A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“The government offered to buy my guns from me…” (joke) (9/17)
“Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius” (9/17)
Maccy D’s (McDonald’s nickname) (9/17)
Hellyweird (hell + weird + Hollywood) (9/17)
Entry forthcoming (9/17)
More new entries...

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“What’s the deal with airplane food?”

“The New York Times is the official leak of the State Department”

“The New York Times is the official leak of the State Department”

“Go hard or go home” (motivational saying)

“We cater to cowards” (dentist office sign)

“Go big or go home” (motivational saying)

City of Yes (New Orleans nickname)

Buffalo: City of No Illusions (nickname)

Buffalo: City of Light (nickname)

Buffalo: Buffalove (Buffalo + love)

“Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?” (joke)

Big Apple Movie (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1981-1986)

Big Apple Minute (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1980-1987)

Big Apple Minute (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1980-1987)

Big Apple Movie (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1981-1986)

“Like painting the George Washington Bridge” (never-ending)

Sharks (Long Island University teams)

“What does a Broadway actor do when he has the flu?"/"Eight shows a week.”

“You can kiss my ass in Macy’s window”

“What do we want?"/"Time travel!"/"When do we want it?"/"It’s irrelevant!”

“If you can’t find it on Fifth Avenue, it probably isn’t worth finding”

“Red, white and barbecue”

“Ranch dressing is a blessing”

Buffalo: Electric City of the Future (nickname)

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Thanks a melon” (thanks a million + melon)

Bull Dyke or Bulldyker (dyke or dike); Bulldyking

“Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

“I prefer my kale with a silent ‘k‘“

“I’d tell you an economics joke, but there’s not enough demand”

“Red, white and brew”

“If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere”

“Why did the amoeba flunk the math test?"/"Because it multiplied by dividing.”

“With ice cream, anything is popsicle”

“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places”

“Success is outliving your failures”

“Skiiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill”

“Anything is popsicle when I’m with you”

“The Royal Albert Hall is the only place a modern composer can hear his music twice”

“Where do cauliflowers grow?"/"Caulifornia.” (cauliflower + California)

“Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving”

“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you”

“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance”

“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again”

“A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral and inadequate”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead”

“A leadoff walk always scores” (baseball adage)

“Dress for the fall, not for the ride” (motorcycle adage)

“Dressage horses dance really well for having two left feet”

“You’re the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi…worthless”

“How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?”

“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be”

“There is one advantage to having nothing—it never needs repair”

“Every adult needs a child to teach—it’s the way adults learn”

“Never accept a drink from a urologist”

“Coffee: Because anger management is too expensive”

“Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m off to the police station to look at mug shots”

“Modern man is frantically trying to earn enough to buy things he’s too busy to enjoy”

CRS Disease (Can’t Remember Shit)

“Swing. Swear. Look for ball. Repeat” (golf saying)

“A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army”

“An optimist is a person who has no trouble seeing the bright side of your problems”

“Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity”

“Victory is a thousand times sweeter when you’re the underdog”

“A gig is worth ten rehearsals” (music adage)

“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time”

CLT (chicken, lettuce and tomato)

“Horses can’t read the tote board” (horse racing adage)

Ban Collie Day (bank holiday)

“If it’s the elbow, call the surgeon. If it’s the shoulder, call the preacher” (baseball adage)

“The best ability is availability”

“Why do barrel racers have to be cremated?"/"Because the ground’s never good enough.”

“It’s Question Period, not Answer Period”

“Live every day like it’s summer Friday”

“What does a nosey pepper do?"/"It gets jalapeño business!”

“Live every day like it’s a summer Friday”

“Live every Friday like it’s a summer Friday”

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch”

“For every Rich Tea biscuit, there are currently thousands of tea biscuits living in poverty”

Hogtown (Toronto, Canada nickname)

“We are writers my love. We don’t cry. We bleed on paper”

“I’m a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story”

“I’m a writer. If I seem cold, it’s because I’m surrounded by drafts”

“Why do writers constantly feel cold?"/"Because they’re surrounded by drafts.”

“Waiting for inspiration to write is like standing at the airport waiting for a train”

“Every corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person”

“They sure don’t make time machines like they’re going to!”

“Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage”

Plandid (planned + candid)

“But first, iced coffee”

“OK, but first iced coffee”

“OK, but first coffee”

“The patriarchy isn’t going to smash itself”

“The patriarchy isn’t going to fight itself”

“The patriarchy isn’t going to fuck itself”

Neapolitan Ice (Neapolitan Ice Cream)

Rest In Power (RIP)

“In most cases, cell phones won’t crack when you drop them”

“You know you’re good friends with someone when you know your way around their kitchen”

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