A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
“Thank you, ATM fees, for allowing me to buy my own money” (3/27)
“Anyone else boil the kettle twice? Just in case the boiling water has gone cold…” (3/27)
“Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
20-20-20 Rule (for eyes) (3/27)
More new entries...

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“Always ask for a receipt. You may need an alibi”

“Adding ‘showed up to work during the apocalypse’ to my résumé”

“Always ask for a receipt because you never know when you’ll need an alibi”

“DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn’t work”

“You are not a loan”

“Macs are for those who don’t want to know why their computer works”

“Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works”

“The world does not owe you anything. You are not a loan”

“Windows is for those who don’t want to know why their computer doesn’t work”

“Where have you been?”/“Good employees are hard to find.”

“If you’re ever feeling useless, remember that bags of ice have nutritional information”

“Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars”

“A gun in the hand is better than two cops on the phone”

“Fish n’ chips should always come with tartar sauce. It’s basically codified law”

“I’d rather have a gun in the hand than a cop on the phone”

“A gun in the hand beats a cop on the phone”

“A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone”

“I’d rather have a gun in my hand than a cop on the phone”

“A gun in the hand is worth the entire police force on the phone”

“A gun in the hand is worth more than the entire police force on the phone”

“A man walks into a bar and asks for a Corona and two Hurricanes…” (bar joke)

“It’s no longer 5 o’clock somewhere. It’s 2020 everywhere, so drink whenever you want”

“If anybody needs copies of Osteopath Weekly, I have back issues”

“I’m adding ‘showed up for work during the apocalypse’ to my résumé”

“What do you call a killing before yoga practice?”/“A pre-meditated murder.”

“A man walks into a bar in New Orleans…” (bar joke)

“Somewhere, someone is showering with a mask on. I just know it”

“No recommended daily amount of fish oil has been codified”

“If anyone needs copies of Osteopath Monthly, I have back issues”

“The truth will set you free. Except on Facebook, where it will get you a 30-day ban”

“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

“Tables are for eating customers only” (restaurant sign)

“I love smoothies. They’re so much nicer than hairies”

“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?”

“Restroom is for eating customers only” (restaurant sign)

“Does social distancing tack on six additional feet to each active restraining order?”

“My head gets cold at the drop of a hat”

“Bathroom is for eating customers only” (restaurant sign)

“Parking is for eating customers only” (restaurant sign)

“Social distancing is like a restraining order for everyone against everyone”

“Does It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle” (“diarrhoea” backronym)

“In France, they applaud meringue, but in Australia, they boo meringue”

“I’ve been social distancing for years…mostly because of restraining orders”

“Diarrhoea Is A Really Runny Heap Of Endless Amounts” (“diorrhoea” backronym)

“Dining In A Rough Restaurant: Hurry, Otherwise Expect Accidents” (“diarrhoea” backronym)

“How did the banker die?”/“He cashed out.”

“Doesn’t It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle” (“diarrhoea” backronym)

“No One Under 21 Must Have ID” (business sign)

“He could rescue a child from drowning and you’d accuse him of starving the sharks” (meme)

“Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a very bad idea”

“What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine?”/“A quarterback.”

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