“Tea is a cup of life”

“Coffee is not my cup of tea”

“It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from its government”

“Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading”

N-ICE (NYSE + ICE)

Octaper (October + taper)

“Tidy room, tidy mind”

“Tidy house, tidy mind”

“Tidy desk, tidy mind”

Printer in Chief (Fed chairman nickname)

French Republican

Pretzel Burger

“Money can’t buy friends, but it can get a better class of enemy”

Foodstagram (food + Instagram)

“You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek”

Ballotocracy (ballot + -ocracy)

“Great teams don’t rebuild—they reload”

Treadmill of Mediocrity (Mediocrity Treadmill)

“Too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash”

United Nuts (United Nations nickname)

“Conservatives think liberals are stupid; liberals think conservatives are evil” (Krauthammer’s Law)

“The people have spoken…and they must be punished”

H2NO (H2O/water + no)

“If you could beat me, I would know you” (chess saying)

Hold On Pain Ends (“hope” backronym)

“PE doesn’t stand for physical education, it stands for public embarrassment”

Magic Number

Tragic Number

“Instagram would’ve been a great name for a cocaine delivery service”

“Do you have a golden lawyer?” (lawyer joke)

“In boxing, you fight over a belt and a purse”

“A modern bar mitzvah is more ‘bar’ than ‘mitzvah’”

“I bought powdered water, but I don’t know what to add to it”

Clowngress (clown + Congress)

“Time to make the donuts”

“A guy walks into a bar…” (bar jokes)

“There’s a $20 fee to leave your apartment” (joke)

Vichy Republican

Maturialism (mature + materialism)

“Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet”

“I didn’t think there was a class system in the U.S.” (joke)

Persiastroika (Persia + perestroika)

TomTato (tomato + potato)

“What do you get when an cross an elephant with a RINO?” (joke)

Nuts, Racists and Assholes (National Rifle Association or NRA nickname)

Did I Eat That (“diet” backronym)

Chiffalo (chicken + buffalo)

Coachspeak

“A lawyer’s first duty is to make sure that only the client goes to jail”

People’s Opera (New York City Opera)

“If I drink alcohol, I’m an alcoholic; if I drink Fanta, am I fantastic?”

“How do you know if someone is a vegan?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

“Are you supposed to tip the waiters here?” (joke)

Manhattanesque

“What is one plus one?” (accounting joke)

FOMOF (Fear Of Missing Out on Football)

“She’s so stupid, she slept with the writer” (casting joke)

Fitspo (fitness + inspiration)

Fitspiration (fitness + inspiration)

Thinspo (thin + inspiration)

Thinspiration (thin + inspiration)

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other”

“The best program is the one you’re not on”

“Don’t let a team beat you twice”

“We’ve got ourselves a ball game”

“I never promised you a rose garden”

Panda Paws (ice cream)

National Snoops’ Agency (National Security Agency or NSA nickname)

“Coffee break’s over! Everyone back on your heads!” (joke)