“I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they’re sending me threatening letters”

“I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it”

“What do you get if you divide 22 sheep with 7 collies.”/“Shepherd’s pi.”

“Military chefs are literally serving their country”

“People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside”

“Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight over the last slice of pizza”

“There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know”

Mae West (life preserver jacket)

FUBAR (Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition)

SNAFU (Situation Normal—All Fouled Up)

JANFU (Joint Army Navy Foul-Up)

“Your Broadway and Mine” (Walter Winchell poem)

“I put ketchup in my eyes today. In Heinzsight, it was a bad idea”

Catholic Intelligence Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

“How do you know if someone is hitchhiking or just complimenting your driving?”

Iowa: I Oughta Went Around (backronym)

“I’m looking for a tall, dark, rich cup of coffee”

“Make some coffee and own the day”

“Change the world. Start with coffee”

“Coffee owns me, and I’m fine with that”

“Our printing press is the internet. Our coffee houses are social networks”

“Drink coffee and do good”