A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
“Thank you, ATM fees, for allowing me to buy my own money” (3/27)
“Anyone else boil the kettle twice? Just in case the boiling water has gone cold…” (3/27)
“Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
20-20-20 Rule (for eyes) (3/27)
More new entries...

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“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it”

“A blind person was eating seafood. It didn’t help”

“Can a blind person eat seafood?”

Mutton-chop Whiskers

“Teacher—The only job that makes you reconsider all future names for your children”

“Everyone hates millennials until it’s time to convert a PDF into a Word document”

“If having dogs has taught me anything, it’s how to eat cookies VERY quietly”

“Everyone hates millennials until they need help on the computer”

“Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong”

“Describe yourself in three words.”/“Lazy.”

“I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get…you know…Oreos”

Just Dumb (“J.D.” backronym)

“I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159. Then it just CLIX”

“Up your butt and around the corner”

Fandom

“I drink lots of water. Filtered water. Filtered through coffee grounds…”

“I drink a ton of water. Filtered water. Filtered through coffee grounds…”

“Okey dokey” (“Okie dokie”); “Okey doke”

“I drink a lot of water. Filtered water. Filtered through coffee grounds…”

“Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?” (cheer)

“When you buy Halloween candy as an adult, you’re paying for free candy you got as a kid”

“My grandad committed suicide by eating the entire 88 keys on a piano. He didn’t leave a note”

“I am writing a book. It is called ‘I have a job’. It is a working title”

“No man is a failure who has friends” (proverb)

Miss Canada

“Ten-hut!” or “A-ten-hut!” (“attention” command)

“A-ten-hut!” or “Ten-hut!” (“attention” command)

“Not worth a tinker’s dam” (“Not worth a tinker’s damn”)

“Not worth a tinker’s damn” (“Not worth a tinker’s dam”)

“I ate the exam paper. Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test”

Chicken Tetrazzini

Ham Tetrazzini

Turkey Tetrazzini

Watergate Cake

Watergate Salad

“A leader must inspire or his team will expire”

“Trust is like a paper. once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect again”

“Channel the flannel” (winter saying)

“It’s not fall without football” (autumn saying)

Largely Incompetent Rail Road (Long Island Rail Road or LIRR nickname)

“Burglars please carry ID so we can notify next of kin”

“Attention Thieves: Please carry ID so we can notify next of kin”

“Warning: My alarm tells me you’re in my house. My gun tells me not for long”

Deadpan (Dead-pan)

“What was Icarus’ least favorite food?”/“Hot wings.”

Caramel Macchiato

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