A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Since everyone started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste” (12/6)
“Why should you enjoy the music at the entrance of a hotel?"/"Because it’s foyer entertainment.” (12/6)
Entry in progress—BP (12/6)
“If you pretend I’m wearing a mask, I’ll pretend yours works” (12/6)
“The only thing in Texas that changes faster than the weather is a woman’s mind” (12/6)
More new entries...

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“Why are there only 239 beans in Irish bean soup?” (joke)

“What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream?"/"Veinilla.”

“I got a bottle of scotch for my wife…” (joke)

“What do hillbillies drink out of?"/"Hiccups.”

“Why experiment on animals with so many lawyers out there?”

“A lawyer helps you get what’s coming to him”

“A lawyer prevents somebody else from getting your money”

CNN Effect

“Why don’t football players wear glasses?"/"Because it’s a contact sport.”

“Hard to find four innocent people in New York”

“If I had my life to live over, I’d live over a saloon”

Rabbit Town (Stuyvesant Town-Peter Cooper Village)

Fun City Bowl

“Eat the rainbow” ("Taste the rainbow")

“Lettuce turnip the beet”

“No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it ‘Stool Sample‘“

“Who says a good newspaper has to be dull?” (NY Herald Tribune slogan)

Panic City

“Three great inventions: fire, the wheel and central banking”

“Start every day with a smile and get it over with”

Waitsplaining (waiter/waitress + explaining)

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people”

“The sideline is a defender’s best friend”

“Dance is a series of three-minute romances” ("three-minute love affair")

“My school’s development office will find me” (alumni joke)

“What kind of bagel can fly?"/"A plain bagel.”

“What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink?"/"Booze.”

“How do you make a Swiss roll?"/"Push him down a hill.”

Barns and No Bull (Barnes & Noble nickname)

“What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors?"/"Pa snips.”

Lego Cookery

“Synonym rolls…just like grammar used to make”

“Why do only flat animals try to cross the road?”

“An auditor is a watchdog, not a bloodhound”

Totalitolerance (totalitarian + tolerance)


“What do you call a helpful potato?"/"A facilitater.”

“What did one leftover say to the other?"/"Foiled again!”

“I saw a sign that said ‘Watch for children‘“ (joke)

“So fast, I turned off the light in my hotel room and was in bed before it was dark”

“There was a guy who played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food”

“When do you go on red and stop on green?"/"When eating a watermelon.”

“What do ramen noodles and ketchup taste like together?"/"Poverty.”

“How to tell if an orange likes to party?"/"Just Invitamin-C.”

“Eating clocks is time consuming”

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy”

“Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver”

“The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem”

“We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them”

“Not all math puns are bad. Just sum”

Naples: Grape Pie Capital of the World (nickname)

Gunpocalypse (gun + apocalypse)

“El Bronx” (Bogotá, Colombia)

“Vote blue, no matter who”

“What’s worse than 9/11?"/"311.”

“How do you make hard cider?"/"Put it in the freezer.”

“Why do the French have so many civil wars?"/"So that they can win one.”

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