A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“You can’t ride two horses with one behind” (3/21)
“There are over 7,500 different types of apple, but only one ‘apple juice‘“ (3/20)
“Alcohol you later” (3/20)
“Our town is so small we don’t have a town drunk, so we all take turns” (3/20)
“If you pay for service by the hour, you buy hours and not service” (3/20)
More new entries...

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“How do you tune a fish?"/"With its scales.”

“You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”

“A problem with drinking with people from work is they’re the ones I bitch about when I’m drunk”

“A problem with drinking with people from work is they’re the ones I bitch about when I’m drunk”

Rules of Eighth Avenue (in Manhattan)

“I just joined a gym for religious minorities—Jehovah’s Fitness”

Rules of Eighth Avenue (boxing at Madison Square Garden in Manhattan)

“I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: ‘Bread in captivity‘“

Misogymnast/Misogymnist or Mysogymnast/Mysogymnist (misogynist + gymnast)

“In Russia, they call it Nyetflix” (nyet + Netflix)

“How do you cook toilet paper?"/"Brown it on one side, then throw it in the pot.”

“Men are like floor tiles” (joke)

“What is small, furry and smells like bacon?"/"A hamster.”

“I’m into auto-cannibalism. People say I’m full of myself”

“Leaves are really just solar panels for trees”

“Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere”

“Dad, a boy at school called me gay!” (joke)

“It’s not a matter of what is true that counts, but a matter of what is perceived to be true”

“I walked into a bar and ordered a double…” (bar joke)

“A boy who couldn’t see, hear, smell, feel or taste punched me in the face yesterday” (joke)

“A man using Apple maps walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

Northernmost Banana Republic (New Orleans nickname)

Chopper City (New Orleans nickname)

“A male feminist walks into a bar because it was set so low” (bar joke)

Old Swampy (New Orleans nickname)

City That Forgot to Care (New Orleans nickname)

Chocolate City (New Orleans nickname)

“Who do you call for a taco/tequila emergency?"/"9-Juan-Juan.”

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?"/"Decaffeinated.”

“To be scary on Halloween, carry a school fundraising packet to every door”

“What do you call a bird who drinks too much?"/"An owlcoholic.”

“Hershey’s Kisses are just big chocolate chips”

“When homeless people ask me for change, I tell them ‘change comes from within‘“

“Homeless are people are the best activists. They’re always asking for change!”

“Aren’t all books text books?”

“Auctioneers are the original rappers”

Sweet Lady Gumbo (New Orleans nickname)

“Why did the sperm cross the road?"/"Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.”

“Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural”

Westoria (west + Astoria)

“I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable”

“I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts”

“Why do ghosts eat only the finest quality health food?"/"Because it’s super-natural.”

N’erlins or Nerlins (New Orleans nickname)

“Why do pickles wear glasses?"/"They’re legally brined.”

Land of Dixie (New Orleans nickname)

“Technically, sperm is a bodybuilding supplement”

“What did one raindrop say to the other?"/"Two’s company, three’s a cloud.”

“What do you give a dog with a fever?"/"Mustard—it’s the best thing for a hot dog!”

“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?"/"Retired.”

“Green is no, yellow is wait, red is go. Tomatoes work the opposite than street lights”

“Why did the dinosaur cross the road?"/"Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet.”

“Beef jerky is just cow raisins”

“Gum is a chew toy for humans”

“Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?"/"A lemon tree school.”

“Some people say I’m addicted to somersaults, but that’s just how I roll”

“There needs to be a restaurant named Chick-fil-B open exclusively on Sundays”

“The lottery is essentially crowd funding for a random person to become a multi-millionaire”

“Why is America so fat?"/"Because these colors don’t run.”

“What do you call a shirt with stalks of corn on it?"/"A crop top.”

“Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?"/"Because it heard the referee was blowing fowls.”

“Why did the Jedi cross the road?"/"To get to the Dark Side.”

“What do cows like to listen to?"/"Moo-sic!”

“Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?"/"A lemon tree school.”

“Wrestling is a sport where people without pants fight for a belt”

Gland Canyon (Broadway at Times Square)

Casting Couch

“A nut for a jar of tuna” (palindrome)

“Dad, what are clouds made of?"/"Linux servers, mostly.”

“Is corn the only thing that’s delicious after it explodes?”

“Fried egg and fried chicken are the same food, just at different stages”

“If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious, I’d wonder who was paying me and why”

Gland Canyon (Broadway at Times Square)

Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)

“Cockroaches survive nuclear war. Which means America will still have a functioning government”

“While most puns make me feel numb, math puns always makes me feel number”

“Life’s too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine until I get to work”

“Which coffee drink is also an actor?"/"Al cappuccino.”

“Most people overgeneralize”

“Which coffee drink is also an actor?"/"Al cappuccino.”

Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)

“If advertisers were smart, they’d make a silent, slow-motion commercial”

“How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?"/"Apply the pumpkin patch.”

“The third hand on a clock is also the second hand”

“You never realize how bumpy the road is until you drive on it with a full bladder”

“Bought a pedometer the other day. It came with step by step instructions”

“The punishment for tax evasion is getting to live off of other people’s taxes”

“Lollipops are just you swallowing your flavored saliva”

“Why did the Canadian cross the road?"/"He saw some American do it on TV.”

“Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"North Korea’s long range missiles don’t reach that far.”

“Why did the Canadian cross the road?"/"He saw some American do it on TV.”

“‘Probiotic’ sounds a lot better than ‘bacteria infested‘“

“Why don’t churches have WiFi?"/"They don’t want to compete with an invisible power that works.”

“What’s the difference between an actress and a hooker?” (joke)

“Tea is just hot leaf juice”

“Memes are just inside jokes that the whole internet is a part of”

“I’ve just seen a very confusing book—‘Ventriloquism for Dummies‘“

“Tea is just leaf soup”

“Dropping a penny on the ground feels more littering than losing money”

“What is a criminal’s favorite font?"/"Sans Sheriff.”

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