A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“Loud pipes saves lives” (6/19)
“What do you call a fake potato?"/"An imitater.” (6/19)
“What do you call fake potatoes?"/"Imitaters.” (6/19)
“How does gold get your attention?"/"It shouts Au!” (6/18)
“How do you get gold’s attention?"/"You yell Au.” (6/18)
More new entries...

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“What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?"/"Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

“I was driving to work and saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on. At least she’s honest”

“One-One was a racehorse…” (tongue twister)

“Waiter, this soup tastes funny!"/"Then why aren’t you laughing?”

“Sometimes I watch football holding a PlayStation controller just to screw with girlfriend’s head”

“This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined”

“Sometimes I watch football holding a PlayStation controller just to screw with girlfriend’s head”

“What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?"/"Sanka.”

“What do you call a tea which stays with you for a long time?"/"Loyalty.”

“Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I’ll stay here anyway.”

“What street in France do reindeer live on?"/"Rue Dolph.”

“Why was Santa Claus sick?"/"He came down with the flue.”

“Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday”

“I met my wife on the net. We were bad trapeze artists”

“A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me. I thought, ‘That’s not very mature‘“

“Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday”

Whorespondent or Whorrespondent (whore + correspondent)

“How do you turn a T into a P?"/"Drink it.”

“If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?”

Hand Money Over (HMO nickname)

“How many NCAA players does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)

“What kind of food does your toe eat?"/"Dori-toes.”

“Don’t stress if someone says you are fat. You are bigger than that”

“How many NCAA players does it take to change a light bulb?” (joke)

“How do you know when Santa is in the room?"/"You can sense his presents.”

“Do you have reservations?"/"Yes, but I’ll eat here anyway.”

“I’m going to hire the same landscaper I used last year. He was easy to get a lawn with”

“What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?"/"Silent Night.”

“If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?”

“I made chili con carne from Scratch. I’ll miss Scratch. He was a good dog!”

“Food is just a tasty laxative”

“What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?"/"A pineapple.”

“If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?”

“Why did the teacher write on the window?"/"Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear.”

“Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?"/"She was on a crash diet.”

“What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?"/"Get out of my face.”

“A bad football team is like an old bra—no cups and very little support”

Fake Bureau of Investigation (Federal Bureau of Investigation or FBI nickname)

“What do Santa’s elves learn at school?"/"The elfabet.”

“How do you scare a snowman?"/"You get a hairdryer!”

“What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?"/"Looks like rain, dear.”

“Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?"/"Because he went down in History.”

“Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch” (joke)

“What do elves do after school?"/"Gnomework.”

“Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?"/"Because it soots him.”

“I actually have a lot of jokes about potatoes, I just don’t know where to starch”

“I work hard so my dog can have a better life”

“My new dog, Minton, just ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!”

“I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen”

“My parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called ‘Identity Theft‘“

“How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket 2) wait one minute”

True York City (true + New York City)

“When I accidentally bought the wrong type of bread, my day had gone a rye”

“How does a flat earther travel the world?"/"On a plane.”

“What do you call a rich elf?"/"Welfy.”

“Did Rudolph go to a regular school?"/"No, he was elf taught.”

“What do cows eat for breakfast?"/"Moosli.”

“What do you get from a cowmedian?"/"Cream of Wit!”

“What did the grape say to the peanut butter?"/“‘Tis the season to be jelly.”

“If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear”

“A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“What’s white and goes up?"/"A confused snowflake.”

“What do you drain your Brussels sprouts with at Christmas?"/"An Advent colander.”

“Employee of the Month is a good example of how a person can be a winner & loser at the same time”

“I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail”

“If you’re having trouble understanding fractions, don’t worry, our helpline is open 24/7”

“Ahmed walks into Abbar…” (bar joke)

“Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday?"/"In a ho-ho-hotel.”

“This is a terrible spell of wheather”

“Tetris taught me that when you try to fit in, you’ll disappear”

“Snow is like a man” or “Snow is like sex” or “Sex is like snow” (joke)

“Why did Santa’s little helpers sit outside the restaurant?"/"They wanted to eat elfresco.”

“Waiters bring a lot to the table”

“Upkeep of most Chinese restaurants is Lo Meintenance”

“Where does seaweed go to look for a job?"/"The Kelp Wanted section.”

“Where does seaweed go to look for a job?"/"The Kelp Wanted section.”

“What’s the worst thing to find in stockings at Christmas?"/"Your dad.”

“Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food?”

“Parking—an average sovereign”

“A ventriloquist walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. I’ve got back issues”

“I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, ‘Sorry, but I forgot what room I’m in‘“ (joke)

“What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?"/"A sad candy cane.”

“It cost me $500 to fly economy class. What a waste of money. I still know nothing about economics”

“It cost me $500 to fly economy class. What a waste of money. I still know nothing about economics”

“You can tell Santa is a man because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year”

“Just walked past a sign that read, ‘This fire door is alarmed‘“ (joke)

“Welcome to Twitter. Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly”

“Your govt. is imploding. Stay calm and make your way to nearest conspiracy theorist”

“I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. It would work much better on the front”

No Fan Left or No Fans Left (National Football League or NFL nickname)

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do enjoy the festive drinks. You could say I’m eggnogstic”

“It was so cold that I saw chickens lined up for KFC’s deep fryer”

“It was so cold that when we milked the cows, we got ice cream”

“What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?” (riddle)

“It was so cold that I chipped a tooth on my soup”

NFHell (NFL + hell)

Firegeddon (fire + Armageddon)

“My wife’s a peach—she has a heart of stone”

“Don’t promise when you’re happy, don’t reply when you’re angry, don’t decide when sad”

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