A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Instead of ‘British Summer Time’ and ‘Greenwich Mean Time’ we should just call them ‘Oven Clock Correct Time’...” (3/28)
“Has anyone here ever drank a pint of tequila? I know it’s a long shot” (3/28)
“A pint of tequila? That’s a long shot” (3/28)
“The U.S. should add three more states. Because 53 is a prime number. Then they can truly be one nation, indivisible” (3/28)
“My love for the truth outweighs my fear of offending you” (3/28)
More new entries...

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“The high-jump event is basically reverse limbo”

“First rule of Vegan Club: You tell everyone about Vegan Club”

“If even the inspector says ‘Pass’ on a restaurant, why should I try it?”

“I went bobsleighing the other day. Killed 20 Bobs”

“Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone”

Booporium (boo + emporium)

“I woke up this morning to a robber in my house searching for money. I joined him”

“Not all gyros wear crêpes” (“Not all heroes wear capes”)

“I decided to cross the road, not because I’m brave, but because I’m chicken”

“I woke up this morning to a robber in my house searching for money. I joined him”

“Why do bees have sticky hair?”/“Because they use honeycombs.”

“I quit my job working at a helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice”

“Barbecue sauce is the evolved form of ketchup”

“What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver?”/“Floret.”

“How do you tell a proper joke about eating?”/“In jest.”

Black Friday (Big Friday)

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”

“Hummus is really just pita butter”

“What ghost is handy in the kitchen?”/“A recipe spook.”

“Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat, but they feed off attention”

“A gyro is a Greek taco” (“A gyro is a lamb taco”)

“I’m glad ‘feta’ isn’t the plural of ‘fetus.’ If it were, I might have to stop eating Greek salads”

“I once set an alarm to tell me when my milk would expire. Spoiler alert”

“Singing is like talking in cursive”

“What is a crowbar?”/“A place were crows go to get a drink.”

“Depression is the toothpaste to the sweet orange juice that is life”

“Who is the fastest man on earth?”/“A drummer. He beats time.”

Six Million Jews

Double Red Cross; Double Red Crossed (double-cross + Red Cross)

“What’s the difference between a college freshman and a high school senior?”/“Three months.”

Red Double Cross; Red Double Crossed (Red Cross + double-cross)

“Bricks are domesticated rocks”

“I started a cold air balloon business, but I’m having trouble getting it off the ground”

“Mathematics is 90% common sense, the other half is intelligence”

“Slim Jims are just meat flavored Laffy Taffy”

“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)

“It’s only a gambling addiction if you keep losing. Otherwise, it’s a high paying career”

“Dentists are janitors for mouths”

“Pie rates of the Caribbean” (pun)

“Why do cows think cooks are mean?”/“They whip cream!”

“We are all feminine products”

“You only have a gambling problem if you lose” (“It’s only a gambling problem if you’re losing”)

“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)

“If you’re drunk at noon, you’re either living very well, or very poorly”

“I tried suing someone for stealing my basketball, but it got thrown out of court”

“There is a special place in hell reserved for people that break the ‘10 items or less’ rule”

“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”

Zoo School (Urban Assembly School for Wildlife Conservation)

“That awkward moment when you don’t know what to do with your life when you leave the computer”

“What do cows get when they do all their chores?”/“Mooney.”

“Pizza is a pie chart that updates in real time showing how much pizza you have left”

“Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion”

“Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?”/“He couldn’t see himself doing it.”

“It’s not fair that coffee stains your teeth brown, but milk doesn’t stain them white”

“Funeral homes are a dying business”

“What do you call a chicken crossing the road?”/“Poultry in motion.”

“Why don’t vegetarians hold grudges?”/“Because they never have beef with anyone!”

“Checking social media at work is our generation’s smoke break”

“Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans”

“A bull market is like sex. It feels best just before it ends”

“How does a rich girl sneeze?”/“Jimmy Choo!”

“What tea do footballers drink?”/“Penaltea.”

“Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?”

“How do you tickle a rich girl?”/“Say ‘Gucci Gucci Gucci!’”

“Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?”/“All of them. A crossbar can’t jump.”

“What lights up a football stadium?”/“A football match.”

“I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you”

“Where do footballers dance?”/“At a football.”

“If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, hit it with a ship”

“How does a rich girl fart?”/“Praadaa praadaaa.”

“How does a rich girl curse?”/“Oh teri Fendi.”

“College bookstores are like the GameStop of textbooks”

“If you Google something and can’t find it, there’s a 90% chance it doesn’t exist”

“If cars had an ‘I’m sorry’ horn, there would probably be a lot less road rage”

“You can tell a lot about a person by what the order at a restaurant when someone else is paying”

“If you scroll down far enough, we’re all on the front page”

“To err is human, yet we must prove that we are not robots by entering captions flawlessly”

“Why do people think vanilla ice cream is plain? It’s vanilla-flavored”

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