A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeye's fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Hey, does anyone have a charger? My milk is only at 2%” (10/24)
“My milk is about to die. It’s at 2%” (10/24)
Entry in progress—BP (10/24)
Entry in progress—BP (10/24)
Entry in progress—BP (10/24)
More new entries...

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“What do you get if you drop a piano on a child?"/"A flat minor.”

“The tyrants don’t create the tyranny. Your obedience does”

“If you think things are bad now, wait until the people who wanted to be left alone get involved

“Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems? Because of their auntie-bodies”

“My mom’s sister doesn’t get Corona. She has an auntie body”

“My dad’s sisters can’t get Covid. They have antibodies”

“When exposing a crime is treated as committing a crime, you are being ruled by criminals”

“Wait until the people who just want to be left alone get involved”

“People who haven’t pooped yet today, why are you still holding on to last year’s shit?”

“Some days are better, some days are worse. Look for the blessing instead of the curse”

“Are there any countries that tax their citizens and send some of it to Americans?”

“My New Year’s resolution is to buy a velcro wall and I plan on sticking to it”

“To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos”

“My vaccine dad joke failed. But it was worth a shot”

“What’s the devil’s favorite spice?"/"SINnamon.”

“At this point, I would feel safer if coronavirus held a press conference…”

“Never forget—governments are the all time leader in mass killings”

“Respect my existence or expect my resistance”

“What’s the most popular spice in hell?"/"Sinnamon.”

“At this point, I’d feel safer if COVID-19 held a press conference…”

“The Best Show in Town” (Texas Legislature)

“How can politicians represent you when they are given millions to represent someone else?”

“I rely on hotels so much I’ve actually become quite inn-dependent”

“How do mountains see?"/"They peak.”

“How do mountains stay warm?"/"Snowcaps.”

“Always keep tequila in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is…”

“Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes a special occasion…”

“The empire has no clothes”

“How do mountains hear?"/"With mountaineers.”

“As a wheat farmer, I keep having headaches, but my doctor insists it’s just my grains”

“Does anyone know how many snowmen you’re allowed in your garden under current restrictions?”

“Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Monday”

“Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries”

“If heat rises, why is the North Pole so cold?”

“Always keep a bottle of tequila in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Tuesday”

“Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Wednesday”

“People sometimes call someone with glasses a nerd, yet you have to fail a test to get them”

“In order to get glasses, you have to fail a test that they give you the answers to”

“My yoga pants have never been to yoga”

“People associate wearing glasses with being smart, but you have to fail a test to get them”

“I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions”

“What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?"/"One takes photos, the other takes 5 toes.”

“The secret to happiness is as easy as A-B-C: Always Brew Coffee”

“I don’t always drink water, but when I do, it’s coffee”

“Did you hear about the Polish helicopter crash? The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan”

Demolitioncrat (demolition + Democrat)

“Have a piece of meat on your shin? That’s bologna”

“Why did the helicopter trainee fail on his first flight?"/"He was cold, so he turned the fan off.”

“Twister is just competitive yoga”

“If you are color blind, Twister is a mother fucking free for all”

“The key to happiness is as simple as A-B-C: Always Brew Coffee”

“I don’t always drink water, but when I do it’s filtered water. Through my coffeemaker. It’s coffee”

“The only BS I have time for is Burritos & Salsa”

“When I found out my new toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”

“I’m not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick”

“There’s no room for BS in my life, unless it’s Burritos and Salsa”

“My ‘dry’ January is Sauvignon Blanc”

“I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage…” (coffee pledge)

“Police jokes just aren’t funny. Give it arrest”

“They are giving away free money!! At a place called ‘work‘“

“If you are what you eat, how many mushrooms do I have to eat to be a fun guy?”

“Macarons are just French Oreos”

“Macarons are the rich person’s Oreos”

“Milk is good, but it could be butter”

“Dry January is going well for me so far. I’ve not had a bath or a shower yet”

“The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile…”

“I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket”

“Thursdays are just wannabes. They wannabe Friday, but they’re not!”

“Lawyers hope you get sued, but a thief wishes you prosperity”

“Lawyers hope you get into trouble. Doctors hope you get sick. Teachers hope you’re born stupid…”

“It’s just as easy to buy scientists as it is to buy politicians”

“Croquet is a wonderful game if you’ve got the balls for it”

“Those who burn books today, will be burning bodies tomorrow”

“I entered a competition and won a year’s supply of Marmite—one jar”

“What a year this week has been”

“Those burning books today will be burning bodies tomorrow”

“It’s just as easy to buy a scientist as it is to buy a politician”

“Those who burn books today, will burn bodies tomorrow”

“To all the people panic buying, make sure you stock up on condoms so you don’t produce more idiots”

“How to cook crack and clean crab. Step one: Use commas”

“Don’t forget to pay your taxes this year. Other countries are depending on you”

“Never judge a cook by his blubber”

“Macarons are just fancy Oreos”

“Why’s a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?"/"Everybody’s 6 feet away.”

“Well what a fucking year this week has been”

“Hell hath no fury like a child whose sibling just pressed the elevator button”

“It’s a great time to walk in a cemetery. It’s guaranteed that everybody is at least 6 feet away”

“Don’t forget to pay your taxes this year. Other countries and politicians are depending on you!”

“Don’t judge a cook by his blubber”

“Country music is just farm emo”

“Most board games have one winner and multiple losers. Jenga has one loser and multiple winners”

“Hell hath no fury like a child whose sibling just pushed the elevator button”

“How do you tell a male door from a female door?"/"One’s got a ding-dong, the other has knockers.”

“Why do people put ketchup on french fries, but not on mashed potatoes?”

“A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar…” (bar joke)

“People never tell you when it’s their first rodeo, but are eager to inform you when it’s not”

“Jenga is the most depressing game. There are no winners. Just one loser who fucks everything up”

“A masochist walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

“September ended. Somebody wake up that guy from Green Day” (October 1 joke)

“I bought an exercise machine, but when I assembled it, a message kept flashing up…” (joke)

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