“Hotel — A place where you pay dollars for quarters”

“It’s not over until you shake hands” (hockey, tennis adage)

“Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist should have his head examined”

“Too caustic? To hell with the cost, we’ll make the picture anyway”

“Make your parents proud, your enemies jealous, and yourself happy”

Ithaca: Ithaca is Gorges (slogan)

“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music”

“How can they both be right?”/“You’re right, too.”

“Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does”

“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early”

“Gym update: Not there”

“I childproofed the house, but they still get in”

“The bigger the top, the bigger the drop” (Wall Street adage)

“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back”

“The bigger the base, the higher in space” (Wall Street adage)

Great Divider

“What a teacher writes on the blackboard of life can never be erased”

“The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip”

“Every time someone goes into a deli and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies”

“I failed to make the chess team because of my height”

“I looked for the key to success and then found it’s a combination lock”

“Where do children learn their ABCs?”/“In LMN-tary school”

“Home Sweet Homeroom” (“Home Sweet Classroom”)

“Waiter, does the pianist play requests?” (joke)

Nodel (not a model)

Maiter (model + waiter)

“Jewish dropout: A boy who didn’t get his Ph.D.”

Body Woman

“The boss said I was tardy” (joke)

“The mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher explains, the superior teacher demonstrates”

“How do you make a bandstand?”/‘Take away their chairs.”

“What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?”/” Lots.”

“What do you call a person who plays the viola?”/“A violator.”

“What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?”

Aquacise (aqua + exercise)

“We need the eggs” (joke)

“Sex is like bridge…” (bridge joke)

“If you don’t fight for what you want, don’t cry for what you lose”

“A lawyer’s time and advice are his stock in trade”

“The philosophy of the classroom in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next”

“Publicity is like poison. It doesn’t hurt unless you swallow it”

“Price it low, watch it go; price it high, watch it die” (real estate adage)

Riveters (National Women’s Hockey League team)

Zydecajun (zydeco + Cajun)

Transfarency (transparency + fare)

Auld Mug (America’s Cup trophy nickname)

“The in-flight movie was so bad, people were walking out”

“A politician is a man who will double-cross that bridge when he comes to it”

“Every master was once a disaster”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”/“Probably in a mirror.”

“Be so good they can’t ignore you”

“The bartender asked me, ‘What’ll you have?’ I said, ‘Surprise me’” (joke)

“My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats”

True Happiness Ended Since It Started (“thesis” backronym)

“If women ruled the world, there would be no wars…”

“Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other tires because of a flat”

“I love the smell of possibility in the morning”

“I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener”

“The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows”

“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror”

“Reading is a discount ticket to everywhere”

“The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself”

“I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York”

“Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them”

“Mistakes happen. Don’t dwell on them. Just blame somebody else and move on”

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it”

“My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook”

“A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer”

“Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness”

“Rent is dollars for quarters”

“I thought about becoming a psychic, but I didn’t know what people would think”

Knowledge Empowers You (“key” backronym)

God Rewards Our Work (“grow” backronym)

ABC Rule (Anything But Cabernet; Anything But Chardonnay)

Binghamton: Parlor City (nickname)

“Home is where the mortgage is”

“Home is where the free food is”

“Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody”

“If 10% is enough for God, it’s enough for the IRS”

“Why did the Canadian cross the road?”/“To get to the middle.”

Keep Educating Yourself (“key” backronym)

“Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth”

Positive Attitude Changes Everything (“pace” backronym)

Archtober (architecture + October)

Marxocrat (Marxist + Democrat); Marxocratic

“In economics, two people can win a Nobel Prize for saying the opposite thing”

Ranchion (ranch + mansion)

Thrilledy (thriller + comedy)

“In New York, it’s not whether you win or lose — it’s how you lay the blame”

Ranchion (ranch + mansion)

Cheapatarianism (cheap + vegetarianism); Cheapatarian

“If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili will be good”

“What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?” (joke)

“If you drink like a fish, swim—don’t drive”

“Some people are so poor, all they have is money”

“Planners are a funny lot. They carry neither sword nor pistol…”

“That’s all she wrote”

“Real men wear aprons”

“In God we trust. All others must bring data”

“A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student”