A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
Entry in progress—BP (8/9)
“The three C’s of life: Choice. Chance. Change. You must make the choice to take the chance” (8/9)
Mask Mouth (8/9)
Entry in progress—BP (8/9)
“If a supervisor at work gets the covid, do the people who kiss that ass need to be tested?” (8/9)
More new entries...

A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z


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“Reasons why fall is #1:…bugs have returned to hell where they belong”

“According to my nipples, there’s a ninety-nine percent chance it’s cold as fuck outside”

“According to my nipples, summer’s over”

“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner”

“I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives”

“People who think that Canadians are more polite have never been to a minor league hockey game”

“Many great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow”

“According to my nipples, there’s a 99% chance it’s cold as fuck outside”

“According to my nipples, summer is over”

“According to my nipples, spring isn’t here yet”

“Ten years ago, I swore I would give up drinking whilst I’m at work. I haven’t touched a job since”

“Why is it called a strip mall when there aren’t any strippers?”

GAFI (Grab Ankles For Israel)

Thirst Trap (Thirst Trapping)

Thirst Trapping (Thirst Trap)

“You put it down like New York City. I never sleep”

“My stomach is flat. The ‘L’ is just silent”

“My stomach is flat. The ‘L’ is silent”

“Yoga is spending an hour trying not to fart”

“Create! Don’t hate” ("Don’t hate. Create")

“Don’t hate. Create” ("Create! Don’t hate")

“I sell pies from my car. $2 for apple, $3 for pumpkin. These are the pie rates of the car I be in”

“I used to think that sticks and stones could break my bones but words could never hurt me…”

“Sixteen wives: four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer” (joke)

“I’m calling in sick because of an eye problem. I can’t see myself coming in to work”

Saratoga: “Health, History, Horses” (slogan)

Mallsoleum (mall + mausoleum)

“If it don’t apply, let it fly” ("If it doesn’t apply, let it fly")

“If it doesn’t apply, let it fly” ("If it don’t apply, let it fly")

“Keep your friends close and your glass of wine closer”

“What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?"/"A leap year.”

“What is a kangaroo’s favorite year?"/"A leap year.”

“On top of the News, ahead of the Times” (New York Newsday slogan)

“Five bores and a sadist” (political committee composition)

“This town ain’t big enough for the both of us”

“The reason there’s a February 29 is because it takes a full day to explain what a leap year is”

“Six bores and a sadist” (political committee composition)

“Ever since I started a routine of jogging at midnight I have been running late”

“Olive Garden is the Italian version of Applebee’s”

“May your coffee be strong and your Sunday be long”

“May your coffee be strong and your students be calm”

“May your coffee be strong and your students be calm” (teacher saying)

“Lashes long and coffee strong”

“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of those who threaten it”

“Breadcrumbs are toast confetti”

“Yesterday’s meatloaf is tomorrow’s sloppy joe”

“If you call me from a private number, I will respect your privacy and not answer”

“I still have a landline, or as I like to call it, ‘a cell phone finder‘“

“We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer”

“Has there ever been a meat product that claimed it tastes like vegetables?”

“TurboTax is the worst computer game ever”

“I whispered because I didn’t want Zuckerberg to hear us. She laughed. I laughed. Siri laughed”

“What snacks do cannibals love?"/"Fritos.”

“Remember when teachers used to say, ‘You won’t have a calculator everywhere you go’?”

“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden”

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down”

“A real friend never gets in your way—unless you happen to be on the way down”

Decafitation (decaf + decapitation)

“Always together, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”

“True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”

“How do you kill a coffee bean?"/"By decaf-itation.”

“There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family”

“Why did the medium cross the road?"/"To speak to the other side.”

“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”

“Every room is an escape room if you’re drunk enough”

“Every room is an escape room when you’re an introvert”

“Every room is an escape room when you have anxiety”

“Every room is an escape room if you’re dumb enough”

“Every room is an escape room for a toddler”

“Friends forever, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”

“Together forever, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”

“Best friends forever, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart”

“What’s a thousand times better than Instagram?"/"Instakilogram.”

“Noodles are slimy bread yarn”

“You don’t need committees to solve things. Just find two women on an evening fitness walk”

“I hate when I don’t forward a chain letter, and then I die the next day”

“Turbulence is the pot hole of the sky”

“Gym? I thought you said gin”

“How often do planes crash?"/"Just once.”

“How often does a plane crash?"/"Only once.”

“Gym? I thought you said gin”

“Spilling coffee is the adult equivalent of losing your balloon”

“Turbulence is the pothole of the sky”

“Spaghetti is just slimy bread yarn”

“My friend phoned that he’s changing his name to ‘Spinal Column.’ I said, ‘Can I call you back?‘“

“There is never a line for the restroom at a waterpark”

“There is never a line to the urinal at a water park”

“Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon”

“Spilling your glass of wine is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon”

“Spilling wine is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon”

“Spilling your full glass of wine is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon”

“Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon”

“Spilling your beer is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon”

“Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent to losing a balloon”

“Spilling coffee is the adult equivalent to losing a balloon”

“Spilling a drink is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon”

“The adult version of ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ is ‘glasses, wallet, keys and phone‘“

“Never trust a poor economist”

“May your coffee be strong and your lashes be long”

“May your coffee be strong, your lashes be long, and your Monday be short”

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