their engines”

“Didn’t support the troops—saw a bumper sticker, now do”

“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup”

Exhaustipated (exhausted + constipated)

“Life just handed me lemonade—not sure what to do”

“Sip happens” (sip + shit happens)

“Love the wine you’re with”

“The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got”

“Don’t worry, beer happy”

“I don’t get drunk—I get awesome”

“You look like I could use a drink” (“You look like I need another drink”)

“Do you know the way to Chardonnay?”

Autograt (automatic gratuity)

“Earth provides enough for every man’s need. but not every man’s greed”

“We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice…”

“Society is like a stew”

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign”

“Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason i have trust issues”

“A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway”

“The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race”

“Drugs: Responsible for teaching Americans the metric system”

“Real girls eat meat”

Department of Redundancy Department

Jockularity (jock + jocularity)

“My kid is an honor student & my president is an idiot” (bumper sticker)

“Be nice to America or we’ll bring democracy to your country”

Winespeak

Steakhouse Index

Fryscraper (fry + skyscraper)

WTF (Where’s The Food)

“Sometimes I sits and thinks, and then again I just sits”

“B.C. stands for ‘Before Coffee’”

“The inmates are running the asylum”

“Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you”

“Never meet your heroes” (entertainment adage)

“Poor complain about money they can’t get; rich complain about money they can’t keep”

Icing the Kicker (football strategy)

“Bad numbers are harder to add up than good ones” (accounting adage)

Asian Wall Street (San Gabriel Valley, CA)

“Foods before dudes” (“Food before dudes”)

“Fries before guys”

“It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose—until you lose”

“Where there’s a will. I want to be in it”

“Arrive early, be the last to leave and kick ass all fucking day”

“What we resist, persists”

Bagel Ball (Bantam Bagel)

Townie (tart + brownie)

Crookie (croissant + cookie)

Frankenpastry (Frankenstein + pastry)

Wrongnado (wrong + tornado)

Shareable

Floasted (flavor + toasted)

Chainstaurant (chain + restaurant)

Gestapolemics (Gestapo + polemics)

Butt-chugging (alcohol enema)

“Been there, bombed that” (been there, done that + bombed)

Silent Dining

McEverything (all McDonald’s sandwiches)

Green Circle (chicken)

Trader Vic’s Columbia (cocktail)

“Turn the key, be idle free” (anti-idling slogan)

You Always Have Other Options (“Yahoo!” backronym)

Hammunition (ham + ammunition)

“I’m not fat—I’m fluffy”

Reverse Showrooming

Uplift Town (McLean nickname)

“Isn’t Texas cute?” (Alaskan T-shirt)

“The fans are behind the coach 100 percent, win or tie”

“I’m not fat—I’m just big boned”

“Tea is instant wisdom—just add water”

“Strange how a teapot can represent both solitude and company”

“Tea is liquid wisdom”

“While there’s tea, there’s hope”