“The odds are good, but the goods are odd” (male-female ratio)

“Poetry is proof that rhyme doesn’t pay”

“California has four seasons—Earthquake, Fire, Flood and Drought”

Glass Cliff

Idaho Stop

“The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog”

“If you want to have rabbit stew, first catch the rabbit”

“Prices lead fundamentals” (Wall Street adage)

Giving Tuesday (Tuesday after Thanksgiving)

“Schizophrenia beats dining alone”

“A manager eyes the bottom line; a leader eyes the horizon”

Faithwashing (faith + whitewashing)

Wholetail (wholesale + retail)

“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe—eat cake”

“What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?”

“It’s not how big you are, it’s how big you play”

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day”

“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there”

“Come for the food. Stay for the fun”

“The only person who likes change is a baby with a wet diaper”

“He was addicted to cowboy line dancing and entered a two-step program”

“He’s so dumb, he stayed up all night studying for a urine test”

“I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian; sitting in a garage doesn’t make you a car”

Philanthrocapitalism (philanthropy + capitalism); Philanthrocapitalist

Hanukkah Gelt

“Where do snowmen keep their money?”/“In snow banks.”

“What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?”/“A cookie sheet.”

“What do snowmen eat for breakfast?”/“Frosted Flakes.”

“How did they measure hail before the golf ball was invented?”

“You ain’t no Muslim, bruv”

“Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed”

“Teenagers drive like they’re going to die: elders drive like they have all the time in the world”

Hispennial (Hispanic + millennial)

Billennial (bilingual + millennial)

Crowler (can + growler)

“The shortest book in the world is called ‘Great Jewish Sports Heroes’”

Gingerbread House (Bay Ridge, Brooklyn)

“The best way to cook fish is to have a slow waiter walk it through a hot kitchen”

“There is only one fruitcake—it just keeps getting sent around”

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens”

Robe-itis

Little Paris; Little France (Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn)

Little Uzbekistan (Midwood, Brooklyn)

Heartbreak Hotel (Ramada Plaza JFK Hotel)

Clinton News Network (CNN nickname)

“It’s no long a question of staying healthy; it’s finding a sickness you like”

“If the safety’s on, you’re good as gone”

Muspandering (Muslim + pandering)

Cat Alley (Cannon Street)

Airpocalypse (air + apocalypse)

“Distrust every enterprise that requires new clothes”

“The purpose of NATO is to keep the Americans in, the Russians out and the Germans down”

“Buy sheep, sell deer”

“I’d rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies”

“He is a man of his most recent word”

“A conservative is a man who worships a dead radical”

“Liberals feel unworthy of possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen”

“A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now”

“This guy was so large, he had his own climate”

“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian; someone who makes you think, then laugh is a humorist”

Go On TV (GOTV nickname)

Not Serving Americans or Not Serving Anyone (National Security Agency or NSA nickname)

Capitalism’s Invisible Army (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Too Stupid for Arby’s (Transportation Security Administration or TSA nickname)

Hoaxiversary (hoax + anniversary)

“The darkest hour has only sixty minutes”

“Patience precedes profits” or “Patience precedes prosperity” (Wall Street adage)

“Only dead fish go with the flow”

“If you are more fortunate than others, it’s better to build a longer table than a taller fence”

Secret Santa

Kris Kringle

“What are you waiting for? Christmas?”

Jack Frost

“Move fast and break things”

“Share sarcasm, not pizza”

Naughty List

“Don’t tell people your plans. Show them your results”

Epocalypse (economic apocalypse)

MAGS (Microsoft, Amazon, Google and Salesforce)

“Transformation happens on the other side of surrender”

“You can wake up sore or you can wake up sorry”

“Success trains. Failure complains”

Watertown: Snowtown USA (nickname)

Buffetiquette (buffet + etiquette)

TINVOWOOT (There Is No Voting Our Way Out Of This)

Redwash (communist red + whitewash)

“Budget: A mathematical confirmation of your suspicions”

“Trend is not destiny”

“Dread the Fed”

Redwash (redskin + whitewash)

“Once a billionaire, always a billionaire”

Explosionism (art of explosions)

Hat and T-shirt Victory

“A one hour workout is only 4% of your day.  No excuses”

Keeseville: Grand Canyon of the Adirondacks (Ausable Chasm nickname)

“Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’”

Portageville: Grand Canyon of the East (Letchworth State Park nickname)

“What do you call a cow with three legs?”/“Lean beef.”

“What do you call a cow with no legs?”/“Ground beef.”