Flubro (flu + brother)

“Chicken nuggets are meatballs”

“Because of the huge increase in deliveries, FedEx and UPS merged and are now Fed-Up”

“Had too much wine last night. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa”

“Why are people so tired on April 1st?”/“Because they just finished a 31-day March.”

“Married men told their wives, ‘I’ll do that when I have the time’” (quarantine joke)

“What does a pear tree do before growing its fruit?”/“It pre-pears.”

Coronageddon (coronavirus + Armageddon)

Lierus (lie + virus)

Lirus (lie + virus)

Coronial (someone conceived during the time of the coronavirus)

“It happened! I finally got laid…... Off”

“Whoever said one person can’t change the world never ate an undercooked bat”

“I asked a Walmart worker where I could find the nuts. He said they’re in the toilet paper aisle”

“Relish is just pickle salsa”

“Anyone else’s car getting 3 weeks to the gallon?” (quarantine joke)

“When you work from home, all work is homework”

“Biggest waste of money: my 2020 planner” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

“Now I know why dogs get so excited to go for walks”

“I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my sarcasm”

“Glad I didn’t waste my money buying a planner for 2020” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

“You know people think you are tall AND fat if they ask if you play football instead of basketball”

“If you’re homeschooled, all your work is homework”

“My car is getting 3 weeks to a gallon” (quarantine joke)

Quaranchild (quarantine + child)

“I might sleep in the spare bedroom tonight and pretend I’m in a hotel” (quarantine joke)

Quaranadult (quarantine + adult)

“I hear the monastery is laying off workers. All nun essential staff are gone”

“COVID-19 hit during allergy season. I can’t tell if I have 5 days to live or need to take Claritin”

Quaranchildren (quarantine + children)

“This Quarantine is getting old. So old, in fact, that is it starting to become a Quaranadult”

“How do Indian restaurants stay open without their naan essential staff?”

“How do dancers ensure job continuity during the Covid crisis?”/“They twerk from home.”

“Who called them dad jokes instead of pop corn?”

“Children born 9 months from now should be referred to as ‘children of the quarn’”

“Social distancing is boring. ‘Exiled for the good of the realm’ sounds much more interesting”

“Who called them dad jokes instead of popcorn?”

“The buttons on my jeans have started social distancing from each other”

“It’s like I’m 16 again. $5 is gas money & we all grounded” (quarantine joke)

“Turns out my three hobbies are eating at restaurants, shopping at nonessential businesses…”

“Quarantine Day 20: Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind by just staring at it”

“Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?”/“Too many handshakes.”

“I bought a knife that can cut through four loaves of bread at once. It’s a four loaf cleaver”

Coronapocalypse (coronavirus + apocalypse)

“I’ve spent 2 weeks hanging out with myself and i am so sorry to every person i spent time with”

“99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people”

NY Pause (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

Quarantine Coffee

“In 20 years, this country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers”

“I got so pissed last night, I don’t remember getting home from the kitchen” (quarantine)

“It started with a bat, went quickly to toilet paper… We’ve all gone bat, shit, crazy”

“Wear your mask at home. This is not to avoid the virus. It’s to avoid the constant eating”

“I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic” (joke)

“What is muffins spelled backwards?”/“Exactly what you do when you take them out the oven.”

“If they had just called it ‘the stay at home challenge’ and posted it on social media…”

“Coronavirus & allergy season: I don’t know if I should buy Zyrtec or turn myself in to the CDC”

“Everything is closing so I’m opening a strip club/breakfast diner/daycare: Tits, Grits & Babysits”

“‘Muffins’ spelled backwards is ‘Sniffum’”

“Churches and the casinos are closed. When heaven and hell both agree on something…it’s serious”

“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personality”

“Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg”

“Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday,  otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday”

“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personalities”

“Bologna is a hot dog for people who like pancakes”

“Grocery shopping has become a real life version of PAC-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit”

“Why is an empty champagne bottle like an orphan?”/“Because it has lost its pop.”

“Quarantine has really showed me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”

“The drop in fuel prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”

“2020 has shown me you don’t need fun to have alcohol”

“Bologna is just a flat hot dog”

“Bologna is just a hot dog pancake”

“The drop in petrol price during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”

“The drop in gas prices during this lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”

“Anyone else starting to get a tan from the light in your refrigerator?”

“They say you can’t fix stupid. Turns out you can’t quarantine it, either”

“My mailbox is under quarantine. Not accepting bills at this time”

“I wish I was rich enough to eat out all the time like the homeless do”

“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of a sick person. Tyranny…of a healthy person”

“Popcorn is probably just as unique as snowflakes”

“Gonna ask my momma if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table”

“Not to brag, but we haven’t been late for anything in over two weeks”

“Quarantine is when you lock down the sick. Tyranny is when you lock down the healthy”

“Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people. Tyranny…of healthy people”

“You thought dogs were hard to train? Look at all the humans who can’t sit and stay”

“Bumping elbows is the new first base”

“Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over”

“Standing less than 6 feet apart is the new first base”

“Good morning, inmates” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic quarantine)

“Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?”/“Because she went to woo Han.”

“Taking a girl’s mask off is the new first base”

“Let’s not tell some people when the quarantine is over”

“Why can’t China play cricket?”/“They keep eating their bats.”

“Porn gives people an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber will get to your house”

“Shaking hands is the new first base”

“I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits” (joke)

“Overslept this morning, was late getting to the living room”

“If you keep a beer in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face”

“If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face”

“Adulthood has showed me that you really don’t need fun to have alcohol”

“If you keep a drink in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face”