A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
Grammar Nazi (7/16)
TINA (There Is No Alternative) (7/16)
“At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill. Got weird looks, so I started jogging instead” (7/16)
“The person who would proof read Hitler’s speeches was a grammar Nazi” (7/16)
“I went to the grocery store. The sign said ‘no food or drink inside.’ So I went home” (7/16)
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“Candy is dandy, but wine is divine”

Mum In Love with Fitness (MILF)

Mother In Love with Fitness (MILF)

Mom In Love with Fitness (MILF)

“An idea is just a dream until you write it down, and then it’s a goal”

“Wine is divine”

Hallowine (Halloween + wine)

N.Y.C. The Big Apple (Atari video game, 1984)

“Bold stripes, bright stars, brave hearts”

“In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry” (joke)

“You have to put off being young until you can retire”

“I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to sleep with me…” (joke)

“It was so cold in New York that, in Central Park, I saw a squirrel salting his nuts”

“It was so hot in New York that I saw squirrels fanning their nuts”

“Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off”

“Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off”

“Old card players never die—they just shuffle away”

“Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!” (joke)

“I saw a movie on databases today. Can’t wait for the SQL”

“Hey there, Delilah. What’s it like in New York City?”

Jassack (jackass)

Jassack Band (Jackass Band; Jazzack)

“Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, but not fire. Fire works”

“What do you get when you mix holy water with vodka?"/"The holy spirit.”

“A blackberry is a goth raspberry”

“Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?"/"Swarm.”

“I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had”

“Unsweetened tea isn’t actually unsweetened, it’s non-sweetened”

“The parking lot at clown school must be really small”

“What do you get hanging from apple trees?"/"Sore arms.”

“Winning without honor, is worse than a resounding defeat”

“Education is not the answer to the question. Education is the means to the answer to all questions”

“Dad, can you do my math homework for me?"/"No, son, it wouldn’t be right.”

“Winning without honor is worse than a loss”

“Have you heard about the guy who bowled three hundred and one?” (joke)

“Intelligence is like underwear—have it, but don’t show it off”

“What’s the difference between a king and a bartender?"/"One reigns and the other pours.”

Pickle Boat

British Invasion (Broadway in the 1950s; rock and roll music in the 1960s)

“Kiss my ace” (tennis/volleyball/cardplaying saying)

“Fog in Channel; Continent Cut Off” (UK newspaper headline joke)

“Threw some butter at my coworkers today. They said I should try Anchor management”

“Where do horses live?"/"In a neigh-borhood.”

“What happens when someone steals uranium?"/"It becomes theiranium.”

“How do you break into a house?"/"Intruder window.”

“I walked in on my wife yelling that she hated low lying clouds…” (joke)

“Come to the dark side. We have cookies”

Saratoga: “Pearly gates of horse racing” (Saratoga Race Course)

“What’s the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger?” (joke)

“Fog in Channel; Continent Isolated” (UK newspaper headline joke)

Saratoga: “Heaven’s nice, but it ain’t Saratoga” (joke)

“My friends and I experimented with drugs and sex in high school. I was part of the control group”

“My uncle used to carry a trifle in the army. He was a desserter”

“I used to be a trapeze artist, but I was let go”

“I just bought a film with 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated DVD”

“When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey…she’s a keeper”

“Damn girl, are you a Reddit user?” (joke)

“Food before one is just for fun”

“You can’t spell earth without art”

“It used to be called ‘House Depot’ until they filled it with love”

“You can’t spell heart without art”

“Some girls climb the ladder of success wrong by wrong”

“Football never stops”

“I stop the microwave with 1 second to go so I can feel like a bomb disposal expert”

“You know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy? Cookies don’t do that”

“You can’t spell paint without pain”

“I can’t believe I got arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just doing nothing”

“You can’t spell painting without pain”

“Man goes in a pub…” (bar joke)

“Man goes into a bar…” (bar joke)

“Some like it hot, some like it cold” (Pease Porridge Hot or Pease Pudding Hot)

“Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like a pauper” (food adage)

“Why don’t you come up and see me sometime?” (Mae West)

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted” (Mae West)

“Wood fired pizza? How will pizza get a job now?”

“I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get”

Museum of Fine Foods (Dean & DeLuca nickname)

Big Apple of New England (Johnny Appleseed Visitors Center)

“I believe in censorship—I made a fortune out of it” (Mae West)

“I feel like doin’ a big apple” (Mae West as Eve, talking about the Big Apple dance)

“I feel like doin’ a big apple” (Mae West on a 1937 radio show)

“A friend doesn’t go on a diet when you are fat”

“If you’ve gained weight and nobody wants to mention it, you are the elephant in the room”

“Humanity runs on coffee”

“Success doesn’t come to you. You go to it”

Knuckle Sandwich (punch in the mouth)

“If people make you sick, then maybe you should cook them longer”

“A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat”

“My colleagues at work have given me the nickname ‘Mr. Compromise‘“ (joke)

“Never judge a pitch until both sides have batted on it” (cricket adage)

“I named my eraser Confidence. Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make”

“My nerdy friend got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. He is now known as ‘Dr. Awkward‘“

“I can eat sugar with either hand. I’m ambidextrose”

“What’s a cowboy’s favorite holiday?"/"Y’alloween.” (y’all + Halloween)

“I owe it all to art books, chocolate and young men” (Beatrice Wood)

Chip Butty

Bum Rap (undeserved criminal punishment)

“Yankee, go home!”

“What’s a web designer’s favorite tea?"/"URL Grey.”

“What did they call the loudest knight of all?"/"Sir Roundsound.”

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