A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
“Thank you, ATM fees, for allowing me to buy my own money” (3/27)
“Anyone else boil the kettle twice? Just in case the boiling water has gone cold…” (3/27)
“Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money” (3/27)
20-20-20 Rule (for eyes) (3/27)
More new entries...

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“I either drink coffee or I say bad words to strangers”

“Anything recommended by a stoned person is highly recommended”

“Anything recommended by a stoned person comes highly recommended”

“Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?”/“They have herd immunity.”

“Awesome sauce is probably the condiment that goes on cool beans”

“Before coffee: Hating everybody. After coffee: Feeling good about hating everybody”

“Nobody has seen you look worse than the corner store near your house”

“Nobody has seen you look worse than the corner shop near your house”

“I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn’t break. Concrete floors are really hard”

“How does a vegetable win a fight?”/“With carrot-y.”

“Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody”

“I want to be a bartender.  Men named Bart… look out”

“Before coffee: I hate everybody. After coffee: I feel good about hating everybody”

“Gyms must remain open. The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press”

“Over 50—we did all our stupid stuff before the invention of the internet, so there’s no proof”

“You’ll own nothing. And you’ll be happy” (Great Reset)

“Telephone poles are just trees that got a job”

“Ceiling fans are really just helicopters who gave up on their dreams and opted for an office job”

“Ceiling fans are just helicopter blades that didn’t study hard enough”

Kissmyasserole (kiss my ass + casserole)

“Over 60—we did all our stupid stuff before the invention of the internet, so there’s no proof”

“Over 40—we did all our stupid stuff before the invention of the internet, so there’s no proof”

“Marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle”

“He’s making a list, chicken and rice…”

“If your crush gets Covid, propose to her. She might say yes due to lack of taste”

“When I applied for shift work, I didn’t realize the ‘F’ was silent”

“Fruits are just tree eggs”

“Fruit is just tree eggs”

“Times are hard. A friend of mine had to get a second job as a butcher just to make meat ends”

“Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news”

“Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it”

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, plus a social media overreaction”

“Nuts are tree eggs”

“I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today. It’s my own fault for using the self checkout”

“Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as ‘fake news’”

“Teacher: Name a book that made you cry. Me: Algebra.”

“Teacher: Name a book that made you cry. Me: Organic Chemistry.”

“She: What was the last book that made you cry? Me: ‘Concepts of Physics’ by H. C. Verma”

“Cheese wheels are grated on a curve”

“We’ve been married so long we’re on our second bottle of Worcestershire sauce”

“Raisins are just grape mummies”

“How much weed am I supposed to put in this chicken pot pie?”

“Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?”

“Raisins are just zombie grapes”

“Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second jar of Marmite?”

“Hot sauce is typically served cold”

“If you let politicians break the law in an emergency, they will create an emergency…”

“The existence of Worcestershire sauce implies the existence of Bestestershire sauce”

“It was the bestestershire, it was the worcestershire”

“All I want for Christmas is to be off the car extended warranty call list”

“Farts are just food ghosts”

“Ceiling fans are just mobiles for adults”

“Tuesday is just Monday’s evil twin”

“Saying fuck when it’s cold out makes you less cold”

“If you let the government break the law because of an ‘emergency’...”

“Hot sauce is traditionally served lukewarm”

“Hot sauce is usually served at room temperature”

“Well slap my ass and call me McDonald’s ice cream machine cause I am broke”

“2020 is still better than my first marriage”

“Today’s advice: Sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home”

“Today’s advice: Sing Christmas carols at work until they send you home”

“Pumpkins are just fall watermelons”

“Pumpkins are just autumn watermelons”

“Watermelons are just summer pumpkins”

“Pumpkins are just goth watermelons”

“Pumpkins are just spooky watermelons”

“Cupcakes are just frosted muffins”

“Muffins are just unfrosted cupcakes”

Pawnography (chess pawn + pornography)

“I like doing multiplications, sum times”

Oysgezoomt

“Have you seen the dog bowl?”/“No, but he’s pretty good at skating!”

“If chess turns you on, it’s pawnography”

“My wife asked if I’d seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t even know he could play cricket”

“Have you seen the dog bowl?”/“Yeah, his off-spin needs work.”

“Joined a ‘fear of buffets’ help group. I was warned against signing up, but I couldn’t help myself”

“Corn is just reverse pomegranate”

“If you’re looking for a sign to drink tonight, this is it”

“A person who makes coffee makers is a coffee maker maker”

“Pomegranates are just reverse corn”

“My wife’s cooking has really improved. That was the best slice of soup I’ve ever had!”

“A bartender’s job is to poison people”

“Pomegranate is reverse corn”

“The therapist said I can get over my fear of buffets. But first, I’ve got to want to help myself”

“You think 2020 was bad? Just wait until it turns 21 and starts drinking”

“If you’re waiting for a sign that you should have a glass of wine, this is it”

“If you’re looking for a sign that you should have a glass of wine, this is it”

“This sofa can seat 6 people without any problems.”/“Where can I find 6 people without problems?”

Eggnogstic (eggnog + agnostic)

“The 12 Days of Covid” (song parody)

“Worked late, went to the gym, ran 10 miles on the treadmill and became a great liar”

“Got up at 6 am today, went to the gym, ran 10 miles, finished my Christmas shopping…”

“The 12 Days of 2020” (song parody)

“The 12 Days of Corona” (song parody)

“Politicians haven’t been tarred and feathered in a while and it shows”

“Fondue is just Swiss queso”

“Are we still allowed to leave Santa milk and cookies? Or is that considered indoor dining now?”

“I’m an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December I’m eggnogstic”

“Fondue is just cheese and bread, my friend”

“Queso is just Texan fondue”

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