A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

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“It’s impossible to predict the past” (joke)

“Instant asshole—just add alcohol” ("Instant jackass—just add alcohol")

“If it’s flooded, forget it” (driving on flooded streets)

“If you believe in 12.5% of the Bible you’re an eighth theist”

“Whoa, Nellie!” ("Whoa, Nelly!")

“It’s just a job. I beat people up” (boxing)

“Statistics are just people’s stories with the tears wiped away”

“I got hit with a can of soda. Fortunately, it was a soft drink”

“Pigs can fly…They just gotta pay for two seats”

“I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work”

“I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble pieces” (joke)

“The will must be stronger than the skill”

“What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men?"/"A pastryarchy.”

Cutchogue: “Sunniest Place in New York State” (slogan)

“Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up”

“If they can make penicillin from moldy bread, you can become something”

“Boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other”

“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize”

“So fast, I turned off the light in my hotel room and was in bed before it was dark”

“What did one strawberry say to the other?” (joke)

Texit (Texas + exit)

“What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?"/"Taller.”

“Hit and don’t get hit” (boxing axiom)

“How do you cook kidneys?"/"Boil the piss out of them.”

“What do you call a cold burrito?"/"A brrrrrrito.”

“Doc, I’m addicted to Twitter!"/"Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

“A belt made of dollar bills would be a waist of money”

“What room can you not enter?"/"A mushroom.”

Sawdust Trail (Sawdust Circuit)

“Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor”

“What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?” (riddle)

“What do cannibals put in their soup?"/"Ramen.”

“Where are average things built?"/"In the satisfactory.”

“What has one horn and gives milk?"/"A milk truck.”

“What did one worm say to the other?"/"I’m moving to the Big Apple!”

“Vacation calories don’t count” ("Calories don’t count on your birthday")

“How do you make a cheeseburger sad?"/"Make it with blue cheese.”

“A diplomat is a person who can be disarming even though his country isn’t”

“The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work”

“The fat, alcoholic transvestite just wanted to eat, drink and be Mary”

“The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work”

Saratoga: Big Apple (New York racing circuit including the Saratoga Race Course)

Belmont Park (cocktail)

“This vehicle protected by anti-theft sticker” (bumper sticker)

“You can’t fake desperation (sports adage)

“Don’t pay for saves” (fantasy baseball adage)

“The best pass defense is a good pass rush” (football adage)

“God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things…”

“There is no education in the second kick of a mule”

“You can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word”

“How do weathermen get up a mountain?"/"They climate.”

“There is no education in the second kick of a mule”

“Watching too much television gives you square eyes” (Square-eyed)

“Can you use ‘Mountain Dew’ in a sentence?” ("Mount and Do” pun)

“Why are horses always so fit?"/"They’re on a stable diet.”

“Why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?” (prison joke)

“How’s the weather up there?” (said to a tall person)

“For men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen…” (joke)

NYJew (New York University or NYU nickname)

“The closest I’ve been to a diet is erasing food searches from my browser history”

“Alternative medicine that works is called medicine”

“I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around”

John Chinaman (John Confucius)

Most Exciting Team in Sports (New York Mets nickname)

“How do you say thank you to a New York sushi chef?"/"Gracias.”

“How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?"/"Allah carte.”

“My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast”

“If you don’t know coins, know your dealer” (coin collecting adage)

Bremain (Great Britain/British + remain)

“I took a baking class. The final was a piece of cake”

“What do lawyers wear to court?"/"Law suits.”

“What do you call a red-headed baker?"/"A ginger bread man.”

Resi-mercial (residential-commercial)

“What do you call baby potatoes?"/"Small fry.”

“What do you call baby potatoes?"/"Tater tots.”

“What do you call a potato with glasses?"/"A spectator.”

“What do you call a phallic-shaped potato?"/"A dictator.”

Resimercial (residential-commercial)

“What kind of key do you have to cook before using?"/"A latke.”

“What kind of keys do kids carry?"/"Cookies.”

“What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?"/"A stomach cake.”

“I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won…” (joke)

“What kind of key opens a banana?"/"A monkey.”

“Why don’t they serve chocolate in prison?"/"Because it makes you break out.”

“Where do smart hot dogs end up?"/"On honor rolls.”

“What has four wheels and flies?"/"A garbage truck.”

“What has four legs and flies?"/"A picnic table.”

“How do you make an egg roll?"/"Push it.”

“What is the definition of a financial genius?” (joke)

“Did you hear about the man who invented Life Savers? He made a mint”

“How do you turn soup into gold?"/"Add 24 carrots.”

New Jersey: “What did Delaware?"/"Her New Jersey.”

Delaware: “What did Delaware?"/"Her New Jersey.”

“Why did the newspaper blush?"/"It saw the comic strip.”

“Why are pianos so hard to open?"/"The keys are inside.”

“The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large”

“Why do riot police get to work early?"/"To beat the crowd.”

“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. What matters is if I win or lose”

“I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste time at work”

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse”

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