A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“What vaccine did Doctor Strange take?"/"Astral-Zeneca.” (12/5)
Entry in progress—BP (12/5)
Entry in progress—BP (12/5)
Entry in progress—BP (12/5)
Entry in progress—BP (12/5)
More new entries...

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“My friend has just passed his master’s degree in salad studies. He now has lettuce after his name”

“My friend is a qualified greengrocer. He has lettuce after his name”

“Yes, break-ups suck, but have you ever left your to-go box on the table at a restaurant?”

“That awful moment when you realize you left your to-go box on the table at the restaurant”

“Radio stations will interrupt the music to let you know the music is uninterrupted”

“I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce”

“My idea of a super bowl is a large bowl of guacamole”

“Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job. Now he’s just a handyman”

“I’m not going outside until the temperature is above my age”

“I’m not going outside until temperature is above my age”

“I am not going outside until the temperature is above my age”

“Noses are red, fingers are blue, I’m sick of winter. How about you?”

“Noses are red, fingers are blue, I’m tired of winter. How about you?”

“I love doing crunches. If by ‘doing crunches’ you mean ‘eating chips‘“

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches”

“If by “crunches” you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes, I do crunches”

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes I do crunches”

“Excuse me, how do I get to a hospital quickly?"/"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while.”

“Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp”

“I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday”

“You ever hit a pothole so hard you apologize to your car?”

“Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I’m not used to consuming wine in pill form”

“I’ll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please”

“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth”

“Pretty rude that it’s not Friday, but ok”

“Grape: Wine in pill form”

“Stop taking Facebook so seriously. Most of your likes are coming from people on the toilet”

“Coffee is the best Monday motivation”

“Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?"/"Because he saw what happened to the zebra.”

“Why didn’t the donkey cross the road?"/"Because he saw what happened to the zebra.”

Saratoga: Queen of the Spas (nickname)

“Weekends used to feel like mini vacations. Now they feel like the minute boxers get”

“When we grow up, checking for monsters under the bed becomes checking our bank accounts”

“Dogs prepare you for babies. Cats prepare you for teenagers”

“As an adult, checking the bank account is the equivalent of checking for monsters under the bed”

Saratoga: Queen of American Spas (nickname)

“A dog prepares you for kids. A cat prepares you for teenagers”

“Hard shell tacos survive the factory, delivery trucks and the store, but…”

“Have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better?”

“Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid”

“I want to open a two dollar store for people that enjoy the finer things”

“You never realize how bumpy a road is until you try to write something”

“It’s impossible to run with a backpack without looking like an idiot”

“You never realize how bumpy a road is until you try to take a drink of something”

“Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot”

“Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim”

“I’ve decided to start calling my toilet Jim instead of John. I go to the Jim every morning”

“You know your life is boring when you only wear work clothes and bed clothes”

“Got up this morning and ran around the block 5 times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block”

“Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without caffeine”

“Home is where you trust the toilet seat”

“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot”

“My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Blues, and Altered” (joke)

“Home is where you can trust the toilet seat is clean before you sit down”

“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is an idiot”

“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot”

“I call myself terms and conditions because y’all keep ignoring me”

“Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonald’s fries”

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce before”

“Never kick me when I’m down, because when I get back up…you’re f-cked”

“What’s the best way to cook alligator?"/"In a crockpot.”

“If you kick me when I’m down, you better pray I don’t get up”

Disenfrenchfries (disenfranchise + french fries)

“Going back to your ex is like reheating your McDonald’s fries”

“Time to get up and get going. Today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves”

“January was a tough year, but we made it through”

“Just had my car waxed. No idea how it gets so hairy”

“Never underestimate a woman with a crock-pot and a can of cream of something soup”

“Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?”

“A job is more than a paycheck. It’s also a place where you cry in the bathroom”

“Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing. Dancing leads to slipping…”

“When you get older you form very strong opinions on different varieties of apples”

“My job is more than just a paycheck. It’s a place I go and cry in the bathroom”

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