United States of Amnesia

Economissed (economist/economy + missed; The Economist nickname)

Welfarian (someone on welfare)

“Anyone who says ‘good morning’ on a Monday is a sociopath”

“People who say ‘good morning’ should be forced to prove it”

Unicorn Wine

“You can observe a lot by watching”

“If you don’t go to other people’s funerals, they won’t come to yours”

“It gets late early out there”

“We made too many wrong mistakes”

“What a house! Nothing but rooms!”

“Baseball is ninety percent mental, and the other half is physical”

“I lost it in the sun” (baseball infielder after fumbling a ground ball)

“He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious”

“Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting”

“We have deep depth”

“If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him”

“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility”

“Little League keeps the kids out of the house”

“I always thought the record would stand until it was broken”

“Tom Landry is such a perfectionist he’d expect Raquel Welch to cook”

“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel”

“Better sore than sorry”

“If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits”

“His limitations are limitless”

“Would the fans along the outfield railing please remove their clothes?”

“Pair off in threes”

“Half the game is mental, the other half is being mental”

“All pro athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity”

“The Brooklyn Dodgers have three on base.”/“Which base?”

Buffalo (city name etymology)

“Don’t fail to miss tomorrow’s game”

“Grape or grain, but never the twain”

“A lot of people my age are dead”

“We are launching this innovation for the first time”

“Three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win, you can lose or it can rain”

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running”

“I ate at a family restaurant. Every table had an argument going”

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction” (joke)

“The brain never stops working until you start to speak in public”

“Overweight is something that sort of snacks up on you”

“Our comedies are not to be laughed at”

“A hospital is no place to be sick”

“I’m overpaying him, but he’s worth it”

“If you break both of your legs, don’t come running to me”

“Old Italian chefs never die—they’re just put out to pasta”