A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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“How can you get rich by eating?"/"Eat fortune cookies.”

“Run like it’s midnight”

“Justice is a dish best served cold” (otherwise, just-ice would probably melt)

“Warm beer and cold coffee are the same temperature”

“The most used piece of equipment at the gym is the mirror”

“How can you get rich by eating?"/"Eat fortune cookies.”

“Latin’s not dead. It’s just Roman around”

“We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favorite”

“I was doing my vocabulary homework when suddenly I felt dizzy. I had to sit for a spell”

Yellow Blanket on a Dead Cow (cheeseburger)

“What do you call a pretend railway?"/"A play station.”

“My friend is so vegan, he won’t even have his picture taken because he’d have to say ‘cheese‘“

“What do you get if you cross a snake and a hot dog?"/"A fangfurter.”

“Alcohol may be the road to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route”

“Come to the nerd side. We have Pi”

“When do clocks die?"/"When their time is up.”

“Want to hear a joke about pizza?…Never mind, it’s too cheesy”

“Drinks well with others”

“Coating chicken in egg batter is pretty messed up when you think about it”

“Swimming is basically having fun trying not to drown”

“A rolling stone gathers no moss. but a moving ceiling fan gathers dust like a motherfucker”

“Swimming: The only sport in which the coach yells at you for breathing”

“You are not stuck in traffic. You are traffic”

“‘Tater tots’ is short for ‘potato toddlers‘“

“I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet”

“I wonder if it’s rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands”

“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime."/"Is it something I said?"/"Yes.”

Rome on the Potomac (Washington, DC nickname)

“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s just not a very good one”

“What dog can tell the time?"/"A watch dog.”

“What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?"/"Depreciation.”

“Where do birds meet for coffee?"/"In a nest-cafe.”

“What did one frog say to the other?"/"Time’s sure fun when you’re having flies.”

“Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again”

“Take me to your liter” ("Take me to your litre")

“The more comfort food I eat, the less comfortable I am”

“It’s Monday. Put on your capes”

“Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit”

“Why the heck do they call it a swimming pool? I mean, it doesn’t even swim!”

“If the term ‘military grade’ impresses you, you’ve probably never been in the military”

“What school do you have to drop out to graduate from?"/"Parachute school.”

“It’s Monday, teachers. Put on your capes”

“Why couldn’t the pig pay his bill?"/"He was a little shoat.”

“Pizza is just a plate of food where you can eat the plate, too”

“I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. Farcical?”

“Why have abs when you can have kebabs?”

“If the term ‘military grade’ impresses you, you’ve probably never been in the military”

“Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?"/"Because it got stuck in a crack.”

“Why did the pirate ask for a loan with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”

“Ravioli look like pregnant postage stamps”

“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”

“Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair”

“Banks are cloud storage for your money”

“Can I think of any red wine puns? You bet Shiraz I can”

“Why have abs when you can have kebabs?”

“Why did the clown cross the road?"/"To find his rubber chicken.”

“Safe driving is no accident”

“The only abs I have are abnormalities”

“Why did the bank robber take a bath?"/"So he could make a clean getaway.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”

“In America, dogs are k-9s. But in China, dogs are e-10”

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting”

“What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?"/"It stole the show!”

“Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?"/"Because time will tell.”

“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”

“What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school?"/"The multiplication table.”

“Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up”

“What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?"/"A Boeing constructor.”

“A man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table…” (bar joke)

“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”

Shellebration (shell + celebration)

“Why do blondes hate M&Ms?"/"They’re too hard to peel.”

“I love my computer because my friends live in it”

“Free Wi-Fi! He’s been in prison too long!”

“An acid and a base walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Yo mama is so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops”

“Dunno what this WiFi dude did, but I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom”

“I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies”

“It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it, then feel really sad around 8 p.m.”

“What food can’t make up its mind?"/"A waffle.”

“If you buy smartwater for $4 a bottle, it’s not working”

Mutually Assured Blackmail (MAB)

“I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer”

“Why did the cannibal live on his own?"/"He was fed up with other people.”

“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only faith can bring the two together”

“When a man opens the car door for his wife, either the car is new or the wife is”

“How did rich people get their money?"/"They were calm and collected.”

“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only religion can bring the two together”

“Friday must be a woman. It takes forever to come”

“Scrabble is all fun and games until someone loses an ‘I‘“

“What do you call a pig with no clothes on?"/"Streaky bacon.”

“I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans”

“Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it.”

“Why can’t Chinese barbecue?"/"Because the rice falls through the grill.”

“I tried to re-marry my ex-wife, but she figured out I was only after my money”

“When poison expires, does it become more poisonous or less poisonous?”

“What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?"/"The cast-a-net.”

“How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?"/"The bow is moving.”

“Why didn’t the piglets listen to the teacher pig?"/"Because he was an old boar.”

“What did the apple say to the apple pie?"/"You’ve got some crust.”

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