Medicated Majority

“University is just like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you”

“A Swedish woman, two Swedish men, and another Swedish woman walk into ABBA…” (bar joke)

Lung Block

Oligarch’s Erection (432 Park Avenue)

“My wife dressed up as a nurse to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance”

“I got a rejection letter from the origami university today, I’m not sure what to make of it”

“I wasn’t sure whether I should get into the human trafficking business. But now I’m sold”

“Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking”

“Conspiracy Theorist: Nothing more than a derogatory title used to dismiss a critical thinker”

Ballot Harvesting

“War is when the government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out”

“I’ve combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it ‘Letter Rip’”

“Pretzels are dough knots”

“If sex for money makes you a hoe, does sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganization?”

“Deck the halls with matzo balls”

Slime Square (slime + Times Square)

Crime Square or Crimes Square (crime + Times Square)

The Deuce (42nd Street)

“Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?”/“He didn’t habanero.”

Gun City (gun + Fun City)

Quackarazzi (quack + paparazzi)

Little Caribbean (Flatbush, Brooklyn)

Little Dominican Republic (Washington Heights and Inwood)

“I like to put German wine in my cooking on an add hock basis”

Second City of the World

Motherfuckers Touching my Ass (Metropolitan Transportation Authority or MTA nickname)

“When the weatherman broke both arms and legs, he called about his four casts”

“Schrödinger’s Cash: When you don’t know how much is in your bank account”

Schrödinger’s Money

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th”

“The magic of Christmas never ends and its greatest of gifts are family and friends”

“Tis the season to be freezin’”

“People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves”

Suicide Pinnacle (observation balcony at Singer Building)

“Do Santa’s cookies pair well with white wine? Asking for a friend”

“Brunch is breakfast without an alarm clock”

“I went to Legoland last week. People were lined up for blocks”

Subpoena Cannon

“Distilled water is just cooked water”

“Fast food is an oxymoron”

“Going from vegetarian to vegan just left me irate, on reflection”

“Candy cane wishes and mistletoe kisses”

“My favorite color is Christmas lights”

Post-It Note Building (15 William Street)

“Merry everything and a happy always”

Easy Lay (Hotel Elysée nickname)

Eno’s Folly (Fifth Avenue Hotel nickname)

The Dollhouse (Barbizon Hotel for Women nickname)

Kissing Gallery or Kissing Room (Biltmore Room at Grand Central Terminal)

Happy Family (Chinese dish)

Dragon and Phoenix (Chinese dish of lobster/shrimp and chicken)

Four Seasons (Chinese dish of pork, shrimp, chicken and beef)

Hawaii Five-O (Chinese dish)

Triple Delight (Chinese dish of chicken, beef and shrimp)

Lake Tung Ting Shrimp (Chinese dish)

Crab Rangoon

Spaghetti Parm (Spaghetti Parmesan; Spaghetti Parmigiana)

Peanut Sticks (Peanut Stix)

Stinger (steak + chicken finger); Stinger Fries; Stinger Pizza; Stinger Taco

Pizza Logs & Apple Pie Logs

Apple Pie Logs & Pizza Logs

Neptune Platter or Neptune’s Platter (seafood platter)

Chicken French (Chicken Française; Chicken Francese); Veal French

Ugly Sticks or Ugli Sticks (breadsticks)

COB Pizza (cheese-on-bottom)

Yonkers: Sixth Borough (nickname)

Staten Island (cocktail)

Queens (cocktail)

“If you’ve never missed a plane, you’ve spent too much time in airports”

Hawaii Four-O (Chinese dish)

Rochester: Chicken French

Three Musketeers (Chinese dish of scallops/chicken, shrimp and beef)

Circuit Queen

Three-Cup Chicken or Three-Glass Chicken (San Bei Ji)

“One knee equals two feet” (football saying)

Author’s Row (Jane Street in West Village, Manhattan)

Pride of Midtown (FDNY Engine 54, Ladder 4, Battalion 9, at 48th Street and Eighth Avenue)