A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“The future belongs to those who build it” (12/11)
“Why did the non-binary prospector move to California?"/"There was gold in them/their hills” (12/11)
“Have your people call my people” (business saying) (12/11)
“Beat the pants off” (to defeat completely) (12/11)
“When the whole world has gone vegan, no one will expect the Spinach Inquisition!” (12/11)
More new entries...

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“It was so windy that when I was walking to the gym, I got blown into the wine store”

“Food. Eat it quick or you will have to share it”

“Food is our common ground, a universal experience”

“It was so windy that when I was walking to the gym, I got blown into the wine store”

“The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything”

“I am not a glutton, but I am an explorer of food”

“Don’t ask why health food is so expensive. Ask why junk food is so cheap”

“The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing”

“Eating is a necessity, but cooking is an art”

“The weather is so nice I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run”

“The weather is so nice I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run”

“The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing”

“When I hear somebody sigh that ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?‘“

“I got fired from my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene”

“I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb…” (joke)

“I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb…” (joke)

“Apparently, rush hour starts the second I put my key in the ignition, no matter what time I leave”

“I have a smart phone with a dumb battery”

“Is it whiskey?"/"Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank.”

“Apparently ‘cheesecake & tacos’ wasn’t the answer when he asked me about my weaknesses”

“I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper? She said they’re old school” (joke)

“How much dip would a dipshit shit if a dipshit could shit dip?”

“How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?"/"None. They just beat the room for being black.”

“The best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So every morning I slap the wife”

“Apparently ‘cheesecake & tacos’ wasn’t the answer when he asked me about my weaknesses”

“An attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar…” (joke)

“Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?”

“Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off”

“Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?”

“All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors”

“Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring”

“Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream”

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic”

“You say potato, I say vodka”

“Light beer? What’s next, non-addictive pain killers?”

“Not sure if my house is creaking for its own personal house reason or I’m about to be murdered”

“Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream”

“Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream”

“How much does a bottled soft drink cost?"/"About a dollar a pop, soda speak.”

“Maybe if we email the Constitution to each other, the NSA would finally read it?”

“If I put the Constitution in my emails, would the government start reading it?

“Hey girl, are you a parking ticket?” (joke)

“How do you milk sheep?"/"With iPhone accessories.”

“We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you”

Bill Johnson’s Big Apple restaurants

“I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon”

“Monday should be optional”

“Beer, lime & sunshine”

“Never trust someone who dislikes dessert”

“I serve three meals: frozen, microwave and takeout”

“Be a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios”

“Insomnia—the art of falling asleep just as your alarm goes off to start the day”

“Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone fall because of a banana peel”

Big Apple Supermarket & Red Apple Supermarket

“I’m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat”

“Reform Judaism is the Democratic Party platform with religious holidays thrown in”

“Save water. Drink champagne”

“I’d call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar…”

“What do you call a woman who follows the NY Philharmonic around?"/"A symphomaniac.”

“I may love to shop, but I’m not buying your bullshit”

“Why did the slave go to college?"/"So he could pick up his Master’s degree.”

“‘When do we eat stuff?’ -My brain, all day”

“Shortest horror story: Monday”

“When people suck the life out of you, wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat, too?”

“I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me”

“Is it Friday yet?”

“If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them—with the flower pot”

“My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work”

“You know what they say about drinking too much tequila…”

“Smile. It will either warm their heart or piss them off. Either way, you win!”

“How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (joke)

“I think the holidays are a wonderful time for drinking”

“All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head”

Future Always Involves Learning ("fail” backronym)

“What turns a fruit into a vegetable?"/"AIDS.”

“I’m not unemployed, I’m NSFW”

“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure”

“Why do brides wear white?"/"Because it’s the most popular color for kitchen appliances”

“An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough”

NyTi (New York Times nickname)

“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap”

“You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake”

“I’m convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notifications”

“My farts always smell like butterscotch. They smell like butt or scotch”

“Happy Birthday to You…Chinese food!” ("Happy Birthday to You…cha-cha-cha")

“I wanted still water."/"This is sparkling, yes, but it’s still water.”

“I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off”

“I got fired from my job at the clock factory today. After all those extra hours I put in!”

“I designed a website for orphans. There isn’t a home page”

“Coffee completes me”

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee”

New Jersey: Medicine Chest of the World (nickname)

“I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking”

“Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee”

“I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand”

“Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars”

“I might wake up early and go running…” (joke)

“I am rarely more focused on 5 seconds than when I’m waiting to skip an ad on the internet”

“Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They’re checking their phones”

“Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They’re checking their phones”

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