Gatsby (sandwich)

“I keep trying to buy a grocery checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”

“The feel of the wheel seals the deal” (car sales technique)

Puppy Dog Close (sales technique)

Balance Sheet Close (sales technique)

Wheeler’s Which Close (“Don’t ask if—ask which” sales technique)

“If I had a DeLorean, I’d probably only drive it from time to time”

“Stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone”

“Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust”

“Put a little money away every month and at the end of the year ...” (joke)

“I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?”/“McDonald’s ice cream machine.”

“A Texan and a Mexican walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow”

“The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3+ hours”

“Socialism takes, capitalism creates”

“Socialist: A person too stupid to know they are a communist”

“The director of EA walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“I’m well-prepared for a cashless society. Having kids already has me there”

“My mind is like an internet browser. I have 19 tabs open, 3 are frozen ...”

“Unattended children will be given an energy drink and taught to swear” (sign)

“What’s a communist’s favorite unit of time?”/“Hours.”

“Not all who wander are lost. They’re just looking for coffee”

“Throw me something, mister!” (Mardi Gras parade cry)

“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”

“I put my phone on airplane mode. Now it won’t stop calling me Shirley”

“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”

“Throw me something, sister!” (Mardi Gras parade cry)

“Why did the politician cross the road?”/“To get to the other bribe.”

Shammgod or El Latigo or The Whip (one-handed crossover basketball dribble)

“Why did the politician cross the road?”/“To collect the $300 travel allowance.”

Irish Turkey (corned beef and cabbage)

Spokane (pork and beans)

Joe O’Malley (Irish coffee)

First Lady (spare ribs)

“‘I’ll have a hot dog,’ Tom said frankly”

“Why is it hard to play hide and seek inside a Chinese restaurant?”/“The ducks are always Peking.”

Dining Room Lumber (toothpick)

“We don’t hide the crazy. We parade it down the street”

“Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy. We parade it on the porch and give it a cocktail”

“Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy. We parade it on the porch and give it sweet tea”

“We don’t hide crazy. We parade it in the streets and hang some beads on it”

“Homes are where jobs go at night”

“Scallops are the marshmallows of the sea”

“Money is something you got to make in case you don’t die”

Bagel Beach (Seventh Avenue between 53rd and 54th Streets)

Delicatessen Drive (Seventh Avenue between 53rd and 54th Streets)

Bagel Beach (sidewalk in front of the Stage Delicatessen)

“Waiter, how come there are no chairs at our table?”/“I’m sorry, but you only booked one table.”

“I was massively overcharged for a jelly this morning. It was daylight wobbly”

Graveyard Stew (milk toast)

Brass Band With a Leader (pork and beans)

OJ (orange juice)

Sweet Water Chemist (soda jerk)

JD (chocolate milk)

Sweet Alice (milk)

“Scientists turn back time and end up with ‘emit’”

“Stay alert. Don’t get hurt” (safety slogan)

“To have and to hold and to keep your beer cold” (koozie saying)

“To have and to hold and to keep your drink cold” (koozie saying)

“What do you call a $1,000 door?”/“A grand entrance.”

“Making partner is like a pie-eating contest where the prize is more pie”

“Be alert. Don’t get hurt” (safety slogan)

“Academia is like a pie-eating contest where the reward is more pie”

“Eat like no one is going to see you naked”

“The comeback is always stronger than the setback”

“There are only two places you should never attempt a drop pass—home and away” (hockey adage)

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes”

“Good teams win. Great teams cover” (sports adage)

“Don’t wait to buy real estate. Buy real estate and wait”

“I got a new job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there soon”

“Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes”

Red Mike and Violets (corned beef and cabbage)

Violets (cabbage)

“What do you call a snake who loves dessert?”/“A piethon.”

“The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are derivative, trig jokes are too graphic…”

“What kind of fire leaves a room damp?”/“A humidifire.”

“An anti-Semite is someone who hates Jews more than is strictly necessary”

“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!” (joke)

Little Dubai (Hudson Yards in Manhattan)

Utica: Handshake City (nickname)

Granville: Colored Slate Capital of the World (nickname)

“Food makers really missed an opportunity not calling vegetarian meatballs ‘Vegtaballs’”

“Live in New York, leave before you become hard. Live in California, leave before you become soft”

Dubai on the Hudson (Hudson Yards)

“Amateurs teach amateurs to be amateurs”

“May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends beneath it never fall out”

“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!”

“The police say they burn all the weed they confiscate. That would explain the doughnuts”

“Pico de gallo is just guacamole without avocado”

“I saw a sign on the train saying, ‘Please give this seat to an elderly person’” (joke)

“Mother Nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges”

“My dad was a workaholic. Every time someone mentioned work, he got drunk”

“Oranges are pre-sliced by nature”

Irish Grape (potato)

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn”

“I watched a movie about graphs. The special f(x) were terrible”

“Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy”

“Pizza rolls not gender roles”

“Cinnamon rolls not gender roles”

“Sushi rolls not gender roles”