A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

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“Some cool photos of all the places I visited in 2020” (quarantine joke)

Texcation (Texas + vacation)

“It’s time to take the warning labels off of everything and let stupidity work itself out”

“Mercury, closest planet to the sun, -173 degrees Celsius at night. First world problems”

“Hyperbole is the worst figure of speech in the multiverse”

“Hyperbole is the worst thing ever!”

“Hyperbole is the worst thing in the universe”

“Thanks to Covid, my glove box is now my mask box”

“The junk drawer in now called the mask drawer”

“I’ve decided to invest all my money in soup stocks. I want to be a bouillonaire”

“I started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable. One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire”

“You don’t unite with evil. You defeat it”

“Good cannot unite with evil. Right cannot unite with wrong”

“A thief is more moral than a congressman. When a thief steals your money…”

“I live on a cul-de-sac, which is French for ‘Everybody here is white‘“

“I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. He wanted an ex-box”

“There’s a urinary side effect to the new Pfizer vaccine. It makes your p silent”

“What do you call peanuts with guns?"/"Packing peanuts.”

“People who buy sex dolls are fucking dummies”

“Building cul-de-sacs is a dead end job”

“I worked in an office on a cul-de-sac. It was a dead end job”

“If I say goodnight & an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied it’s just that I failed”

“Freedom is lost gradually from an uninterested, uninformed, and uninvolved people”

“Corn is a speedometer for your digestive system”

“Pinterest is just We Heart It for adults”

“Afraid of not getting what you ordered with online shopping? Try online dating!”

“My girlfriend just dumped me for talking about video games. What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4”

“Onlyfans is the Etsy of porn”

“Don’t blame a clown acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus”

“Pinterest is just We Heart It for moms”

“Pinterest is just adult tumblr”

“Hotel Manager: Did you rent the entire second floor to clowns? Me: It’s a pretty funny story”

“You told me the tacos were Keto."/"I said these are taquitos.”

“What do astronauts use to stay warm?"/"A space heater.”

“What if there were no hypothetical questions?”

“To understand paranoid people better, follow them around”

“What kind of rolling papers do you need to smoke brisket?”

“Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Yes. Mostly brisket, some ribs.”

“What’s the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil?” (NSFW joke)

“Understand paranoid people better by following them around”

“You’re wondering about the floor in my building where we go to tell jokes? Funny story…”

“I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up or are living the fullest”

“Marriage: When 8 hours having someone point out your flaws at work just isn’t enough”

“Believe in yourself. Because the rest of us think you’re an idiot”

“Internet: It doesn’t make you stupid, it just makes your stupidity more accessible to others”

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It has an expiration date”

“Teamwork: Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else’s incompetence”

“Biscotti are just dessert croutons”

“Biscotti are just sweet croutons”

“An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, ‘Nobody move!‘“

“Biscotti are just cookie croutons”

“Biscotti are just coffee croutons”

“Biscotti are just tea croutons”

“Norse God mathematicians stick out like Thor sums”

Fauxvid-19 (faux + COVID-19)

Fauxvid-1984 (faux + COVID-19 + Nineteen Eighty-Four)

“I’d like to buy Christmas stamps."/"What denomination?” (joke)

“Anarchism is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life”

“Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas”

“Anarchy is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life”

“I’d like to buy Hanukkah stamps."/"What denomination?” (joke)

“Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?"/"Because he took a leek!”

“I’ll be home for Christmas. Been here all year anyway. #2020”

“They’re making a male version of Amazon Alexa. It doesn’t listen to anything”

“I’m about to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It’s called A Lot”

“How can I install Dominion on my bank account?” (Dominion Voting Systems joke)

Waccine (wack + vaccine)

“I went to the store to buy chicken broth, but they said they were out of stock”

“A midget stumbles out of the bar… He was a little drunk”

“How does Santa Claus prevent himself from getting coronavirus?"/"He uses santatizer.”

“When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a housewarming party and now I’m homeless”

“Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called ‘a lot‘“

“I went to buy some bouillon cubes at the store today, but they were all out of stock”

Waxxine (wack + vaccine)

Wirus (variant pronunciation of “virus")

Coronawirus or Corona Wirus (variant pronunciation of “coronavirus")

“Obesity—When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you”

“I love Basmati rice. I could eat it Tilda cows come home”

“The awkward moment when you buy a hula-hoop and it fits”

“Depression—When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you”

“I reckon the inventor of Ovaltine must be a malty millionaire by now”

“I’d make a COVID joke, but it would be tasteless”

“Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what everybody else is doing”

“Conformity is doing what everybody else is doing, regardless of what is right”

“Obedience is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right”

“Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right”

“Religious dogma is doing what we are told, no matter what is right”

“If you leave an alcoholic drink for Santa this year, it must be accompanied by a substantial meal”

“Whenever I see a commercial with a woman in a tub with two cucumber slices on her eyes…”

“Crème brûlée is just French flan”

“Flan is the Mexican crème brûlée”

“Flan is the Spanish crème brûlée”

Crème Brûlée on a Stick (toasted marshmallows or Peeps)

“If my last name was Pepper, you can bet your ass I’d have gone to medical school”

“If you don’t stop lying, you’ll grow up to be a fact checker for Facebook”

“If you don’t stop lying, you’ll grow up to be a news reporter”

“If you don’t stop lying, you’ll grow up to be a BBC reporter”

“If you don’t stop lying, you’ll grow up to be a CNN reporter”

“I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both”

“I either drink coffee or say bad words to everyone”

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