Mayor Pothole or Senator Pothole (responsive to constituent needs)

“New York point guards will give up their grandmother before their dribble” (basketball adage)

“Father Time is undefeated” (sports adage)

Great Under Major Pressure (GUMP)

“Opportunities always look bigger going than coming”

“If a listener nods his head when you’re explaining your program, wake him up”

“To be a success in business, be daring, be first, be different”

“Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is a candy”

“When people rob banks, they go to jail; when banks rob people, they get bonuses”

“If you can sell. you’ll never be unemployed”

Jawbreaker (sandwich)

“People like hard work when they are paying someone else to do it”

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest”

Muggers’ Express (4 subway line)

Theft by Cop (civil asset forfeiture)

“You can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out”

“Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction”

Problem - Reaction - Solution

Gunshine State (gun + Sunshine State)

“My BFF is a Bowl of Fattening Food”

“It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something”

“Nothing gets out of hand quicker these days than money”

“When a diplomat says yes, he means perhaps…”

“If we’re not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?”

“Getting something done is an accomplishment; getting something done right is an achievement”

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape”

“Teaching children is an accomplishment; getting children excited about learning is an achievement”

“If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission”

“Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt”

“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.—Anonymous”

FrankenFed (Frankenstein monster + Federal Reserve)

“Strong people stand up for themselves; stronger people stand up for others”

“Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin”

“Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses”

“No Standing—Only Dancing”

“Life is like ice cream—enjoy it before it melts”

“It’s useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk or running for office”

“All hotel rooms look the same with the lights off”

Warmunism (global warming + communism); Warmunist

“How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?”

“The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist”

“Respect is earned; honesty is appreciated; trust is gained; loyalty is returned”

“Million-dollar arm, ten-cent head”

“The man who gets into a cage full of lions impresses everyone but a school-bus driver”

“You don’t have to stay up nights to succeed; you have to stay awake days”

“Built by bonds”

“Gold is for royalty, silver is for gentlemen and copper is for the working man”

“You can’t eat like a bird and poop like an elephant” (trading adage)

“Rich have money, wealthy have time”

Big Apple Red (color)

“What do you think about the execution of the team?” (sports joke)

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor”

Lawyer’s Billable Hours (lawyer joke)

“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks”

“A lawsuit is something no one wants to have and no one wants to lose”

“How do you stop an elephant from charging?” (joke)

Lawyer’s Brain (lawyer joke)

“All lawyers are jerks” (lawyer joke)

“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?” (lawyer joke)

“Do you serve lawyers here?” (bar/lawyer joke)

“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?” (lawyer joke)

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on”

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers”

“It’s no longer called ‘box wine’—the classy term is ‘Cardboardeaux’”

“Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people”

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand”

“Who was the wisest financial investor in the Bible?” (joke)

Road Pirates (police nickname)

“If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them”

“Facebook is like jail” (joke)

“Some debts are fun when you’re acquiring them, but none are fun when you’re retiring them”

“An onion will make you cry, but they never have invented a vegetable that will make you laugh”

“Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it”

“Studying—notice how they conveniently put ‘dying’ at the end of this word”

“The only person telling you the truth in politics is the one who says he is not voting for you”

“The most dangerous part of an automobile is the nut behind the wheel”

“If it burns, it earns”

Two Left Feet (clumsy at dancing)

Thankscaking (Thanksgiving + cake)

“How does a turkey drink her wine?”/“In a gobble-let.”

“What are unhappy cranberries called?”/“Blueberries.”

“What’s the best thing to put into a cake or pie?”/“Your teeth.”

“How many cranberries grow on a bush?”/“All of them.”

“How many apples grow on a tree?/“All of them.”

“Why does no one starve in a desert?” (joke)

Illuminutty (Illuminati + nutty)

“Run like you stole something”

“Don’t chase anything but drinks and dreams”

“Every time you make a typo, the errorists win”

“If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it”

“You aren’t going to get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have”

“They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work” (Soviet joke)

“Public school is a place of detention for children placed in the care of teachers…”

“You can’t do today’s job with yesterday’s tools and still be in business tomorrow”

“I drink as I dress: Chablis”