A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“What is a brothel? Is it a soup factory?” (9/22)
“I’m not fat, I’m trans-slender” (9/21)
Translender (9/21)
“I’m fat, but I identify as skinny. I’m translender” (9/21)
“I’m fat, but I identify as skinny. I’m trans-slender” (9/21)
More new entries...

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“The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle of wine, but you should at least check”

“Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers”

“Let’s get drunk, make mistakes and blame it on the alcohol”

“Which knight kept King Arthur’s food fresh at the Round Table?"/"Sir Anrapp.”

“Which hotel do vegetables stay in for vacation?"/"The Radishon.”

“What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other?"/"Gluten tag.”

“The best preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today”

“I stayed at a vegan hotel last night. It was the Radishon”

“Be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the stress in you”

“Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn”

“Never stop learning because life never stops teaching”

“I was addicted to eating frozen poultry, but I quit cold turkey”

“Meditation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google”

“If you can tell the difference between work and play, you aren’t doing one of them right”

“If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past. If you lie, it becomes part of your future”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”

“Absinthe makes the fart grow stronger”

“Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you”

“Summer should get a speeding ticket”

“Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it’s inspiring”

“Where do steak fingers come from?"/"Cowhands.”

“Summer is over. Time to officially remember what day of the week it is”

“A falling leaf is summer’s wave goodbye”

“A fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer’s wave goodbye”

“Every empty bottle is filled with a great story”

“Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine”

“I still don’t understand what a wine stopper is for”

“I’m not a wiNO. I’m a wineYES!”

“Less Monday, more summer”

“Do more things that make you forget to check your phone”

“I’m not a wino, I’m a ‘why-yes‘“

“He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof”

“Don’t be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together”

“Be kind. Re-wine”

“My girlfriend said I wasn’t a true cockney, so I pushed her down the apples and oranges”

“Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning”

“Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision”

“Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision”

“I’ll never forget where I was when I heard that JFK was shot. Eighth grade history class”

“Why is it called sorting out your spice rack and not thyme management?”

“Raisins are just grape jerky”

“What do you call a homeless woodwind?"/"A hoboe.”

Capstone Cabal

“If Gladstone should fall into the Thames, that would be a misfortune…” (political joke)

“If it weren’t for dogs, some people would never go for a walk”

“It’s nice to see Blood oranges and Cripps apples side-by-side in harmony in produce”

“Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up”

“Behind every great kid is a parent who’s pretty sure they’re screwing it all up”

“When life gives you marmals, make marmalade”

“Ramps are just boneless stairs”

“Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change the toilet paper roll”

“Time is money. Money is power. Power is pizza. Pizza is knowledge”

“Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving”

“Voting is the slave’s suggestion box”

“Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?”

“Democracy is the suggestion box for slaves”

“Another fine day ruined by responsibility”

“Let exercise be your stress relief, not food”

“Let exercise be your stress reliever, not food”

“You are not fat. You have fat. There is a difference”

“You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails. You are not fingernails”

“You are not fat. You have fat. You also have toes. You are not toes”

“You are not fat. You have fat. ‘Fat’ does not define you”

“You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face”

“Never throw in the towel. Use it to wipe off the sweat. Then keep on going”

“How do you protect a valuable instrument?"/"Hide it in an accordion case.”

“Suck it up now so you don’t have to suck it in later”

“‘I see,’ said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw”

“My boss said to me, ‘You’re the worst train driver ever!‘“ (joke)

“Burritos are like blunts. If you can’t roll, get a bowl”

“Burritos are like blunts made out of food”

“I don’t want to. I don’t have to. You can’t make me. I’m retired”

“Not all who wander to the kitchen at midnight are lost”

“If you want to fly with the eagles, don’t swim with the ducks”

“Like a good neighbor, stay over there”

“I saw a sign that made me shit myself. It said, ‘Bathroom closed‘“

“I saw a sign that made me piss myself. It said, ‘Toilets closed‘“

“Warning: Does not play well with others before coffee”

Best Escape Anyone Can Have ("beach” backronym)

“Less Mondays, more summer”

“Sun’s out, buns out”

“Friends, sun, sand and sea, that sounds like a summer to me”

“In my defense, I was left unsupervised”

“Every summer has a story”

“Sunday is a day of rest. The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework…”

“Sunday is a teacher’s day of rest: the rest of the laundry and grade the rest of the papers”

“Girls just wanna have sun” ("Girls just want to have sun")

“Every summer has its own story (but mine is a novel)”

“If you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it”

“Don’t go broke trying to look rich”

“If you can count your money, work harder”

“Become so financially secure that you forget that it’s payday”

“If you can count your money, then go back to work”

“What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her bum?"/"Olive.”

“First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things”

“When you’re sick, the advice you get is to literally do drugs and stay out of school”

“Work out because you love your body, not because you hate it”

“If you can’t be happy, at least you can be drunk”

“Interviewer: Your resume says you used to be in the theatre” (joke)

“First I drink the coffee. Then I teach the kids”

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