A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“Loud pipes saves lives” (6/19)
“What do you call a fake potato?"/"An imitater.” (6/19)
“What do you call fake potatoes?"/"Imitaters.” (6/19)
“How does gold get your attention?"/"It shouts Au!” (6/18)
“How do you get gold’s attention?"/"You yell Au.” (6/18)
More new entries...

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“I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players. The servers are currently down”

“Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?"/"It was time for his annual eggzam.”

“What do you call a Native American cook?"/"A Sioux chef.”

“Red wine is the best lip stain”

“If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say, ‘Not very good at maths‘“

“When I was in school a policeman came in & did a talk on drugs. I didn’t understand a word he said”

“Wine is the best lip stain”

“I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players. The servers are currently down”

“How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?”

“A tuba player walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty”

“The hardest part of bringing your lunch to work is resisting the temptation to eat it”

“Wine makes Wednesdays wonderful”

“Live every day like it’s Taco Tuesday”

“Feed me and tell me I’m pretty”

“I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves performance”

“A tuba player walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Unexpected side effect of Taco Tuesday? Wet Fart Wednesday”

“I run on caffeine, chaos and cuss words”

“Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds rad if you don’t know what either of these things are”

“I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words”

“I run on coffee and cuss words”

“Never trust a fat motivational speaker”

“What did the sandwich say to the doorman?"/"Please lettuce in.”

“Instead of saying ‘real life,’ we should just call it ‘offline‘“

“What do you call a fancy hotel that is hard to find?"/"The Waldo Astoria.”

“What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?"/"A URLologist.”

“I run on caffeine, cats and cuss words”

“I run on diesel, caffeine and cuss words”

“I run on diesel, caffeine and cuss words”

“I run on caffeine, grease, loud music and cuss words”

“Doing squats so my ass matches my sass”

“Do you have a bathroom?"/"No, we shit outside in the yard.”

“I saw trombone players at the park today. Couldn’t swing and kept complaining about the slide”

“I saw trombone players at the park today. Couldn’t swing and kept complaining about the slide”

“I think I’ve been eating too much salmon recently. I keep running up down escalators”

“Diner: Do you have a bathroom? Waiter: No, we go outside.”

“What kind of ants are very learned?"/"Pedants.”

“What do you call a vegan fighting style?"/"Tofu.”

“Tofu is really kung fu for toes”

“When the interviewer asked me to, ‘Describe myself in three words,’ I replied, ‘Efficient‘“

“What do tired line dancers do?"/"They line down.”

Kung Fu Tofu (Kung Pao tofu + kung fu)

“A group for cyclists who ignore red lights: ‘Cyclists Unable to Notice Traffic Signals‘“

“What do you call a vegan fighting style?"/"Tofu.”

“Tofu is really kung fu for toes”

“My boss said he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture. I’ve got a hunch it might be me”

“I can’t see an end, I have no control… Time for a new keyboard”

“If ‘sat’ is the past tense of the word ‘sit’, then the past tense of ‘fit’ should be ‘fat‘“

“I stumbled across a website for clumsy people”

“The faster I type in my password, the more secret agenty I feel”

“If ‘shat’ is the past tense of ‘shit’, then ‘fat’ must be the past tense of ‘fit‘“

“I always get pickle and chutney mixed up. It makes me chuckle”

“Yo mama is so ugly, the NHL banned her for life”

“Saturday—the day kids jump out of bed at 6am”

“How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?"/"Tell her a joke on Wednesday.”

“How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?"/"Tell her a joke on Friday.”

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step”

“A picture is worth a thousand words, but it will take longer to download”

“Why did the coffee get in trouble?"/"Because it was not tea.”

“How do you catch a drummer?"/"With a snare.”

“Science: If you don’t make mistakes, you’re doing it wrong”

“What do you say to a vegetarian in a coma?"/"You are what you eat.”

“A parking meter is a device that enables you to do two hours’ shopping in one”

“Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow”

“Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities”

“Computers can do more work than people because they never have to stop and answer the phone”

“Throwing acid is wrong—in some people’s eyes”

“There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe—call in sick”

“I’m on the third cheat year of my diet”

“Kicking sand on the beach is wrong, in some people’s eyes”

“At the university, I made videos of urine at different resolutions. I even got a pee HD”

“What is the definition of ‘derange’?"/"De place where de cowboys ride.”

“What kind of ant is good at math?"/"An accountant.”

“Trucks carrying beef and beans collided. It caused chili con carnage”

“Idioms are not my cup of tea”

“How do hens encourage their football teams?"/"They egg them on.”

“Where’s the cheese grater?"/"Some say France…”

“What’s the fastest way to transfer money?"/"Get married.”

“Why didn’t the dog want to play football?"/"It was a boxer.”

Cab Calloway’s “Hepster’s Dictionary” (1938, 1944)

“Idioms are not my cup of coffee”

“Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to core dump”

“Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very difficult?"/"Because X was always 10.”

“Three boxes govern the world” (ballot box, jury box, cartouch box)

“It’s a great day to curl up with a book, then ignore it because, ya know, the internet”

“Wednesday is like small Friday”

“What do you call a drunk humanitarian?"/"A philanthroPISSED.”

“Why did the piglets do badly in school?"/"They were all slow loiners.”

“Which Kebab do you want?"/"Kalmi maybe.”

“There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time‘“

“I bought an expensive ruler, just for good measure”

“Celery is the only food that has both ranch dressing and peanut butter as acceptable toppings”

“There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time‘“

“Since I changed my smartphone’s name to Titanic, it’s been syncing”

“Another day has passed and I didn’t use Algebra once”

“Tacos are just well-organized nachos”

“If a cop tells you to put your hands in the air, don’t wave them like you just don’t care”

“It’s Friday!!!! Sorry, just practicing for tomorrow”

“No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you’ve saved room for dessert”

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